The Love Doctor Returns: Answering Listener Questions, Advice Dynamics.

00:02.94
Bruce Anthony
Welcome First of all welcome this is unsolicited perspectives and I'm your host Bruce Anthony on today's episode I'm going to be doing 2 segments I'll be introducing a new segment. The mail bag where I'll be answering some comments and questions that people have sent through our social media accountsor directly to our email account and then backed by popular demand the love doctor I'm gonna be giving people some relationship advice. But first things first.

00:43.37
Bruce Anthony
So ah, we got a lot of positive feedbacks when I did the me and my sister did the fifthieth episode and we talked about my personal life and then I did ah ah a. Another episode after that answering some questions about me personally and we've been getting a lot of comments in our social media on our Youtube page and some emails and some comments through our website different stuff people wanted us to talk about or different questions that they wanted to ask us about. Ah, about the show or about our lives or anything like that. So I'm opening up the segment with the mail bag. The unsolicited perspectives mail bag where I will answer some comments and questions that people have brought to us today is just me alone but I've saved a few questions that. My sister can answer that I think would be pretty interesting. There. We'll we'll bring in in the next dily dalingly segment of the next episode but these are just some questions and comments and opinions that people want from me about various things. Um. I haven't kind of proofd these I did proof them a little bit but I haven't really gone through and with great details. So you guys are gonna be getting raw responses from me so bear with me as I go through just I'm just gonna go through 4 or 5 of these in this first segment.

02:06.70
Bruce Anthony
Answer or respond to a couple of different comments. So the very first one. Ah Sarah from San Francisco thank you Sarah for listening all the way out there at San Francisco um she says I've always admired the unique chemistry between you and your sister on the show. Discussions are not only engaging but shit light on various perspectives. Well it's it's our unsolicited perspective. So thank you Sarah for listening. What are some of the challenges and benefits of hosting a podcast with your sister have you encountered any unique dynamics or advantages that come with sharing the hosting space with. With your sister whom I you know I specifically I wanted both of my siblings to be on the show but you know we me and my sisters have often talked about my brother does not want to come on the show and we respect that um I've always known that me and my sister have ah me and my siblings have a very interesting dynamic. We are close but we don't pull any cards when talking to 1 another and that's the nature of the house that we grew up in. We pull no cards. We are raw real with each other. So I think that comes across whenever we're doing the podcast and we call each other on each other shit like if if you if you are saying. Ah, bunch of nonsense. The other person will call you on it and I happen to have the the fortune ah of of having siblings that are intelligent smarter than I am even though they will say well Bruce you shortchange yourself, you're smarter than that we are look. We all have different forms of intelligent. We're all.

03:38.20
Bruce Anthony
Above average intelligence. Um, they have this elastic credentials that are are better than mine but any unique dynamics. No I pretty much knew who my sister was there isn't anything that that we discovered in the process of doing this podcast. Well I guess there. There is 1 thing. Um, there are oftentimes where we try to keep the show 60 minutes or below and we go over I think we've both discovered that we are definitely long-winded. Um, but that we have interesting points that that that we like to really get across so we don't have. Ah, difficult time filling the space. So I mean that's that's an interesting dynamic but really just come down to it I just really enjoyed doing this just so the show of my sister is just fun. Um each well all the shows that I do are fun whether I'm doing a by myself or I'm doing an interview but with my sister this is just a special dynamic and you guys pick up on that. And I know for most of you out there. That's your favorite show like when I have my own show. You guys will definitely listen when I do an interview you guys will definitely listen. But you guys never miss a sibling happy hour. That's the most downloaded. That's the most listened to those are the most watched. Ah. Episodes of of all of our podcasts. So I know you guys really enjoy that dynamic. But yeah, it's just pretty much you know me and my sister is just always well. We haven't always gone along but in our adult livess. We've just really always gone along. We respect each other's opinion. We know that sometimes we are going to disagree and that we agree to disagree and we don't ever.

05:12.73
Bruce Anthony
You know when there's never any really any rift. Um, so that you know my sister's hilarious and that thing I'm kind of funny too. So um, yeah I don't know if there's any unique chemistry. Um I mean it is unique but I don't know if there's I don't know if other siblings wouldn't have a similar. Chemistry if they didn't you know if they didn't do a show together. So I enjoy like I said I enjoy doing the so show with my sister's sister. It's always a treat when we're recording. It's very easy to do it. It's it's perhaps the easiest show for me to do it. Not perhaps it is absolutely the easiest show for me to do even though I have to do all the producer on the show. Not though must sister done the bus but she' do no producing I do all the producing on the show but but her insight like she didn't have to bring the production. She brings the talent so that just works. All right I hope that the hope I answered your question Sarah from San Francisco thank you for our ah thank you for asking I appreciate that all right this next question is from Carlos in Toronto ah, your ability to balance facts with personal viewpoints. On ah social and political issues is pretty cool. The show's thoughtful approach. These topics is refreshing. How do you balance your personal opinions and biases with factual information and research when discussing social or political issues.

06:38.37
Bruce Anthony
Is it difficult to maintain this equilibrium especially in today's polarizing climate. Wow Carlos you k with it right? Wow that's a really ah interesting question now I'm really excited the the fact that I'm doing this mailback. How do I keep my personal feelings out of it I don't I think that when I speak. I wear my emotions on my sleeve you know exactly where I stand on whatever issue that I'm talking about um I will say that as a historian I do believe in facts and I like giving those facts to people. And through those facts you can formulate your opinion about ah any particular situation. So I like to be informed when I come on here and give my unsolicited perspectives but I would say that it's great that you feel like you don't notice my viewpoints when we're talking about these issues. Um. I don't I don't know I think that most of the time pretty pretty much everybody knows what my opinion is when we're talking about a subject though I will say there are times that I I hold back on giving my full raw opinion on some of these subjects because. Sometimes it's just too raw for folks out there. But how do I maintain this equilibrium and the polarize and kind of climate. That's that's really that's a really really interesting question I'm not gonna talk about Israel ah and and Gaza specifically I'm not going to talk about abortion specifically.

08:12.52
Bruce Anthony
I'm not going to talk about religion specifically this is a generalized statement that a lot of people a lot of people are binary and black and white and they join the team and they're locked into that team. They're loyal to that team and in some ways that's commendable to be loyal to your team I owe. I have always thought the truest form of intelligence is knowing when you don't know right? The the ability the the ability to admit when you are wrong is something that few and far people have um and I don't have a problem saying I'm wrong or something if somebody comes to me with facts. Often like my sister does. It's one of the reasons why we had that unique dynamic speaking of I guess it was her named Sarah Sarah's question Sarah Francisco San Francisco yeah when you have people on there that that are smarter than you and a lot of people that are any of you. They are. Being interviewed for a specific reason. They have an expertise in whatever I'm interviewing them in so I'm learning I just shut the hell up and learn and then I formulate my opinion as I'm constantly getting information and you had to be flexible to recognize. Okay, this was my opinion. And I've got more information. It's okay that I change my opinion I don't have to be so dead set in what I thought something was. It's part of the reason why I gave the history of Israel a lot of people have a very strong opinion about what's going on in Gaza and in Israel but really don't have historical context.

09:44.49
Bruce Anthony
Behind it to really have a strong opinion about it. They're just they're going off of what they've known that's going on in the last month as opposed to what's been going on over there over the last at least 80 years but really centuries. Um, so how do I maintain this this equilibrium and and don't get. 1 side or another I will say that that people know what side I am on on most topics. Not when I'm doing interviews because I'm literally learning but when it's my sister or I'm on a show like this people understand where I'm coming from and what I stand for so I will say that I pick a side. Um, a lot of times when I'm discussing these type of things but you know I credit my father you know I always tell the story and and I don't mind rehashing it again that I was I don't know 9 10 years old and my dad would say pick a news article. Ah. That you want to read and at first is started that something easy like sports that I wouldn't mind reading and then as I got older and got into no you can only use front page stuff. Ah, but it was just like okay read a article and then we're gonna discuss it at dinner or whatever and he. Would always I knew that a lot of times that I would have formulated opinion about something and I knew that he agreed with me but he would always argue the other point of view and I'd like you. Ah you agree with me. Why are you arguing the other point of view. He said there are multiple ways to look at the situation.

11:15.86
Bruce Anthony
Okay, and just because you're looking at it from this situation doesn't mean that you have all the all the facts It's best to examine things from from multiple points of view and that's how I kind of maintain my balance. Um, and I don't get.

11:31.33
Bruce Anthony
How I I maintain that balance. Yeah I mean that's the only way that I can explain it credit to my father credit to my father for making me live in a world of gray instead of black and white. Um and and and seeing it through those lens and I'm appreciative of that and so that's how I kind of stay balanced. Ah so thanks Carlos! Thanks! ah, thanks for your question that was the that was really deep. Okay, all right. That was really deep all right. This is from Emily from from Nyc ah, your show has a knack for navigating through diverse opinions. Ah. How do you handle feedback and criticism in open space for dialogue. Ah okay, how do I handle feedback or criticism from listeners or guests I welcome it That's how you learn I look growing up in my household. Right? Where my like I said earlier where my dad would author giving you know differing opinions about something you kind of learn to listen to diverse opinions and to criticism and I played sports like getting yelled at or getting criticized or being told what you're doing. Poorly doesn't really bother me. Um I know some people have a problem with that. But I'm all for making what I'm doing better and if I'm wrong on something please point it out to me like I I'll take that I'll take um, um, wrong if you pointed out I'm wrong if you're.

13:03.25
Bruce Anthony
Basing this on factual information if was just their opinion and you don't agree with my opinion I don't really care about that. Um, and there is a lot of negative comments that a lot of people don't see because I era them or a block em especially on Youtube and and and then and on Instagram but just people just saying nasty nasty things. I don't ever get offended by that that doesn't really bother me because I know that that's them something's going on with them that doesn't really have anything to do with me. maybe I maybe I triggered something by what I said and I know I ever want to trigger people by by the things that I say you know you want people to be able to listen to your content. Learn from it laugh you know cry um be in thought that's that's kind of the basis of the podcast of what I'm trying to do um but yeah, some people are just nasty now. No that doesn't matter what I what I do like that's just who they're going to be and so I don't take offense at that. And when you start to say racist and sexist stuff to me like okay, that's you're you're not smart like you're you're you're dumb and I don't really I don't really get bothered by that stuff. So I guess my approach is not giving a damn emily that's I mean Emily you I don't know you. You're in n yi I don't know if you grew up in in yc but you know I had family from andise I spent a lot of times in the Bronx during the summer it's going up there and visiting my family for weeks sometimes the whole summer is on in you know, New York is is just like whatever you take wise cracks and you just keep on moving I'm not I'm not built for um.

14:36.76
Bruce Anthony
Being soft in those type of situations where I take criticism poorly now constructive criticism I welcome negative criticism you know where you ain't really like trying to help us grow or or get better. You just like doing little digs I I paid no attention to it at all. That's. Just who I am in my personal life and my sister is very much like me as well in that regard. So we just don't give a damn. So thank you? Emily thank you for your question Alex in Los Angeles um the show's analyst of social media's impact on opinions is fascinating I'm curious to know your take. On its influence and information consumption habits of users. So basically you're you're asking me what I think about social media impact on its users look social media is what you make of it. There are times that I'm on Tiktok or Instagram and something comes across my feed so especially something that's historical comes across my feet and I'm like oh I didn't know about that now here's where you have to be smart when getting information from social media. You have these reels you have these tiktoks. Maybe they're 4 minutes maybe they're anywhere from a minute to 4 minutes right that's not a lesson plan right? like if you go back to to school when you were in school a lesson plan lasted a few weeks if not an entire semester right? So you can't learn.

16:10.80
Bruce Anthony
All the details that you need to learn in that little sound bite but it can give you a kernel information that you can go in research to learn more about so that's what I employ people to do you know I get on I get on the older generation my generation and in the older generation all the time about. Getting all their information news and historical from um Instagram Tiktok and Twitter but not doing the work and researching and finding out what's true. What's not true because you know I'm I'm one person that that that does this you know I try to. Give historical lessons that don't have my opinions in it. But I'm a commentator I'm not ah a reporter you know the difference between a reporter and a commentator is a reporter just gives you straight raw facts a commentator is going to mix in a little bit of their opinion or or or tell you story tell you the story and then give their opinion about it I'm more of a commentator than the reporter. Even though I started out of of journalism. That's just who I am so the reason why I didn't finish in journalism because you had to start out as a reporter when not letting your personality bleed into what it is. You're reporting and my personality bleeds into everything that I do even when I'm writing. Um, if y'all have read some of the blogs my personality bleeds into the blog. Well one. It's a blog. But even when I used to write newspaper articles reporting became commentary and then finally they were just like just just do a commentary piece because you really have trouble just not giving your personality into.

17:42.40
Bruce Anthony
When it is that you're doing so a lot of people on social media are doing that they're not giving you stripped down raw ah facts. They're giving you a slant kind of like a documentary right? Like if you watch a documentary and like Netflix always has all these great documentaries. They're giving you 1 perspective most of the time on these documentaries. I always like to research I don't know. Maybe it's the historian and me that that that loves to do that. Maybe it's the fact that our parents me and my sister my me and my siblings our parents we used ask a question and our parents' favorite line was go look it up and this is back in the day before Google where you had to. You know, go to the library or because we didn't have encyclopedias in our house. Go to the library and look up something that you wanted to learn so that's just been ingrained than me if you take social media for what it is and just give it a kernel a spark that it's supposed to do of give you information and then you go in research. You'll be just fine. Social media is fantastic. If you only go on the soundbites the shorts, the reals. Ah these quick clips where they give you information and that's what you formulate your opinion on. You're always going to be misguided. You have to go and do the research. You have to go find out. What is truth what is what is fact and what is opinion and there's a difference and also just because you read just because it's something historical and you go and research it don't focus in on one particular aspect.

19:14.79
Bruce Anthony
Of whatever it is that you're researching right? like if you're going to research. Ah the revolutionary war don't just read about americans' version of events read about Britain's version of events to find the whole context of what is true and what's not true if anything that we've learned over the past. 3 4 years is that the education system here in America is being manipulated by people and being whitewashed ah the the victors write the history right to get the true history. You had to once again like my dad taught you taught me and like I I want to teach you guys to examine things from. Different perspectives when you're getting that information. That's so very very important when you're on social media. Don't take the social media clip as the be all end all all right I think I'm gonna do one more of these cause it's going kind of long so I have a friend. Named Pria this isn't her but this is priya from montreal your show always dives into current events with some depth ah or with such depth. What are the current topics that have intrigued you recently? Well I mean my sister loves talking about.

20:26.97
Bruce Anthony
Ah, Trump and all his legal cases. That's interesting to me. But it's not so interesting to me I would say there aren't current topics. Ah that I'm intrigued by that's for me, it's always an examination of society and and these. Events that happened in our society and people's reactions to them. That's that's what I like looking at the reaction of people to events. So what's intriguing to me, you know I think I said earlier with one of the questions trying to scroll up I guess it was Carlos um. How do I you know equilibrium or how do I stay balanced during all of these um, very tribal um stances that that people take right? Whatever your tribe may be whether it's a republican or democrat whether it's a liberal conservative whether it's a. Right now if you're pro-isra pro-ppaestine if you're um I don't know pro pro-life. Ah prochoice. You know everybody is and entrenched and this is my position and I'm not budgeting for it and you see it currently in congress where hey I don't know if we're going to be. Running into a shutdown or not but it seems like these congress people are really really stubborn and not really willing to negotiate and just is fascinating um to look at society and how much you know people are becoming more and more binary. How how much people are becoming more and more black and white and less.

22:00.74
Bruce Anthony
And less people out there looking at the world in shades of gray. Um, so I would say it's not any prea I would say there's not any particular events even though all events that have historical consequences or historical aspects to them. Um that I think will be important. When we're 2030 40 years down the ride road you know I am drawn to those type of things. Um, but it's more or less just studying people like I really love learning about people and learning how people process information. Um. How they respond to the information is really interesting to me. So yeah, there's no there's no real current topics I mean all the topics are interested in me I mean anything that comes out about poor Georgie George Santos that's that's always funny to me. Um. You know this the situation went to white Howard I I feel. It's interesting I think it touches on so many different themes as far as male and male sexual assault um lgbtq plus community and how some some people are still finding it difficult to come out. Um, the connection with Mike Johnson the new house speaker and how he's ah you know introducing legislation that is you know restrictive to the lgb t q plus community like it's not one current event. It's a culmination of all these different events that that I look at.

23:27.41
Bruce Anthony
And and it's just look at how society is responding to it and you know everybody thinks that the world is burning right now I just think people are bombarded by too much information. They don't know how to filter it out. Um, this's the reason why you get so much polarization right? like remember back in the day for some of us out there that. They're listening to this podcast where we would go to blockbuster or for me out here on the East Coast it was hollywood video and blockbuster and we pick at night. You know it was either Tuesday or Friday because that's when the new releases came out and we tried to find a movie. And you know more more or less and within thirty forty five minutes we we found a movie after walking around the store lollygagging a little bit and we knew what we wanted to watch and we'd go home and watch it now with all of the content that are on all the streaming stations. There are times where I'm literally sitting on the couch. For an hour two hours scrolling through all the different choices and I have a hard time pinning down. That's another reason why a lot of people are having a hard time with dating cause we just have so much so many choices. There's so much information out there people are pick and choosing what they want to consume and what they don't want to consume and that's both good and bad. Right? Like all of it has ah it could be a slippery slope if you allow it to be a slippery slope but it could. It could be a good thing if if you know how to to manage ah manage yourself so that's that's kind of that's the current topic people. That's always the topic for me. It's always going to be the topic for me people and their reactions. So I hope.

24:59.13
Bruce Anthony
That long-winded way of answering your question actually answered your question pria. Um, more importantly, you know? Thank you for ah for writing us. Thank you for listening I really do appreciate it. Um, so that's all the questions I'm going to answer those are pretty good. Like I said if anybody wants to. Send in questions or comments and get my or my sister's feedback and you want us to talk about certain topics on the show. You just want to hear our perspective I guess it'll be solicited at that point, but our our perspectives or on different things. Yeah. Email us from our website. There's a connection thing on our website at unsolicitedperspectiveives.com where you can when you can send something to us. You can send us a comment on our you could Dm ah dms on our Tiktok or or our Twitter or our Instagram you can also leave a comment on our Youtube page and you know. We'll I'll be happy to introduce this as a more reoccurring segment mailback because I love listening I love hearing from you guys I love answering your questions I really enjoyed it during the fiftieies episode I enjoyed it now for the mail bag and I welcome it so keep sending them. Up next It's the return of the love doctor.

00:02.71
Bruce Anthony
All right? So it's the return. That's right, it's the return of the love doctor I don't have no smooth deep Lou Rawls type vert voice to to add to this There's no intro to the segment. It's just me saying. Love Dr B Ant is here to answer your questions I'm going to go through 2 things that were sent to me by people that listen they want to hear my um perspective on their current situation and then something that somebody sent me on Instagram from a therapist. Um, that I thought was really interesting that I'm gonna share with you guys, but the first one. Um I'm not gonna read this entire email I'm gonna paraphrase it um, but this young lady I'm not gonna put their names out there. This young lady is asking me what I think about her current situation. Ah, basically she's saying that she's been dating a guy for about six months they've known each other for over two years they've been friendly because they hang in the same circles and just decided recently to start dating said one night um I guess I guess there are horny pills. One night he slipped he and another friend of his slipped me and my friend the other friend I guess I guess the the other 2 people are dating horny pills in our drinks without telling us um and then I found out a couple of weeks later when my friend told me.

01:33.20
Bruce Anthony
That the the guy that she's dating. You know, told us that that's what he did and when I confronted the guy that I was Dating. He was like oh yeah I forgot to tell you that I did that um you know is is nothing happened to you Guys. You know you didn't get horn here. Um, it's kind of no big deal. Um, she goes on to say that she's known him for a long time and he knew that she had been sexually assaulted in college Um, not by a pill being ah slipped in her drink but by her just being too drunk. And being sexually assaulted in college. Um, she says should she forgive him and continue on working on things or should she leave him. Um, okay I will never tell a person if they should or should not forgive. A person for for their actions. That's that's not my place to tell you what it is you should and should not forgive from another person because I wouldn't want anybody to tell me that the larger issues about Trust. Um.

02:49.30
Bruce Anthony
I Don't know if this is an isolated incident I don't know if if y'all have a trust issue in your relationship but this was something that he did that was ah I mean he betrayed your trust and to know that you have a history. Having been sexually assaulted because ah you were sexually assaulted while under the influence and this person knew about that you know I have dated more than a few women. It's It's unfortunate that it's not uncommon that women are sexually assaulted. I've had a few girlfriends women that have dated. Um that were sexually assaulted in the past and to know that and to to slip you something I don't know. Like but I can't tell you once again I can't tell you what you can and cannot trust or what level of trust is you should give to any the individual people I will say all of those answers are within yourself like your body will will tell you if you've forgiven somebody. Your heart will tell you if you can trust somebody. Um I would say pay attention to the signs that you have within yourself if you flinch anytime you leave a drink around him then it means you don't trust him if you are still angry.

04:23.51
Bruce Anthony
About what happened wow I don't know if anger is the right thing because you can you can? Well no anger. No, you need to forgive them and to not be angry if you're still angry about it then you haven't forgiven them and then if you haven't forgiven them and you can't trust them then you can't move forward with any thanks areas. So I would say hey look. You have 1 or 2 choices you could end it now if you already know the answers to those questions if you'll be able to forgive them if you be able to trust them because I can't give you the answers to to that. That's that's within you and yourself um, but I can tell you that. Your body will let you know your body your body your mind your heart your spirit will let you know if you'll be able to forgive this person and if you'll be able to trust this person and then you'll have to decide from there I would say it's you guys known each other for a long time but the relationship is really early. It's really early to be doing something like that i. I know you're asking me for my opinion and I'm not trying to lead you to 1 decision or the other I want you to come to this decision on your own I can say that for me personally I could forgive for I would not be able to forget and that person wouldn't have my trust anymore. But I'm not going to compare me to to a lot of people out there one I don't trust easily and it only takes you one time to lose my trust and you never get it again. That's not healthy either I typically forgive people if they say I'm sorry and it's sincere. Um I don't I don't get angry about it anymore. But ah, but the relationship changes that's for me personally.

05:55.37
Bruce Anthony
For you I just think that you should decide within yourself if this is something that you can move past if this person is worth it. You known for a long time. y'all decided to start to be together. It could just be in a dumb mistake. Sometimes people do that sometimes people deserve Grace depends on you where there. Or how much grace that you want to give them and move forward but I would say to yourself even though this was a long-winded of saying it you you had the answers yourself in all of these situations you had the answers. All I can kind of do is kind of make you think about things to to make you see the answer. Um, but you know what you. You know what? the answer is pretty much already. It's just about leaning in to that answer and it is. It's either I'm gonna move forward I'm gonna move past this and move forward or I can't move past this I'm gonna move away from this and those are really your only 2 options in this scenario. So I wish you the best of Luck. Keep me posted I want to know what happens I want to know what you decide to do all right this next one is from a guy once again I'm gonna keep him nameless but I'm gonna read I'm a paraphrase a little bit of this email because it's kind of long but here we go over the past few years ah this is a gentleman he's in his mid 30 s dating a young woman in her mid 30 s in the past few years of us being together. She has borrowed quite a lot of money from me I would not specifically say how much out of respect for her but let's just say it's a big amount. She has problems handling her money.

07:32.14
Bruce Anthony
And ah so I'm trying to be supportive I've helped her out along the way each time she's made sure to make note of what she has borrowed and promised to pay me back but she never pays me back. Um, she's especially bad with money. She's always spending it. She's always borrowing it. Not just for me for from others as well. Um, she's always buying things that she doesn't need even though she knows she doesn't need them. Um, and then she gets upset with me when I bring up the fact that she owes me money. Um. Gotten to the point where I can't even talk to her about it and I've only brought it up a couple of times over the last few years even though she consistently borrows money from me. Um, but what am I to do when she gets extremely upset at every mention of it I don't want to doubt her. But if she has no intention to paying me back at the promising that she would then this might be an issue for me any advice bro I think you answered the question for yourself, right? Like if if she's borrowed money from you. Ok and but it's not barring. First of all. This is what I will say to anybody out there if somebody asked to borrow money just anticipate you not getting that money back all right? You're not going to get that money back if if you borrow if people come to you and they borrow money and they have a track record of paying you back. Great.

08:58.89
Bruce Anthony
But you should lend the money not expecting to get it back and don't lend it if you're not going to be comfortable with not getting it back. That's first and foremost. Another thing you need to think about is finances are so very very important in a relationship if you're expecting to move forward with this Person. You guys definitely have different takes on find ah find your financial life seems like then seem like. From your description. She's really bad with money seems like you're a little bit more responsible with your money. Are you going to be comfortable being with somebody long term who is irresponsible with their money. The number one route the number one call is a divorce financial issues. That's all I'll say it's financial issues. Um, so that's something that you need to be cognizant of if you're bothered by the fact that she's getting upset when you bring it up. Why should she? Why would she be getting upset probably because she's embarrassed because she can't pay you back and then she keeps having to come to you? Um, if you're getting heated about it Now. It's only gonna get worse later. Either deal with it understand That's who she is and accept it or don't accept it that that's kind of my advice in this situation I would say that her issues with money could be tied into something mentally that's going on with her. Um I would suggest that.

10:24.59
Bruce Anthony
She goes and gets some counseling not financial counseling because the issue with her and her ability with money might not I mean sure it's financial because she's spending money but it might be emotional mental issues that she's dealing with if she's going out spending money that she doesn't have sometimes people need instant gratification because they're going through something. And they go out and buy stuff I know I used to do that I raise my hand I used to do that. That's the reason why I have so many pairs of jordans right? you buy stuff to make you feel good about whatever it is is going on in your life people do it all the time people do it all the time they fill the void. That they're missing with various stakes. Some people do it with workouts I know people who are addicted with workouts. Some people do it with drugs. Some people do with alcohol. Some people do it with shopping so there's something going on that makes her go out and spend money. So maybe suggest that if she isn't already in therapy if you love this woman. Then you can kind of be like look if there's a larger issue here I want to work it out with you see if we could fix this issue because I want to be with you I will say that one of my friends 1 time got a divorce from his wife because. He couldn't handle some of the mental emotional issues that she was having she needed to go to therapy she needed to fix that and he openly said hey that's more than what I could actually handle I respected him for the fact that that he was like look the issues that are going on here. Um.

11:54.54
Bruce Anthony
Ah, more than I could deal with and I need to remove myself from the situation people need to put boundaries in their life when they're dealing with other people. You definitely need to put a boundary with with her and finances right? like maybe if you don't feel comfortable, not getting paid Back. Don't learn her don't loan her anymore money make. Make her liable to other people that loan her money as opposed to you um seek have her seek some some help so that she can improve upon her financial situation by addressing some of her mental emotional issues I guarantee you and I'm not a therapist. But I've talked to enough therapists and and and enough mental health professionals to know there's something else going on besides her just being poor for money. So suggest it to her if she's not willing to address the issue. You'll have to figure out that that's something that you could deal with or not. With all my advice with all the love Doctor's advice with all of it. It's about boundaries for yourself and the relationships that you have with other people whether they be romantic or or friendships boundaries are so very very important to make sure. That your piece is not being interrupted. Not your piece not being interrupted to the point where you're being selfish with your piece but in some ways you have to be selfish but but you know what I mean not being so selfish with your piece that you will not bend at All. You can Bend. You can bend.

13:22.63
Bruce Anthony
Not break and you got to make sure that you set those boundaries so that you don't break last things you want to do especially if you care about this person is let this issue affect your friendship because the very first thing that you must have when you're in a relationship is friendship. You guys have to be friends first before you can be lovers. Otherwise you're just in a situation and you're your f buddies f buddies being the fque word that I don't want to say on the main show, you're just f buddies your sex buddies. That's that's all you are if you care about this person if you potentially love this person then you'll Bend. You'll set boundaries but you'll also try to help them improve upon themselves because this is a partnership. So. My advice is explain to her look I'm not trying to upset you I just want to let you know that this is bother me because you are well within your right. To express to her your frustration of her basically saying she's gonna do something and not doing it. It's holding people accountable to what they say they're gonna do there is nothing wrong with that so you and you can also address the issue that you had you have an issue. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable with your. With your partner and saying I have a problem I would like to talk to you about it doing in the calm manner right? and and just say this is my issue I would like to talk about it and address it to hopefully fix this issue.

14:54.30
Bruce Anthony
But once again, go into it expecting not to get your money back but letting your feelings be her be heard from her how she handles that is gonna tell you what your next move should be if she's rejecting it I mean bro. I Don't really know to tell you if she's rejecting you being vulnerable coming to her with a legitimate issue that you're ah, having with her then you have to Question. What are what are her feelings for you if your feelings and your vulnerability aren't being respected if she's open to it then you know. Try to figure out the root cause to the institute. The issue is with her spending all her money and trying to fix it together because if you don't address it now you have to address it now cause obviously it's bothered you you ask for? the love. Doctor's vice. It's a but it's bothering you now. Ah it means he's only gonna get worse if it goes unaddressed so address it now.

15:47.20
Bruce Anthony
Hopefully it could be fixed in new relationship could be could be saved and there won't be any animosity. That's the most important thing communication is key communicate to her how you're feeling communicate to your hurt that you're hurt by it and see what her responses is and that's the that's the ah. And to the advice from the love doctor I hope everything works out once again, contact me, let me know how that how that plays out I hope everything works out for you and I hope my advice helps you in this situation all right this next thing it was something that was sent to me on Instagram um.

16:25.21
Bruce Anthony
You know it's funny. It was a snippet and I've done a little research on her I actually follow her on Instagram is Tillal Swan Teal Swan official she's an author and a new thought leader. She's bestselling author. Um so she does you know spiritual stuff and guide and stuff and meditation and self-awareness and things of that nature. And and somebody sent me something that she said about relationships that I thought was really really interesting and I got a few people's feedback but I'm gonna play it now once again, this is till Swan official from her Instagram page and this is her talking about ah men and women. And what women seek for men in relationships. Let us beware I have to kind of warn you in advance. A lot of the information that I'm going to throw at you in this video. You're not going to like and therefore are probably going to try to resist what I'm about to tell you is an element of female biology that does not need to be fixed for a woman. Physically attraction is about matching up with a person who will protect you produce healthy offspring and provide for you and those offspring the man is your ticket to survival no matter how much the modern world has changed and no matter how much feminists absolutely hate looking at that truth. It's still the truth for women today on a physical biological level. A vulnerable male leaves a woman in the position to feel like she has to do it all herself and fend for herself. This means that a male who lacks masculinity or those masculine traits which a woman needs in a relationship in order to feel good. She ultimately feels alone or at best.

18:03.17
Bruce Anthony
With a nice sidekier servant I'm gonna beware have to come be muted. Okay, so I thought that was really interesting and a person that sent it to me said they wanted to hear my opinion of it and I actually haven't said it to my sister yet that that would be really interesting I know my sister is gonna be on fire. About this because the first thing Thiel Swan said was feminist beware um so I dmmed and sent that to a lot of female friends mine to get their perspective and all of them kind of said the same thing they kind of said well I agree but not completely. And and what they generally said everybody I said this to and their response back was yeah of course we want a protector and a provider and things of that nature. But the fact that he can't be vulnerable. We don't want that we want somebody to share their vulnerability with us and in in each instance that people responded to me with with that. It was all about what they wanted but not how Thiel Swan was speaking to it on a biological physical level. Not an intellectual or emotional level and everybody's response was more of an intellectual emotional level and I thought this is a. Fascinating thing I don't know that I agree or disagree with with Thi Swan it's just interesting to me that basically what she's saying at a primal level women are looking for what men have been described of being since the beginning in time the provider and a protector and I will absolutely.

19:35.80
Bruce Anthony
Back up the fact that women do like men that show those quote unquote masculinity traits leader decisive protector women women do want that. Um and they they all like every woman said that. Every woman that I ever talked to said yes, that's what they want but they also want their man to share now I will say in my own personal life I'm not the greatest at sharing real vulnerability across the board to anybody. Ah probably the only person. That I actually am close to 100 % vulnerable with and I even still hold back a lot of stuff from her as my bestie because I've gone through stuff and she's been there and and I know what she could take or what she can't take as far as being my bestie but I'm not one of those people that's. That's very vulnerable matter of fact, that was the main criticism with my ex-wife is that I know that you're going through something I could tell I could see it in your face and you're just not sharing. The problem is is that when I did start to share. Ah maybe I shared too much. Maybe it was too much vihelle shock. That kind of threw her off, um, not to say that that was the cause of of our marriage breaking up. We should have never got married in first place we were friends not lovers. There's a dramatic difference. Um, and that's the reason why we shouldn't have we should've never gotten married but I will say that.

21:09.10
Bruce Anthony
A lot of women have said to me. Well you know I want you to share and it's not about like sharing like being emotional or sharing affection right? like I can do that most men can do that. It's about women will talk to you about their job. And everything that's going on at work and men just don't really men just don't really do that. Um, they don't really open up like that and I think a lot of women whether they want to admit her or not say they want their man to open up but truly truly don't truly truly don't. Because there is a sign of vulnerability sensitivity quote unquote whether I don't agree with this term but quote unquote weakness that goes on associated with that with that man showing that type of vulnerability and then at a certain point. Women will kind of look at you and like well wait a minute can you be the protector I'll be real honest with ah all these women out here in these streets. Some might be interested in dating me can I fight I don't know it's been over twenty years since I've been in a fight right. And and 1 thing I fear because I tend to date you know I tend they women that are kind of bad. You know like they're attractive you know and I know they're attractive I don't mind other men looking at the woman that I'm with I know the woman I'm with is attractive. You can go ahead and look when I step away you try to slide in behind my back and talk to her.

22:38.12
Bruce Anthony
I expect that I expect men to kind of do that I don't get bothered by that as long as you're not being disrespectful to her like I don't care and you're not doing it like I'm standing right? there you're trying to do it in my face then I got to swing on you but I'm often afraid of going out here in these streets and getting banked. Like and if y'all don't know what banked is that's like when a bunch of people jump on you right? You know these young people are here in these streets. They'll do that in a minute people are out there fight nowadays and I haven't been in fight in 20 years and I don't do boxing or kickboxing anymore like none of the martialites I don't know if I could fight can I protect my woman. Yeah I'm pretty strong. And they used to be able to fight so I can protect her but to what extent I don't know am I a provider. Yeah I make decent money I can't provide but hold up I don't want to be the provider like I want us to have a partnership if I make more money than you. Okay, that's fine. But that doesn't mean and I'm gonna be taking care of all the responses financial responsibilities of the house I don't want that I want I'm looking for a partner so you know my sister often says people need to stick to the things that they're actually looking for if you're looking for if you want to be a stayhome mom stay at homeme wife. And not work then there is no reason for you to be dating a guy like me who is looking for a partner somebody that they can share the duties with there are gonna be times where the partnership is lopsided like you pick up for what the other person is slacking. That's understandable.

24:05.81
Bruce Anthony
But you know if you if you're looking for to be kept don't look for a guy that um doesn't want to keep you right? that wants a partnership conversely dudes if you're looking for a woman to just be a stay at home mom and to be a mother and a wife don't go for that career women. Queer woman who is serious about her job. Ah so it's all about your perspective and what you what you actually want and maintaining that search for what it is that you actually want and stop trying to put people in the box to try and make them fit just because you like them. You're interested in him I had to tell a friend earlier today and and ah. That that came to the love doctor she came to me as a friend not the love doctor in the show but I had to tell a friend earlier today I was like look the situation that you're telling me I was like are you asking me for my opinion or what you should do she said yes I want your opinion I said you don't need to be in this situation anymore. It's obvious. That you and him are not on the same path but you really like him and you caught feelings for him so you're looking for any excuse to stay into it work things out when he's openly told you this is what he's bringing to the table and it's not the same thing that you want from the table. Yes, you like them. Yes, you want things to work. It's not going to work. You got to step away. My mom told me something years ago I had to have been I don't know young man like in my early teens like a teenager right in my early teens and my mom said to me just because 2 people love each other doesn't mean that they are meant to be together and I believe that's a.

25:39.75
Bruce Anthony
Ah, very very true statement just because 2 people love each other does. Not mean that they are meant to be together now if you even got love in the equation and you already have an issues once again, what are your boundaries where are you willing to bend but make sure that you don't break. And you just have to stay in that so you know till Swan brought up something that's interesting. She brought up something on a very primal biological lemon level that women are women expect that I found in all the responses from the women. There was none of them that disputed the fact that they actually do want a man. It is a provider and a protector but they also want somebody to be vulnerability I think that's that's cool. But I think it's vulnerable to a certain point because I do think there's ah, there's a there's a point of no return. Where a man can be so vulnerable that no matter how much of a protector of a provider. He actually is he's shown so much vulnerability that the woman just does not see him as that protector and provider anymore. So fellas, don't hold in your vulnerability. That's how we die from. Heart attacks and strokes at a young age because we keep holding things and we don't talk about them. You gotta talk about that stuff. You go mess around the age early get gray hair all types of stuff look I'll be the first to admit ain't a whole lot of wrinkles on my face right? part of that is I don't have kids.

27:09.00
Bruce Anthony
Another part that is I don't let thing I don't let things stress me out if I have an issue I don't hold it in I will let you know that I have an issue cause it's not gonna eat me up inside I'm already late at night in the shower arguing with myself. So. Means I got something that I got to deal with. So if I got to deal with something with a particular person I'm going to address that issue as soon as possible so that we can fix the issue. Um men don't be holding stuff in let it out. Let it out and if it's truly your partner. She won't think any less of you. And if she does then that means it's not meant to be and for women out there. be careful what you wish for be careful what you wish for you wish for that man to be more vulnerable. Don't judge him when he is accept him for all of him or none of him that's your only choice and on that note. That's it for another segment of the love doctor. That's it for this episode once again, if you guys want our opinions about different topics. You want to hear about us talking about different things if you want to hear um us answer your questions if you want to ask us questions. You want to get the love doctor's advice. Go ahead once again on our website you can email us and you can go to our website unsolicitprospes.com you'll find the email button there you can send us comments through Dm through Instagram text Twitter ah Twitter not text message. Don't nobody have my phone number Tiktok.

28:38.36
Bruce Anthony
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