Unsolicited Perspectives Presents: The Sibling Happy Hour: Dating Dynamics

0:00:04 Bruce Anthony: Three three threedom over save three threedom over cycle stays the same. Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is unsolicited perspectives. And I am your host, Bruce Anthony. Thank you for listening and watching. Wherever you get your podcasts and video podcasts, subscribe, share, like, comment and rate us. You can find us on Instagram, YouTube and Twitch at unsolicited underscore perspectives. You can find us on Twitter and TikTok at unsolicited underscore per.

0:00:38 Bruce Anthony: Watch us live now. Watch us live every Thursday night, 07:30 p.m.. Eastern on Twitch and YouTube. Our audience wow audience continues to grow with each and every episode. And I humbly thank you. On today's episode is the sibling happy hour. I'm with my sister Jay. We're going to be talking about dating more specifically men and women and what's going on with all that. But first things first. What's up, SIS?

0:01:18 J. Aundrea: What up?

0:01:19 Bruce Anthony: How are you feeling today?

0:01:21 J. Aundrea: Feeling fantastic. As you know, Black History Month is over.

0:01:25 Bruce Anthony: Yeah, it's over.

0:01:27 J. Aundrea: Women's History Month has begun.

0:01:28 Bruce Anthony: Is it Women's History Month or is it just Women's Month?

0:01:34 J. Aundrea: I don't know that it matters. It's a month about women past for the future. The point is, if you're a black woman, the gimme of the year is just you're just being celebrated well left and right. Well, and then you get shit on the rest of the year.

0:01:55 Bruce Anthony: Yeah. Well, you all get like, what is it? How many days in March?

0:01:59 J. Aundrea: 30, 130 days past September, April, June, and November, all the rest of 31. Yes.

0:02:04 Bruce Anthony: Okay. You know what made me think about that? As soon as you said that when April messed up on Parks and Rec.

0:02:13 J. Aundrea: I never watched that show.

0:02:14 Bruce Anthony: What? Oh, Jay, you got to watch that show. That show.

0:02:18 J. Aundrea: I know.

0:02:20 Bruce Anthony: Do you know what else is hilarious? Now, we've already seen this movie, but I was just randomly a scene popped up on my Instagram yesterday, and I was like, I forgot how funny this movie is. And then I started watching clips of the movie on YouTube. Class act.

0:02:37 J. Aundrea: Hilarious film.

0:02:39 Bruce Anthony: No, it's even more hilarious than what we thought it was from 30 years ago.

0:02:46 J. Aundrea: Well, now we're older, we get more of the jokes.

0:02:48 Bruce Anthony: Yes. And it's hilarious. I'm going to take the time this weekend to watch it.

0:02:57 J. Aundrea: You should. It's great. I think I've watched Class Act recently. Is it on tubby. Probably.

0:03:04 Bruce Anthony: Is it's?

0:03:05 J. Aundrea: Probably on tubey.

0:03:07 Bruce Anthony: It's probably on tubby.

0:03:09 J. Aundrea: That's where all our stuff is to be. And oddly enough, HBO Max, there's a lot of our stuff. Dragon the other night, they got all.

0:03:18 Bruce Anthony: The black shows, too. They got Wands brothers living single. Martin they got all of them.

0:03:22 J. Aundrea: HBO Max is really like showing up or showing out for us. I was watching Last Dragon, and it's still great. Still fantastic as always. You warmed up yet?

0:03:41 Bruce Anthony: All right, let's get to the topics dating. So you sent me an article. It's an article on the hill. And the headline of the article reads, most young men are single, most young women are not. And it gives a bunch of different examples and reasons why women are not as single as men are, despite the fact that there are more women in the population than there are men. And as I was reading and I was like, this is really fascinating. One of the first things that they said was that women aren't dating down.

0:04:24 Bruce Anthony: And I can kind of identify with that because I don't date down. Like, if you need if a woman ain't got nothing going on with her life or is at least doing something in her career, I ain't messed up with her because I'm not going to keep somebody. I'm kind of looking for somebody to keep me, but that's neither here nor there.

0:04:46 J. Aundrea: Both.

0:04:48 Bruce Anthony: I think everybody I have a friend, she's brilliant, all types of degrees, works for herself, makes boatloads money. He says, I'm just waiting for that billionaire to come and scoop me up so I never have to work again. I was like, you're a strong, independent woman. Don't you? No, I don't want to work no more.

0:05:06 J. Aundrea: Well, I think everybody, in a heartbeat, will regress to our childhood selves and just let ourselves be taken care of, hands down. Listen, I don't know anybody who given a real opportunity to be a sugar baby wouldn't do it.

0:05:31 Bruce Anthony: Ms. Future, I'll take your last name. I don't care if you out there and you got money. You know what, though? That's not true. Because a day somebody was with her, she made close to half a million dollars a year. I could have been kept I could have stayed up in the house because her ex husband was a no good nothing and didn't do nothing. I could have stayed up in the house, didn't work out, because she got on my nerves.

0:06:03 J. Aundrea: Yeah, I think at the end of the day, if you're to be rich, but also don't get on my nerves.

0:06:10 Bruce Anthony: You can't have everything.

0:06:13 J. Aundrea: Listen, you can dream, shoot for the moon. You'll land among the stars. That's my motto in life. I have only ever dated broke people. And let me tell you something. It's not great. It's not great. And I'm not saying I think a lot of what's behind not dating down I wouldn't necessarily say it's not dating down. It's more about when people don't fit in their mind the ideal of what it means to be a successful person.

0:06:52 J. Aundrea: They are miserable. They are miserable, miserable human beings. I don't know if you ever dated somebody broke, but they are miserable. They are so miserable. They complain about everything. Is always the most broke people that worried about gold diggers. And I'm like, nobody.

0:07:14 Bruce Anthony: Nobody wants you to get no money.

0:07:15 J. Aundrea: Nobody's digging in your yard, sir. No one. And so it's more about dating someone where you're kind of equally yoked so that you don't have that dependence.

0:07:34 Bruce Anthony: Nobody's dependent upon each other, and the.

0:07:36 J. Aundrea: Person is not miserable.

0:07:39 Bruce Anthony: But a person can have money and still be miserable.

0:07:42 J. Aundrea: True, but if you say not miserable about that, we're all miserable.

0:07:50 Bruce Anthony: I know people who make we live in DC. So people are here make the median income the median income where I live is $150,000. The median income in DC. Depending on which district in DC. Is pretty high. So when I say these numbers, don't be out here judging me. I'm not being an elitist, but I know people who make $50,000 a year, and I know people that make $150,000 a year. And $150,000 a year person is always broke, and the $50,000 a year person is always going on trips and living life. And it's really about how you manage your money. That's success.

0:08:28 Bruce Anthony: Right?

0:08:28 J. Aundrea: Right. It's about fitting the ideal in your mind of what a successful person is. So it's not necessarily about the number on your bank account. It's not necessarily about how much you get paid. It's about do you feel like you are successful? Do you feel like you're living up to your potential? Do you feel like you've self actualized? I mean, most of us haven't. Most of us haven't. But am I where I want to be financially? No.

0:09:04 J. Aundrea: But at the same time, I'm doing all right. So I'm not miserable about my finances. I feel, by and large, pretty successful. It's the people who don't feel successful that are miserable. We're all miserable. Again, we're going to start there. We're all miserable about something.

0:09:28 Bruce Anthony: About something. Okay. But by and large, I'm not going to generalize and say people are miserable. I think people can be miserable about something. We tend to say that because anxiety runs in our family. Not to put our business out there, but I already did our business out there.

0:09:43 J. Aundrea: We talked about anxiety, depression, narcissism.

0:09:49 Bruce Anthony: All of them. Just to point it out, I have two out of three of those things. One of them I absolutely don't have. I am vain, but I'm not a narcissist. I will say that. No.

0:10:05 J. Aundrea: I don't try to manipulate people.

0:10:07 Bruce Anthony: No. Well, we could be manipulative.

0:10:11 J. Aundrea: Yeah. But it's not a core part of who I am.

0:10:14 Bruce Anthony: No. Not how I interact with people.

0:10:17 J. Aundrea: No.

0:10:17 Bruce Anthony: Right. So back to this dating down thing. In the article, it talked about how raw numbers women out there are getting degrees at a higher rate than men are right now. Women are out there being educated.

0:10:33 J. Aundrea: Of the 60% of the bachelor degrees right now are going to women.

0:10:38 Bruce Anthony: So a lot of that is when they don't want to date down. It's intelligence as well. And not to equate education with intelligence, but sometimes those things do go hand in hand. They want to be able to have the old days of that man coming home from the long day of work and that woman just being at home all day tending to the kids and cooking, and I'm not really having any type of conversation. Women are like, that is not stimulating to me.

0:11:07 Bruce Anthony: I want to actually have a conversation, and I want to hear what you have to say. We'll get into the emotional aspect of that later. But women want that type of that connection of talk to me. And if you ain't got shit to say, I'm cousin my dad.

0:11:27 J. Aundrea: Well, I did it earlier so that we get one apiece. New rule. We get one apiece, one a piece per episode.

0:11:35 Bruce Anthony: Okay, all right, but I forgot my point. I forgot what I was saying.

0:11:39 J. Aundrea: Now, you were talking about how women are not satisfied with just when you don't have anything to say when there's not the intelligent. And I'll give you a good example of this. I was dating a man, this was years ago. We're sitting down, watching TV, watching jeopardy. And I'm answering the questions, and he asked me, is this a rerun? Now instead of just, first of all, Jeopardy don't have reruns. It's a live game show.

0:12:14 Bruce Anthony: No, they have reruns.

0:12:18 J. Aundrea: But the fact that you think I watched so much Jeopardy. That I remember the answers of a prior show as opposed to just knowing the answers.

0:12:29 Bruce Anthony: Right.

0:12:30 J. Aundrea: But I have dated people who.

0:12:35 Bruce Anthony: They.

0:12:35 J. Aundrea: Just have a different kind of knowledge from mine. It's just a different we have different life experiences. It's a different kind of knowledge. But again, it goes back to how that person feels about their own intelligence. Yeah, I went to college. I got some common sense, and I got some academic sense. I'm a fairly intelligent person, but just because I have a certain kind of knowledge doesn't mean that the kind of knowledge that the other person has isn't just as valuable.

0:13:08 J. Aundrea: But it's again, about that person's mindset. Do you feel intelligent or do you feel small around me? I can't help you. If it's the latter, I can't help you.

0:13:22 Bruce Anthony: Coming from a male perspective, when I date women, I try to date women, and lately, any woman that I've ever labeled as my girlfriend right. They're smarter than I am, or unless I designate, oh, you're smarter than I am or as smart. Right. That's important to me. That's attractive to me. I actually like it when a woman is actually smarter than me. And I was like, oh, I can learn something from you, because in most scenarios, this is generalized and this is just saying, the women I've dated, I think that I'm extremely street smart, that I can see different angles.

0:14:01 Bruce Anthony: Well, common sense and street smart are close to the same thing, but they're not exactly the same thing. Right, right. You can have common sense, and you can also have street smarts. I think I have an abundance of both. Now, when it come to reading them books, reading the comprehension, I get by. But the rest of that stuff the rest of that stuff. I have unsolicited perspective, and it's perspective that people often find coming from an intelligent thought process.

0:14:36 Bruce Anthony: So I can be engaging, even though technically your book smarter than I am, but the fact that you know things that I don't know. The last girl that I dated, she was very well traveled, and so I'm completely ignorant to anything as far as being to Europe or Africa or Asia. And I'm never going to go to Australia. So that's never going to happen.

0:15:00 J. Aundrea: No, everything is too big and they got raining spiders.

0:15:06 Bruce Anthony: Like, look, I'm not going there. But the point she would say things to me about going to visit different countries in those continents, and I would just be like, yeah, I've never been there. I've only been to the Caribbean. Do you want to go? I used to say I didn't want to go because I thought the plane ride was too far, too long until I flew to Hawaii.

0:15:29 J. Aundrea: Like the Middle Passage.

0:15:33 Bruce Anthony: That wasn't the reason I thought it was too long. And I don't like being on planes for more than 3 hours. Right. I got past that. Flying to Hawaii because the flight to Hawaii is half your life, but truly it's the longest flight known to man. It's quicker to get to the moon. It's quicker to get to the moon it is to Hawaii.

0:15:56 J. Aundrea: You can go circle the moon, come back, go get some neat. And somebody still is on their way to Hawaii, right?

0:16:05 Bruce Anthony: Remember when Superman and Superman, the original movie, flew around the Earth and made the Earth spin backwards? That whole time he was flying around Earth, he still didn't hit Hawaii. Hawaii is not on Earth. Earth is somewhere out in the Milky Way. But the point of the matter is, like, I like dating somebody that's smarter than me. I'm also very secure in myself. Like, I don't really get to one I know I bring something to the table and if you are smarter than me, cool, that means I'm going to learn something.

0:16:34 Bruce Anthony: But this article goes on to lead and talk about how some men are just insecure about the way things are now because the power dynamics in their eyes are switching. And we see that anytime somebody says anything negative, a man says anything negative about the Me Too movement, I'm like, just shut the hell up. You had all this power, you didn't even realize that you had it. It's just naturally given to you because you're a male.

0:17:05 Bruce Anthony: And now women are not even on equal footing yet as far as the power structures, let's just say, in this country are not even equal footing yet, but because they're inching closer to you, you got an issue with it.

0:17:22 J. Aundrea: I just think that it's so interesting that they had all of this power in society, like you said, and look what you did with it. You used it to terrorize people?

0:17:33 Bruce Anthony: Well, yeah, I mean, like, you used.

0:17:36 J. Aundrea: It to terrorize your secretaries and your wife.

0:17:41 Bruce Anthony: Well, they're not secretaries anymore. They're executive assistants. Come on.

0:17:44 J. Aundrea: Now, we got back then, we talked about Mad Men era. In my mind, that's what I'm thinking.

0:17:51 Bruce Anthony: I've never watched Mad Men, but neither did I, but I know that there was a female character that they highly respected, but nevertheless, this article specifically is talking about young men in their 20s, young people in their twenty s. I.

0:18:08 J. Aundrea: Believe 18 to 29 is what they were looking at.

0:18:12 Bruce Anthony: And I'm thinking I'm looking at if you're 18 to 29, let's go with the younger version. That means you're 18. Let's say your parents had you when they were 30, so your parents like, 48. That's slightly older than me. It means they were born in the really grew up in the late 80s, early ninety s. And that was still around the time that's still around the time where men and women had certain roles that were traditionally identified as men roles and women roles. Right.

0:18:44 J. Aundrea: Yeah. This idea of gender equity in the sense that we're talking about it now, this is very new. This is like the last 15 years that we're talking about. 15 years.

0:19:00 Bruce Anthony: I think you started to see the rise of it in ninety s. Yeah, for sure.

0:19:06 J. Aundrea: But I think in terms of what that article was talking about, which, of course, this article is sort of like an offshoot of that Psychology Today article by Dr. Greg Motos that had everybody in a show called and it was basically what's behind the rise of lonely men. And one of the things that he talks about, one of the three things that he identifies I don't agree with.

0:19:32 Bruce Anthony: The three things he identifies, but throw them all out.

0:19:38 J. Aundrea: Well, he says it is due to three things reason why men are lonely. One, dating apps. Two, the change in relationship standards that women have higher standards now for their partners.

0:19:52 Bruce Anthony: That's what we've been talking about.

0:19:54 J. Aundrea: Yeah, so that was what I was going to talk about next. But then there's also these skill deficits, these emotional skill deficits, which I think you wanted to talk about after.

0:20:02 Bruce Anthony: I want to talk about that later.

0:20:03 J. Aundrea: Yeah, but a lot of women now are romance. They're just saying, you know what? Like this article says, I'd rather just go to brunch with my friends than another bad date. So it's this insecurity within some men not all men, obviously, but some men. And then it's also women saying, I don't want to do this anymore. I tried, I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. Right. And they're really moving more in favor of building up these same sex, these female friendships and these female bonds.

0:20:54 J. Aundrea: I mean, hell, at the end of this month, I'm going on a girl's trip. Like, it's what are you doing this time?

0:21:00 Bruce Anthony: You just went on a girl's trip.

0:21:02 J. Aundrea: I'm going to Cardihania. It's a good friend of mine's.

0:21:05 Bruce Anthony: 40Th and what you're not going to believe this detour. For my birthday, I was going to choose between Cartagena or Carter Junior, as Fat Joe would say, and New Orleans. I know those are two random things, but two places that I definitely wanted to go, and I was leading towards Cardija because New Orleans in July seems like that would be help.

0:21:31 J. Aundrea: I'm going to need us to normalize Hamia Cardi.

0:21:38 Bruce Anthony: I'm following what Fat Joe says, but go ahead. So you're taking a girl's trip down there, but you finished what you were.

0:21:49 J. Aundrea: Saying, so I think it's less about the dating apps. I don't agree with that one. That's the one I don't agree with.

0:22:00 Bruce Anthony: I disagree with you on that one. I think dating apps have that goes more to my social media argument. I'm including dating apps in that and porn. But that's later. That's a little tease for later on the episode, right?

0:22:14 J. Aundrea: My three is, yes, there are emotional skill deficits. Yes, relationship standards are changing. But also we have to talk about society's construction of manhood and how that and the patriarchy and how that is negatively impacting men, not just women, but how it's negatively impacting men. Society has told men or given men the signal that your worth is bound up in how much you can provide. Your worth is bound up in things that women no longer value in relationships.

0:22:58 Bruce Anthony: Because they can get it on their own.

0:23:00 J. Aundrea: We can get those things on our own. So now we're valuing having a partner. But that was never the thing you all were told was important by society because women didn't have a voice back then. Women weren't your equal back then in society. And so the idea of you being a good partner, a good communicator, being emotionally available, these were not things that you all were told were important.

0:23:36 Bruce Anthony: All we had to do was come home with some flowers or some candy or some chocolate. Candy. Chocolate is candy, but you know what I mean. And that would do the trick.

0:23:46 J. Aundrea: You have a lot of men, I will say mostly men like my age, in their 30s that are looking at their grandparents who were married for however, how many years?

0:24:03 Bruce Anthony: Let's point out the grandparents were freaking miserable together. They were just together.

0:24:10 J. Aundrea: Our grandma was in that front room. Grandpa was in that back room. And I swear I never saw them in the same space at the same time.

0:24:20 Bruce Anthony: They did not wow, I never thought about it like that.

0:24:24 J. Aundrea: Yes, they did not interact.

0:24:26 Bruce Anthony: And then our other grandparents, they divorced.

0:24:29 J. Aundrea: They divorced and they thought every holiday, every holiday. Okay. But you're looking at a situation where you have a woman with no options. She had no options. And now we do have options. And so we're not going to stay in situations that don't serve us any longer. And the patriarchy is what is keeping men single. These really toxic ideas about what should be important to a man and what really defines manhood, what defines masculinity.

0:25:19 J. Aundrea: This idea that showing your emotions isn't manly unless that emotion is anger, well.

0:25:26 Bruce Anthony: That'S a different topic that I want to get to later. As far as we can get to that next, that could be a good segue into that. But I actually agree with the article. It's a combination of all three of those things that he's saying, and the quiet part needs to be said out loud. This article specifically talking about those 18 to 29 year olds, a lot of them are single. And they do say that there's a lower sex rate for as compared to generations prior, for that generation of 18 to 29, as opposed to, let's say when my generation was 18 to 29, that this generation that's 18 to 29 now is having sex less.

0:26:12 Bruce Anthony: And some of those numbers were attributed to the pandemic. And either you was having a lot of sex during the pandemic, or you wouldn't have a none. It depends on we either came out.

0:26:24 J. Aundrea: With a Bank City or we came out with R1 strong arm.

0:26:28 Bruce Anthony: But I would say another, I was focused on my point and Mr. Joke.

0:26:44 J. Aundrea: You were full.

0:26:47 Bruce Anthony: And I'll get to that strong arm later. But a lot of men are choosing to be single, but that doesn't mean that they're not dating, right? A lot of men are dating. They just like, I ain't going to be tied down. And now we can segue into social media.

0:27:07 J. Aundrea: But I would ask those guys that have that kind of mentality updating, updating, and I don't want to be tied down. Ask some guys in their forty s and fifty s who are still single how well that works out.

0:27:27 Bruce Anthony: Look, I'm going to tell you right now, I'm single and I'm in my forty s. And when my young 40s, by the way, people, young 40s, that's the Nazi moron. There's no young 40s, early forty s, and it is young 40. I'm a young 40. My knees don't hurt that much anyway. I'm a single man in his forty s. It is absolutely by choice, though. If I wanted to get tied down, I could get tied down tomorrow. And that's not your boy bragging. That's just stating facts.

0:28:07 Bruce Anthony: I choose not to because a lot of these people out here are self absorbed. But that goes into another conversation. I want to focus right now on social media. I am that generation where social media really became a thing. It started with MySpace, Facebook. Then Instagram came in there. You had snapchat. Snapchat was a dangerous, dangerous game. Twitter was before I think Twitter was before Instagram and Snapchat.

0:28:42 Bruce Anthony: And then you got TikTok, right? And I know you could slide into DMs on TikTok. I was of that generation where when MySpace came out, it was like, oh, so I can meet women in other areas? Because the women that you can meet was confined to your area. It's wherever you were. Right. It was in your college. If you was at the college, he was at your college, or if it wasn't at your college, it was in your town. That was it. If you went to another town and you went to a bar or something like that, you might meet somebody, but your pool was restricted.

0:29:15 J. Aundrea: Yes.

0:29:16 Bruce Anthony: And I remember one of my close friends, close friends at the time, one of my close friends said and we were in our 20s, he was like I was like, man, why are you so worried about just settling down? Ain't nothing wrong with just settling down. He's like, waiting for that last bus. The last bus? Yeah, the last bus of all the women that want just me. And that's a real mentality that men will have. Right?

0:29:41 Bruce Anthony: And now that last bus is not restricted to just that area, right. It's the entire world.

0:29:51 J. Aundrea: Yeah.

0:29:52 Bruce Anthony: So it's tough for people. This is a generalized conversation. I'm not making it solely on men and women. It's tough for people to sell it down because they have so many options. You live in here, in the DC area, your options are horrible. But you have so latin. Not better, but it's a major metropolitan area, right. So there are so many people concentrated in this little area that looks sprawling to us, but it really isn't. It's a small area. Right.

0:30:25 Bruce Anthony: There's so many people in this area to choose from. We didn't grow up in New York City, which is the closest thing to do, right? Like New York City. You had the subway. So New York City has always been what the world is now, a huge pool of people that you can choose from to be your mate. You had different boroughs. Now, social media has made it, and by and large, these dating apps, right, have made it where you can just scroll and swipe, scroll and swipe, and you have so many options.

0:31:05 Bruce Anthony: This girl one time cuts me out. I was supposed to go out and date with her. I met her on a dating site, right? I met her on a dating site. I told her before our date, hey, I'm going to have to cancel the date. I'm not going to be able to talk to you in that way because I started seeing somebody, and we're going to try to be exclusive. She was furious at me. She was like, how are you going to be on a dating site and dating somebody?

0:31:32 Bruce Anthony: I was like, well, we weren't committed to each other. We weren't exclusive. And it was a dating site that's the whole purpose is to go on dates with you date people until you decide, oh, I don't want to date anybody else. I just want to date this one person.

0:31:47 J. Aundrea: Yeah, that's how dating works.

0:31:49 Bruce Anthony: How dating works. So she legitimately got mad at me. But social media and dating, I think, can also attribute to the fact that these men don't want to settle down. Why would they want to settle down with one woman when they can have as many women in their head that they could possibly, possibly get? Like, a lot of women have a lot of options, but to some have a lot of options.

0:32:12 J. Aundrea: Yeah. So that's not actually what the research is suggesting, though. They're saying that men are lonely, they are sexually dormant, they are friendless. And a lot of what you're seeing on the dating apps, 62% of the users on dating apps are men. So it's women. It's buyers market for women.

0:32:41 Bruce Anthony: Yeah.

0:32:42 J. Aundrea: There is not as many women as a sausage fest on these dating sites.

0:32:46 Bruce Anthony: Okay, well, you know what?

0:32:47 J. Aundrea: I think that correlates, and I'll make another point. The dark side of social media. The rise of these incel podcasts out.

0:33:00 Bruce Anthony: Here telling men the Andrew Tates yes.

0:33:04 J. Aundrea: The Andrew Tates and the what was it? Kevin.

0:33:07 Bruce Anthony: Kevin Samuel. Kevin Samuel, may he rest in peace. He passed. Man died. He wasn't a devil. He was just doing the devil's work.

0:33:19 J. Aundrea: That doesn't negate the harm that he did in life. I don't agree that just because somebody died sometimes that we have to venerate them.

0:33:29 Bruce Anthony: I agree with that. I agree with that.

0:33:33 J. Aundrea: I'm sorry. None of us are going to make it out of here alive. Why do people get surprised by death? We are all headed to the upper.

0:33:41 Bruce Anthony: Well, not all of us headed to the upper.

0:33:43 J. Aundrea: None of us are going to make it off this planet alive, okay? So let's relax. But what you're seeing in The Dark Side of Social Media is like, the indoctrination of these young men into this kind of incel ideology and into this really harmful and toxic ideology. And that's also part of what's keeping them from making meaningful connections with women. And what's keeping them lonely and keeping them dormant is you're not an incel because women won't date you.

0:34:26 J. Aundrea: Women won't date you because of your personality, and you have made yourself involuntarily.

0:34:34 Bruce Anthony: Sullivan that's not you did that to you fellas. I don't know what the hell you all on. Wait a minute. I have made myself involuntarily celibate, but that was because I didn't want to hurt nobody's feeling because I wasn't emotionally available. I've grown, I'm mature. But these young cats, I wasn't that way when I was 18. That wasn't voluntary? No. So you're saying these cats is involuntary because they yes, it's involuntary. Voluntary.

0:35:05 Bruce Anthony: Okay.

0:35:05 J. Aundrea: Well, it's involuntary because they want to be in relationships. They want women, and they can't get them. And they think the problem is with the women. No, the problem is your personality, sir. You're crazy. And so don't nobody want to mess with you. And that's why involuntarily you are celibate. That is why. You have become an incel because of you. It's your fault. It's not me, it's you.

0:35:42 Bruce Anthony: All right? I want to get more on this incel thing because I think it ties into what I was going to say about porn. The article talked about how a lot of men now aren't dating because they are satisfying themselves because porn is readily available. Now, I go get real specific because you're my sister, and that's still that dynamic no matter how close we wear. I don't want to talk about that type of stuff.

0:36:13 J. Aundrea: Our mom listens to this.

0:36:15 Bruce Anthony: Well, yeah, well, look, mom and dad can't say nothing, right? Because they knew each other for a short period of time before I was on the way. So as far as I'm concerned, they can't say nothing. Not a daggone thing, not a nar nut. And once again, if you don't get that joke, just watch how high it's hilarious. Porn, right? Like, I was talking to a friend of mine. She's going to watch this. She's going to know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm talking about you. But I'm not putting your name out there, right? So I'm not putting your name out there. But it was an interesting conversation that I had with her.

0:36:50 Bruce Anthony: And she was dating a guy, and the guy couldn't climax. No matter what she did, he couldn't climax. And I was like, oh, yeah, I've heard of this before. He watched too much porn. And I talked to another female friend of mine who said she dated a guy who was, like, straight up addicted to porn and their sex life was non existent. And I was like, yeah. She was like, because he was masturbating all the time, watching porn all day long. And I was like, yeah, that'll do it.

0:37:20 Bruce Anthony: That'll do it. And then I saw an interview with a porn star, Bella Danger. I think it was on. It was Instagram, and it led to YouTube. She's a popular porn star, actually. I think she goes to the University of Miami now. Anyway, and she was saying that guys want what the women do in the porn movies, and that's absolutely unrealistic, right? Because they are performers. And don't get me wrong, some women will do that stuff, but most women ate come on, this younger generation, because women in the younger generation are watching porn like men are.

0:38:10 Bruce Anthony: They're picking up like you have these songs young kids are singing now I eat the booty like groceries. Excuse me. Back my day. Back in my day, you go back and you watch The Sopranos episode, and they were joking on a dude for going down to a woman, saying that you can only do that on her birthday or something like that. And now kids just talk about eating booty. This is hey, wait a minute. Now. What are we talking about now?

0:38:33 Bruce Anthony: It's new porn. I don't think porn is a bad thing. I think too much porn, just like anything is a bad thing. I think liquor is a good thing. I'm having a drink right now as we speak. I don't think it's bad. I think anything in excess is a bad thing.

0:38:49 J. Aundrea: And I think also not forgetting that it's fantasy is a bad thing.

0:38:57 Bruce Anthony: Right.

0:38:58 J. Aundrea: And expecting one of the scariest things I saw, a gentleman was stalking and harassing a female coworker. Her dad got involved and I guess threatened to beat his ass. So he called the cops on the dad. Okay. Now this is after he followed this woman in his car, like all the way to her. So she called her dad, obviously. And one of the scariest parts about when the police were interviewing him, who of course, obviously they sided with the father. If you're following somebody's daughter yeah. The dad is gone.

0:39:40 J. Aundrea: Yeah. Okay, right. One of the scariest things he said is, well, women like this, they like being chased, they like rape fantasies. The women like this kind of thing. No, that definitely came from porn and that's definitely not something that women like to do. It's this idea of forgetting that this is a fantasy. It's just like going to a strip club. You're not about to go home with baby girl. It's a fantasy. She's there to make her money.

0:40:11 Bruce Anthony: Sometimes.

0:40:12 J. Aundrea: And even saying sometimes, I mean, it's literally 1% if that of the time and you are balancing and she feels like more money could be had if I leave the club with this person right now, okay, nine times I tend either that or she's dumb because she's going to make money.

0:40:35 Bruce Anthony: Could just be the guy is just handsome and got great personality.

0:40:39 J. Aundrea: No, because I got away with women. Every woman that dances knows eventually that guy is going to have a problem with her dancing and it's going to be a whole thing and don't know why. No, I'm here to make my money. This is a fantasy. I don't really want you. I want your finger wallet price.

0:40:58 Bruce Anthony: Well, I once again, I think that's generational, right. Because this article is specifically talking this article brings up porn and is specifically talking about the 18 to 29 year olds. And like I said, I'm in my early forty s and I have grown up during the rise of porn. But the accessibility of it, they had the accessibility of it way younger than look, am I going to tell the story? I brought it up, might as well tell it. I remember a friend of mine, we were in high school, we snuck, there was video stores.

0:41:36 Bruce Anthony: Okay, this is back in day when there was actually video stores. And this was back in the day before Blockbuster bought all the video stores, blockbuster and Hollywood Video. And they still had mom and pop video stores that had the triple X rated movies. That was in the back. I looked older than what I was so I went back behind that, grabbed the tape me and my boy traded off on who had the tape for the amount of days that we got it. But I was 17 years old, right?

0:42:07 J. Aundrea: Yeah.

0:42:07 Bruce Anthony: Like, before that, I had seen videotapes of porn, but I still didn't see my first videotape of porn until I was 1415 years old. And by that time, I know just because in my puberty stage, I'm in either middle school or high school, I know life ain't like this, right? I know this. But now, kids, if they get a cell phone and some of these kids are getting cell phones in elementary school, they have a cell phone, and their parents don't know how to block certain things.

0:42:38 Bruce Anthony: These kids can see porn, hardcore porn. And before they seen their first real life booby, before they seen their first real life booby that they can remember. That they can remember. Right? Because they seen the boobies before they seen their mama's movies. But that'll count. Before they see a real life booby, they're watching hardcore pornography. That distorts your mind because you don't have anything in real life to compare it to. So you think that's what it is? I've been saying it.

0:43:14 Bruce Anthony: I've been beating this drum for years. The reason why we're seeing a rise in the sexual assault numbers yes. More women are coming forward. That is absolutely true. Also, men now are distorted and what is actually consensual because they don't realize that what they're seeing is a fantasy. I don't understand how they can't realize there's a fantasy when they watch action movies and realize that the dude ain't dodging bullets right and left. But then again, maybe they don't. Maybe there's a disconnect there.

0:43:57 J. Aundrea: But I think a porn is real in the sense that these are two people who are actually having sex.

0:44:09 Bruce Anthony: Yes. Well, I've been on a porn set before.

0:44:12 J. Aundrea: I did not know that.

0:44:16 Bruce Anthony: I've been on a porn set before. I was in my mid twenty s. I had watched porn movies. What I saw in that set and what I see in the finished product, I was like, oh, this is a movie.

0:44:31 J. Aundrea: This is a production. It's a production, yes. They're getting the lighting right. It's choreographed. It's a production.

0:44:40 Bruce Anthony: You think it's continuous and it's like, no. Oh, this is edited to make it look you know this as a videographer, right? And as a film person, you know that you could take different clips and cut them all together where it's smooth and it doesn't look like there's any cuts.

0:44:57 J. Aundrea: Yeah, but when that angle changes.

0:45:02 Bruce Anthony: There was a cut there. It's not one long, continuous shot. That's not how porn is. I feel like if kids are you know what? This should be a learning experience. If I ever have kids, this is what I'm going to do. If I find out my son or daughter sitting out there watching porn, I'm like, okay, since you watch a porn, I'm going to show you how unreal this is. We're going to go to a porn set. We're going to go to a real live porn set, and you're going to see the production behind it.

0:45:29 J. Aundrea: And once you see Preemptively calling CPS.

0:45:33 Bruce Anthony: No, once you see how the hot dog is made, you ain't going to want that hot dog anymore. It's sauce. Well, sauce is hot dogs, too. Hot dogs made favorite.

0:45:45 J. Aundrea: They are gross. They're deliciously gross, but they're gross. Yeah. And then you have to also look at who is porn for it's. For the male gaze, the power dynamic is usually male centric. And who doesn't want to feel powerful and dominant over another person? Especially if you're in a society that tells you that a man, alpha man, a high value man, he's dominant, he runs his house. Especially if you're in a society that propagates that kind of ideology.

0:46:31 J. Aundrea: And you're looking you're not understanding that every time that camera angle moves, that was a cut. And this is a highly choreographed this is not just somebody looking through the window at two people having sex with.

0:46:46 Bruce Anthony: Showing, which is but you made a point about something. And this idea of alpha male, I've always been like, that's not a thing. Men love to say men and women love to say I'm an alpha or a type personality.

0:47:01 J. Aundrea: That's another female and all that.

0:47:04 Bruce Anthony: Let me explain something to everybody out there. You can be both an alpha and a beta at the same damn time. It depends on the scenario, because all these alpha males is like, you remember in Hitch where the guy that eventually plays in Burn Notice, he's the one that was trying to have sex with that girl and Hitch wouldn't work with him.

0:47:26 J. Aundrea: I don't remember that.

0:47:28 Bruce Anthony: Well, okay, well, there's a scene where he grabs Hitch's arm and he was like, you see that? And he's holding in place. You see that? That's who I am. Power suit, power tie, power. And then Hitch does a little flip, busts his head down on the table. And it's like, you may think in certain situations you had that power, and maybe you do have that power, but in every situation out there, there's a counter to that where you can straight be a Beta. Let me tell you something. A lot of these alpha males out here think they're alpha.

0:47:58 Bruce Anthony: Go to jail one time, just go to county, just go to overnight booking.

0:48:04 J. Aundrea: Beyond even that, not just alpha males, but women who also identify as alphas. The implication is this idea of hyper independence, but they be the first ones to be little spoon, like, knock it off. You're the first ones that want to cuddle and beat everybody, wants to have someone take care or love on and spoil them a little bit. Like this idea that you have to be hyper independent. It really is. You're denying the part of yourself that also likes to be taken care of.

0:48:46 Bruce Anthony: Which leads us to men being emotionally unavailable, and that being the third thing that this article brought up. And I think there's some truth in that, and then there's some lies in that. Let me give you an example. So it's true. Men aren't the greatest at expressing their emotions. People joke on me all the time. They say, oh, you're a cancer, so you're real sensitive. I'm like, not really. I'm kind of sensitive is how somebody can say something to me and my feelings are hurt.

0:49:25 Bruce Anthony: I'm not that type of sensitive. When was the last time somebody said something to me and my feelings was hurt?

0:49:30 J. Aundrea: You got good friends who will say one wrong thing, and you'd be like, no, you know what? Emotional cut off.

0:49:40 Bruce Anthony: Hold on. Time out. I do emotional cut off. I do distance myself from people, but that's because I get annoyed, not because they hurt my feelings. No, that's not the same thing. Being annoyed and being like, I don't want to deal with this right now.

0:49:56 J. Aundrea: You are identifying it as being annoyed, but truly you are upset because you had an expectation of this person that they didn't meet.

0:50:08 Bruce Anthony: Yeah, okay, all right, okay. I don't think that's sensitive to that.

0:50:10 J. Aundrea: You're hurt.

0:50:12 Bruce Anthony: Okay.

0:50:14 J. Aundrea: And your response to it is to cut off emotionally.

0:50:17 Bruce Anthony: Okay, yes, that's what I do, and I'm cool with that life. That's the way I've been living for my 40 plus years, and that's the way I'm going to live. Emotional cut off. But anyway, but this is what I've learned, and this is just my experiences. I can't speak for the general population, and I know you don't agree with me on this. Women will say to me, I want you to open up. I want you to tell me about your day. I want you to tell me about how you're feeling and this and that. I'm, like, the greatest at sharing that type of stuff. I'll give you peripheral, but I ain't going to give you the deep down inside stuff. That's not really how I made up.

0:50:55 Bruce Anthony: It's like, Well, I want you to try. All right, I'll try. But when you do those type of things and I've heard other men talk about it, when you do those type of things and my best friend is a female. She wants a man's man, kind of like that old school, but then gets upset at the same time when he doesn't open up emotionally. I'm like, you can't have both. That's not a thing. You can't have both. Either you want him to have that balance, or you want him to be one way or the other.

0:51:29 Bruce Anthony: But even if you get that balance, you do realize that they're going to be sometimes in your head. He's not that masculine male that you're projecting because he's letting down his guard, and he's being emotional. And then when that man lets down his guard and is emotional and that woman turns it back on him, you might as well forget it. He is never going to be emotional like that again. He's going to be cold, and he probably not going to open up again.

0:51:57 Bruce Anthony: I'm not saying that from experience, but I will tell you that a girl did that to me back in 2002.

0:52:03 J. Aundrea: Oh, you remember the exact okay, yeah.

0:52:06 Bruce Anthony: It may have been November 17, 2002. It may have been November 17.

0:52:10 J. Aundrea: Damn. Right before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I hear it. So I don't know. What about that? I would disagree with I actually agree with that because there are women who are just as bound up in toxic masculinity and the patriarchy as men. There are some women who are like, I just want my man to be able to build a fence and mow the lawn, and that's all a man should do. I take care of the home. And that's completely fine.

0:52:45 J. Aundrea: Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with believing in traditional gender roles. Just find another person who believes in traditional gender roles.

0:52:55 Bruce Anthony: Right.

0:52:55 J. Aundrea: Find someone else whose value system aligns with yours is when people whose value systems don't align try to get together. Well, somebody who wants a traditional type of relationship. Someone else who wants the more modern idea of a relationship where we're talking more about equity than we are about both of us falling into specific roles based on the arbitrariness of our genitalia. When that happens, that you find this not just emotional disconnection, but the social disconnection as well.

0:53:40 Bruce Anthony: I know she's going to listen to this. Sorry, bus. I didn't throw you on the bus. You just like a certain man, that's all. You like what you like.

0:53:48 J. Aundrea: It's not throwing nobody under the bus. This is the thing. There's nothing wrong with wanting those traditional. The point is that you should be able to have options.

0:53:58 Bruce Anthony: Yes, there's plenty of options today. Case in point, social media and dating sites. And these women. Another thing. Go ahead, finish your thought because I cut you off.

0:54:10 J. Aundrea: It's just when two people whose value systems don't align are trying to change each other, and we had this conversation a while ago when we talked about the Passport Bros. And what they're looking for, right? They want Ms. Shirley's Personality. Ms. Shirley down to church. They want her personality in a package of Mega the Stallion. And you're not going to find that.

0:54:39 Bruce Anthony: I think Meg is that I think they're trying to find Meg the Stallion. I think she is.

0:54:44 J. Aundrea: She got a man, she's fine. She got a man, she's fine.

0:54:47 Bruce Anthony: There's another one like her.

0:54:50 J. Aundrea: They think that. But, you know, Carney is like that. And also she is married, so it's like they already got let me tell you something. If you find somebody like that, they're already wifeed up. There's no stragglers that haven't been picked up. They've already been wiped up gabriel union, all of them. They already been wiped up.

0:55:17 Bruce Anthony: They're done.

0:55:19 J. Aundrea: Savannah James. Okay.

0:55:20 Bruce Anthony: No, you're not. LeBron liked that day off from high school. It was like, yes. I don't know what's going to go on, but you're going to be my queen. I know that for sure. You're going to be the mother, my kids, and my forever queen. We're going to be side by side to date that one of us die, and that's that.

0:55:42 J. Aundrea: Okay, they done.

0:55:45 Bruce Anthony: That's what I'm looking hey, look, if it's any more megastallions out there, come holler.

0:55:52 J. Aundrea: They're already in a relationship.

0:55:53 Bruce Anthony: Well, maybe they didn't know that I was single and come hollage, boy, I am single because I do not have a girlfriend.

0:56:01 J. Aundrea: Not only that, if they don't get a man, they got a woman, because that's another thing. It said one in five gen z identify as queer, and most of those are made up of bisexual women. Women are dating other women. They're like, you know what? I actually am good with my bestie.

0:56:24 Bruce Anthony: Hold on. Let's not put that on the standpoint of this is something new. It's not new. It's just something that people are more comfortable being their true selves and not forcing themselves into something that's traditional. We have somebody who's one of my favorite people in the world who is gay, and I talk to her all the time. Well, that's not true. I don't talk to all the time. Anytime I talk to her, I tell her how much she means to me because she's one of my role models.

0:57:05 Bruce Anthony: She was an openly gay woman, openly gay black woman in Tennessee in the 90s, climbing the corporate ladder. To me, she is one of the baddest people I've ever met in my entire life, and I hold her in such high esteem. And I said, well, when did you know that you were gay? And she was like, I always knew. I knew when I was a little kid, and I was sitting in the back of the family station wagon as we were leaving the beach, looking at the girls. I was like, but you still dated guys and stuff like that. Because that's what I was supposed to do during that time.

0:57:43 Bruce Anthony: And eventually, I guess I never asked her when she did, but I know it was in her college years because I was hanging out with them. She had a female friend, and I knew at a very young age. I was like, yeah, I always knew.

0:58:01 J. Aundrea: Right by the time we came around, it wasn't that hard to figure out.

0:58:06 Bruce Anthony: Well, I don't think she had come out yet. I don't think she had officially come out yet.

0:58:11 J. Aundrea: Homegirl rocked cowboy boots and drove a pickup truck and had a one bedroom apartment with another woman. We knew.

0:58:20 Bruce Anthony: Well, we knew because we ain't done. We knew, but one of her pairs didn't know, which I find ridiculous. Yeah, but I don't think this is some people of our generation, some people who think a certain way from our generation will say, these kids don't know what they're doing. They're confused. They're not confused. They're free to be they're free to be me.

0:58:49 J. Aundrea: Right.

0:58:52 Bruce Anthony: I don't mean it like me particularly, but they're free to be them. They're free to be who they are.

0:58:59 J. Aundrea: Because operative pronouns them.

0:59:03 Bruce Anthony: Well, that's if they're trans. I had a conversation.

0:59:06 J. Aundrea: No, but just the fact that we're talking. We're not specifying a gender.

0:59:10 Bruce Anthony: Okay, you're right.

0:59:11 J. Aundrea: And immediately say that this is all perfect.

0:59:14 Bruce Anthony: I'm still learning. No, it's perfect.

0:59:17 J. Aundrea: You were correct.

0:59:18 Bruce Anthony: Oh, I said them. I did it without. I'm getting better. I did it without even exactly.

0:59:24 J. Aundrea: It's not that damn hard if you.

0:59:27 Bruce Anthony: Condition yourself and you really try to learn. But I got some people that are my age, especially black males my age. I never understood. Well, I have. There was a time in my life where I was homophobic when I was young. I was taught that it's a scary thing until I actually worked with gay men and I realized, I don't know why heterosexual men are afraid of gay men thinking that every gay man wants them.

1:00:00 Bruce Anthony: Some of them will find you attractive, and some of them will hit on you. I absolutely been hit on.

1:00:08 J. Aundrea: I think I said it while on another show. And it is because straight men are worried that they'll be treated the way that they treat women. No one wants to be objectified. No one wants to be harassed sexually.

1:00:29 Bruce Anthony: You know how there's this new thing where women on TikTok are trying to expose men looking at them in the gym? And don't get me wrong, there are absolutely situations where men are staring at women in the gym. And let me just say, if you wear those special leggings that create the crease in your ass we all know.

1:00:51 J. Aundrea: What those leggings are. Yes. Are they the most comfortable leggings of all time? Yes.

1:00:57 Bruce Anthony: I don't understand why giving yourself a wedgie is the most comfortable.

1:01:01 J. Aundrea: It's not. It's just that they conform to your body. They're very comfortable to wear.

1:01:08 Bruce Anthony: Okay, all right. But wearing them and it's all the way up your crack, and the ass is looking splendid. That's not a word, but it's stupendous and supplementis. It's looking fantastic.

1:01:22 J. Aundrea: It sounds like it was stupendous and splendid at once.

1:01:25 Bruce Anthony: Yeah, that's my speech. Come out. We can let it go. But I'm going to stare, and I might yell out. God damn. I might just yell out. And it's just involuntary because I did it in the gym, literally. Stay. There was this young woman. It looked like a woman that I had a crush on 20 years ago. She looks like the way that woman looked 20 years ago today. She's been saying hello to me, and in my mind, that means, oh, you must want a brother.

1:01:57 Bruce Anthony: That's not the case, she's just probably being friendly. Also, she could want a brother. But in my head, it is possible. I mean, I am stop saying this stuff on the air. She didn't catch me, but she walked past me. She's like, hey, how are you doing? I'm like, I'm doing good today. And she kept on walking and I yelled. I didn't really yell it. I said it in that tone, but she looked good. So it actually happens.

1:02:30 Bruce Anthony: But I've also been objectified in the gym where I've seen women straight staring at me. And I look up because there's a mirror in front of me and I look up and I see them staring at me and I'm just like I'm just trying to get my work out on. So I get where women are coming from, but I'm not about to expose them. That's neither here nor there. I went off on a tangent. We're talking about dating. And basically men need to stop watching porn.

1:02:58 Bruce Anthony: They need to realize that. They need to get their personality up and go to therapy. Go to therapy. It's okay to tell people how you feel. Yes, you may get hurt. Yes, you may get rejected. That is literally a part of life. You don't get everything.

1:03:18 J. Aundrea: Yeah, truly. Sometimes people will not take care of your heart the way you would have taken care of theirs.

1:03:29 Bruce Anthony: Hold on, I won't even go that far. I'll say people won't take care of your heart the way you would take care of your heart. Because there's a lot of people out here, they're getting heartbroken. But on the flip side, they've been cheating their ass off. And how do I know this? I was one of those people. But on that note, Jay, it is no longer Black History Month. You've had an entire month to come off with a sign off.

1:03:59 J. Aundrea: I did.

1:04:02 Bruce Anthony: What are you going to tell the people out there?

1:04:04 J. Aundrea: Happy Women's Month, y'all.

1:04:07 Bruce Anthony: New York is going to go. And on that note, holland thank you for listening to Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Please subscribe like, Comment, share and Don't Donation help us keep giving you this free content each and every week until next time out of 5000 freedom over faith. Freedom. Freedom over faith. Read them over fave. The cycle stays the same. Freedom.