Self-Discovery: Navigating Love Languages, Attachment Styles, and Building Self-Confidence

[TRANSCRIPT]
[00:00:11] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): First of all, welcome.
[00:00:12] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): This is unsolicited perspectives. I'm Bruce Anthony, your host, ready to dive into critical issues and events that are shaping the world? Join the conversation by following us on wherever you get your audio podcasts. Subscribe to our YouTube page for our.
[00:00:26] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Video version of our podcast.
[00:00:28] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Write, review, like comment share share with your friends, family, hell, even your enemies. On today's episode, I'll be interviewing Mr. J. He's an interpersonal relationship coach and patrol trauma practitioner. And we're going to be talking about navigating personal growth, unpacking childhood self worth and motivation. But that's enough of this. Let's get to the show. Well, ladies and gentlemen, like I said in the intro, I'm here with Mr.
[00:01:03] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): J. Now, Mr. J has a long list of things that he actually is. He's an Mat and ministry Certified person, Professional Relationship coach, certified patrolled trauma practitioner, Certified Special Education teacher. He has a bachelor's in psychology. He's an author of children's books, most important, Air Force and Army veteran. Thank you for your service. Inspirational public speaker, activist, wedding official, and also maybe your most important job, a parent.
[00:01:38] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Mr. J, welcome to the thank you.
[00:01:41] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Thank you. I appreciate know it's interesting because I am a relationship coach and I specialize in betrayal trauma. And I always find it eye opening that when I do interviews and I completely understand, I respect the process. Everybody initially is focused on credentials, and understandably. However, when I'm working with clients and I've worked with thousands, not one of them ever asked me, where did you go to school? All they want to know is, can you help me? Can you relate? So everything you just named off is true and accurate, and I have that and more. But I'll tell you, the most important credential I have is PhD from the school of hard knocks.
[00:02:35] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): There you go.
[00:02:35] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And that's what makes me the professional I am.
[00:02:40] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, well, Jay Z said it best. It's the hard knock life. Speaking of hard knock life, the first thing I want to ask you is early childhood experiences. Some people will say trauma. And there's definitely that. There's definitely childhood trauma. There's also childhood experiences. How do you think these experiences and traumas shape our view of ourselves and others?
[00:03:11] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay, well, first of all, tremendously, because, number one, we come into the world for the most part, there are some genetic components, there are some biological components, but certainly environment plays a crucial role. The first 18 months of our life, we get our attachment style. The first two years of our life, we get our love language before the age of four, we really don't have memory per se because our hypocampus, which is in charge of recording location and time and memories, isn't necessarily formed. Now, if you have trauma before the age of four, you have bodily trauma, but you don't have verbal trauma. And this is why sometimes when you get to be an adult and if you've had trauma before the age of, when your hypocampus forms around, say, three and a half, four, your body could respond to a certain traumatic stimuli, but you have no words for why you're responding that way because you were pre verbal when the trauma happened. Trauma also changes the filters in our brain. So people that are traumatized in childhood, they don't view the world in the same way that somebody who had, say, a less traumatic childhood or a leave it to beaver childhood or what have you. So without question, childhood, we come into the world relatively on a clean slate for the most part.
[00:04:38] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And our experiences, our education, and then all those other things like are you left handed? Are you right handed? Are you gay? Are you straight? Are you black? Are you white? Are you extremely thin? Are you extremely fat? Every component adds to our experiences and again, even our environment with our parents. Are our parents overtly showing intimacy, hugs and kisses and compliments, or are they standoffish? I mean, without question. I always say we spend the first 18 years of our life learning what we know and the next 70 years of our life trying to unlearn all of that.
[00:05:23] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow. Okay. That was a lot. One of the things that you said, a lot of things that were fascinating. One of the things that I quickly picked up on is that our love languages are formed within the first two years of our life?
[00:05:36] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): For the most part, yeah, there are some exceptions, but yes.
[00:05:39] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): So that's so very interesting because whenever I'm dating somebody, I call it hocus pocus, women tend to, and I'm not generalizing out there women, I'm just saying the women that I've dealt with in my life, they tend to do Zodiac signs and astrology and all that type of stuff. But one of the things that was introduced to me probably about ten to twelve years ago was love languages. And as I've gotten more and more into it, I've learned what my love languages are and I try to learn what my significant other's love language is. How is that developed in the first two years? Is that just based on we learn our love language or our love languages are developed based on how we interact with our parents or our caretakers.
[00:06:26] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, you know, what's fascinating is studies really haven't proven that yet. So some people think it's genetic and biological and some people think it's environment and other people think it's both. There is a train of thought out there or a mindset out there that a lot of the times what your primary caregiver gave you, that's what you acclimated to. However, the flip side of that is whatever your primary caretaker didn't give you, that's your love language because you're always seeking it. So we don't necessarily know where love languages, for the most part, start planting seeds and growing. We just know that we all have, well, first of all, we all need all five. We all need all five.
[00:07:13] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): We do need all five.
[00:07:14] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Oh, we all need all five. But somebody has a primary love language and a secondary love language. So your primary might be physical touch and your secondary might be gifts, and so all of them are going to speak to you. But what speaks to you the most is your primary and secondary. And the reason why this is important in relationships is because I can't tell you how many times I'm talking with a couple and one of them will be home on the couch waiting for their partner to come home thinking we're going to have this big talk and they're going to ask me how my day was. And then their partner walks in and sees that there's a sink full of dishes and they start doing the dishes. And then the one partner will be saying, like, I'm on the couch. You don't come and say hi to me.
[00:08:00] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): You don't ask me how my day was. And then when I'm talking to the other person like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I saw dishes and I thought it would show you love to do the dishes. So both of them had great intent, but they're just missing a spark here. And so then we get to know, oh, this person's love language is acts of kindness. This person's love language is quality time. If they knew that, they would understand and start speaking it to each other. And love languages is the one area in life where you don't treat others as you want to be treated.
[00:08:31] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, I don't want to get too personal on my end, but I'll say I know what my primary love language is. My primary love language is words of affirmation. I don't know why that is, but I guess I do give words of affirmation. Okay. We're kind of detouring but there was something else that you said that I thought was really interesting, and it was. Our attachment styles are also formed in the first 18 months. Can you explain what exactly those attachment styles are?
[00:09:06] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah, which, by the way, I can talk, so if you need to stop me or interrupt me at any point, just let me know.
[00:09:13] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Mr. J. This is what we do on unsolicited perspectives. We talk. Go for it.
[00:09:19] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay. So oftentimes, it is said we get our attachment style by our environment. So, for instance, if we feel very safe in our childhood, we often will express our attachment style in the form of what's called a secure attachment. If we have one parent that is flippy floppy on their needs and meeting your needs and all that, you may have what's called a fearful avoidant or an avoidant attachment. There's other attachments, which is anxious. If you're around people that are anxious a lot, you will get an anxious attachment. And the thing with attachment styles and love languages, and actually, there's actually a forgiveness language as well. There's a forgiveness quiz out there because just very briefly, everybody apologizes differently.
[00:10:20] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Everybody apologizes differently. So you can talk to ten people and say, how do you apologize? Or how do you want to be apologized to? One person will say, I need that note. I need that letter. Another person will be like, sometimes my partner and my spouse will just kind of poke me and tickle me and give me those puppy. That's how I know they're apologizing. The next person might come in with flowers and ice cream and say, I love you. You're beautiful, or what have you. And everybody apologizes differently.
[00:10:51] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And what's interesting about attachment styles and love languages and forgiving languages and all these things is that they're small, but they can really make or break your relationships if you're somebody that needs a letter, and you might even say, you know what? It's not just the letter. I need to hear regret. I need to hear remorse. I need to hear what you're doing. We all have different needs. And if you don't know what you need, there's no way your spouse is going to be a psychic and pick up on that.
[00:11:20] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Exactly.
[00:11:20] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And your relationship is doomed to begin with. And this is why, sorry to get off on a tangent, this is why. The other thing, too, is we all have different emotional gas tanks, right? So, for instance, you might say, I needed this from my mother, or I needed this from my father, or I needed this from my partner. And I'll talk to your mother, your father your partner. And they'll be like, I don't understand what they need because I bleed and sweat giving them everything. And I'll be like, well, here's the deal. TheIr emotional capacity for that tank is probably ten gallons. Yours is two.
[00:11:54] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): You're pouring all of your gas into them, but that could barely start their emotional car because they have a ten gallon capacity. You only have a two. All these little things that we just really. It would benefit us to know so we can share that with people around us, not just our significant others, our friends, our family, our parents, our coworkers, our children, who all have love languages, attachment styles, languages, too, so we can better connect with them.
[00:12:18] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow. Okay. All right. We're going all over the place here. Sorry. No, that's okay. This is good. Let me try and get the train back on the track here.
[00:12:32] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): So our childhood really forms all these things. I know for myself. I didn't discover this stuff. Everything that you're talking about with the attachment styles, with the love languages, with the forgiveness, because I know I read something years ago. I guess it's five stages where it's like, acknowledgment, remorse, forgiveness, and it's just like, look, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm saying I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
[00:13:09] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Is there something I could do? That's the way I apologize to people. Are all of these things formed in us in our childhood? And how can we help people recognize these things earlier in life, as opposed to getting into relationships and adulthood, going to therapy, and then finally discovering these things? How can we address these, let people know what their attachment styles are and all that stuff earlier in life so that we can raise the next generation, can be well equipped emotionally, adults, as opposed to a lot of us now.
[00:13:49] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay, so there's some good news and not so good news, and that is you can and you can't. So listen, if you are an informed parent on relationship styles, attachment styles, love language, whatever, certainly you can have these ongoing conversations with your kids to where they know what they are growing up, and then they'll be more apt to give that information to their spouse. However. Bruce, Is that what you prefer to be called?
[00:14:22] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yes.
[00:14:24] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay. You're not the same person today than you were five years ago, and you're not going to be the same person five years from now that you are today. So some of these things are going to change and evolve. I always say we are far more than human beings. We're human evolvements because we grow. And so our love language for the most part stays consistent about 90% of the time. It can change about 10% of the time. But our attachment style can change depending on work that you do, relationships that you go through.
[00:14:57] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): So you might have a secure attachment at one point in life, and next thing you're a conflict of you're fearful, avoidant or dismissive or what have you, because you went through a rocky, rocky, 15 year, horrible marriage. So, I mean, that's the thing, too, is some things change. Again, love languages rarely change, but I talk to people who have been through trauma, betrayal, trauma. That's my specialty. Betrayal, trauma, and even their love language changed. So that's. To answer your question, yes. Getting to know yourself is crucial and critical in telling your kids.
[00:15:35] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): But as your kids experience life, they're going to evolve into different things, and they're going to have to continually build bridges to themselves and the people they're with.
[00:15:43] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow. Okay. Natural evolution, just like we are, we naturally evolved. I say it all the time on this show, that 20 year old Bruce, 30 year old Bruce, 40 year old Bruce, completely different people from each other. I don't know what's going to happen when I turn 50. I have no idea what type of person I'm going to be. I think I'm continuously evolving to a better person. That's the hope.
[00:16:06] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): But, okay, so with all these things that's going on and all these experiences in your childhood, in everybody's childhood, how do you think some individuals struggle with recognizing and embracing their own self worth?
[00:16:22] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay, so, again, there are some genetic and biological factors, certainly environmental factors. We believe the voice in our head the most, which is good.
[00:16:41] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): You say that is good, it's good.
[00:16:44] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): The not so good thing is that voice in our head is usually the voice of one of our parents when we're younger. And that's not all the time good. If you were told growing up, whatever you were told, that could become your voice. So you have to be very careful with your internal dialogue. You have to be very careful with your narrative, because when somebody says something, it'll hit 50% of the time. When you repeat that, it'll hit 100% of the time. Which is why I say, other people give us pain. We give ourselves suffering.
[00:17:23] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): So right now, Bruce, if I say something, let's just say, if I say something mean to you right now. Right? Okay, you know what? It might bother you 50%, maybe less, maybe more. About 50%. I gave you pain. But if you choose to spend the next few days, few weeks, few months, I can't believe he called me that. I can't believe he looked at me disrespectfully. But I can't believe you're playing that and playing that and playing that and playing that and playing that. Basically what you're doing is a venomous snake bit you and you're picking up that snake and you're injecting the fangs into your armor a thousand times.
[00:17:58] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And then eventually that could become, especially when we're younger with our primary attachments raising us, that becomes our narrative. And you got to challenge that stuff if it's unhealthy. Sorry, I'm going to go ahead and pause there.
[00:18:12] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): How do you challenge that? How do you challenge that? I guess as a child it would be a little difficult to try and challenge that. But maybe in your teenage years you had a little bit more self awareness. And then definitely in your adult years, how do you challenge those suffering thoughts that are running in your head? Because I know a lot of people out there listening to this have that. Everybody does. Everybody has those things where it's an offhand comment that it typically would be benign, but for some strange reason, it just sticks at you and you can't let it go.
[00:18:51] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. And I'm going to tell you something, a couple of things. Number one, we have to be very careful because I always say, whatever we look for, we will find I have a son who's twelve and he is starting to go to school dances now, and he'll say, oh, what if people look at me? And what if this, and this is what I tell him. I say, Luke, I'm going to tell you something because trust me, this is what I do. If you walk into a place and you have insecurity, inferiority, shame, guilt, embarrassment, you name it, then what happens is when people are looking at you, it's going to go through your filters. Not reality, your filters. Your filter is going to interpret that as I'm being judged, I'm being criticized, I'm being condemned. I'm going to be doing so.
[00:19:46] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): If you also walk into the room and tell yourself, if people look at me, it's because I am the bomb. And they're going to be wondering, oh, my God, who dressed you? Who are you? Why are you so savvy and cool? And so when people look at you now, you have a sense of confidence as opposed to trying to go crawl into a hole. Because why are people looking at me? They're judging me. So your attitude has everything to do with what you look for in life. Now, where do we get our attitude? Well, we have to be very careful because, again, a lot of that comes from our childhood, our experiences. One of the things I have people do as they get a little older is ask them their definition of forgiveness, which, by the way, I'll ask you, what's your definition of forgiveness?
[00:20:30] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Most of the time when people just say, I'm sorry, I tend to just let things go. I don't know exactly what it is.
[00:20:39] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): But I'm going to try not to turn all coachy here. But what does that mean, let it go?
[00:20:46] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): There's something that just releases inside of me. If somebody has agitated me or has done something to me, and they come to me and they say, bruce, what I did to you, I'm sorry about that. I almost immediately let it go. Something in my body just lets it go, washes away, and then I don't ever think about it again. If it's a betrayal, the relationship kind of changes. I have had that. I've had friends, best friends that have done certain things, and we're no longer best friends. We're still friendly towards each other, but we're no longer best friends.
[00:21:19] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And they apologized in their own way, but the relationship could never be what it was in my mind. But I don't have any ill will towards them, and I still reach out and talk to them from time to time. This relationship just isn't the same, but I'm not angry towards them in any way. So I just kind of just let things go.
[00:21:39] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, so let me ask you a question, because we are our own worst enemy. Have you made a list or have been thoughtful or mindful or cognizant of all the things that you did to harm yourself? Have you asked forgiveness for.
[00:21:55] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Ooh, have I asked forgiveness of myself to the things I've done to myself?
[00:22:02] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And listen, Bruce, listen. Even beyond that, have you forgiven yourself for believing any of the lies you were told when you were younger that weren't true?
[00:22:12] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): No. There are certain situations where I'm just like, that was stupid. I should have seen that one coming. So, yeah, no, I haven't. There are certain issues that I've dealt with in relationships where somebody has done something, and I'm like, you know, I saw this coming from around the corner, but I still walked into that corner. That's my own fault.
[00:22:33] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. I just want to say that's called betrayal blindness, which we can get into if you have an interest. But let me just say this. Like, for instance, a lot of times kids are raised, listen, we're all broken people, we're all tall children. Oftentimes our wounds are in the driver's seat of our car. But a lot of times things are said to kids, you're stupid, or, why would you do that? Or you can't do this and you can't sing and you can't act and you can't dance and whatever. And so what you have to do as an adult is now work with yourself to say, I forgive myself for believing the lies that were told to me. Not just the hurt that we caused ourself, but the lies that once were told to us that now became our internal.
[00:23:24] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Ooh. Okay, Mr. J, dropping knowledge. I hope everybody out there is listening. This isn't just about me. It's about everybody else. But I hope everybody is out there listening that there is self work. And I've done therapy, but that's also something that I guess I have a problem with, is forgiving myself for things that were done to me that I didn't acknowledge or.
[00:23:51] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay.
[00:23:52] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And that's all a part of shaping our self confidence and how we not only view ourselves, but how we perceive others viewing us, without question.
[00:24:03] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Because self forgiveness leads to self confidence. Self confidence leads to boundaries. Boundaries leads to happy and healthy relationships. So they really all go hand in hand.
[00:24:13] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Well, this is interesting. All right, so I was reading something a couple of weeks ago, and it was how to tell the difference between somebody who is on the spectrum of narcissism and somebody who actually has NPD, narcissistic personality disorder. For those people who are, let's say, on the spectrum of narcissism, because all of us are on the spectrum. For those people that have a really self absorbed way of looking at things, do they have those type of issues of forgiving themselves, or do they even see that at all?
[00:24:56] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): It depends on where in the spectrum. But usually people that have narcissistic tendencies or NPD or are a narcissist, their internal narrative is so skewed. I don't necessarily. Narcissism is one of the hardest things to heal and address you because it was really formed as a coping mechanism in your to. And I'm going to try to just use an analogy. You'd really have to be completely comfortable. It's like this to be able for a narcissist to really change themselves. It's like if I were to ask you right now, Bruce, you're going to sing at halftime at the Super bowl, but you're going to be completely nude.
[00:25:53] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Do you know how uncomfortable you'd be. Well, maybe you wouldn't. I don't know.
[00:25:57] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yeah.
[00:25:58] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay. The average person, like billions of people watching me, I can't even sing, let alone be. No, I'm not even thinking about that. That's how difficult it is for a narcissist to address their narcissism.
[00:26:13] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow. Okay. And that's really developed in their childhood and that's coping mechanisms. Is that because they were shown not enough love or too much love or combination?
[00:26:26] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. So here's the deal. A lot of it depends on the genetic makeup, the biological genetic makeup, the environmental things. But a lot of times, not always, but a lot of times, the love a primary caretaker gives someone who eventually takes on some narcissistic traits are positive input because of things you've done, not who you are. Oh, you got an A on your report card. Well, that's great. And anything less than that, you're insignificant. There's things like that.
[00:27:05] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): There's also times where you come from environments where you must lie, because if the truth is told, the consequence is so vastly absurd rather than the harm that was done. So you learn to lie, and then you start learning how to lie to yourself, and you start turning a lot of these feelings inward. Narcissism is very exhausting, even for the narcissist. And I'm going to tell you something. Whether you're a narcissist or whether you have childhood trauma, one of the things that I tell people all the time, and we hear this all the time in this society, well, that's just who I am. It's just who I am. And so many times I'm like, oh, man, if I could work with you, because I'm going to tell you something. When we're younger and we're living in certain environments, we have to wear certain safety costumes, we have to put on certain safety uniforms, whether that's to please our parents, whether that's whatever it is, we put on these outfits that keep us safe.
[00:28:20] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, what happens is, as we grow and we don't deal with those to start taking them off, they are on us for so long, they start to morph into our personality. And that's when you hear people say, well, that's just who I am. And no, it's not just who you are, it's who you've become because you failed not to heal your wounds. SO now peeling that off you is almost going to be like peeling your own skin off. It's not going to be easy.
[00:28:45] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow.
[00:28:45] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): But it's necessary.
[00:28:48] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Hey, there podcast listeners, it's Bruce Anthony here, and welcome to another episode of Unsolicited Perspectives. Today, I want to talk to you about something that's been on my mind lately, the importance of staying hydrated and taking care of ourselves. Whether it's prioritizing our health and wellness, or gearing up for festival seasons, or just gearing up for whatever season or time of year, there's one brand that's been my goto for all things hydration. Liquid IV Speaking of health and wellness, let's dive into how Liquid IV can fuel your well being. Imagine starting your day off right, feeling refreshed and energized. Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier is the missing piece in your daily routine. With just one stick, you get five essential vitamins and two times faster hydration than water alone. It's perfect for those early mornings, pre workout boosts, moments when you're just feeling rundown or even after a late night or long flights.
[00:29:43] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): I absolutely love how convenient Liquid IV is. The packaging makes it easy to bring with me wherever I go. And let me tell you, it's become vital daily part of my routine. The flavors. Let me tell you something, they're incredible. From refreshing seaburry and strawberry lemonade to classics like lemon lime and watermelon, there's a flavor for every preference. It's like a burst of hydration with a hint of deliciousness. Picture this one stick of liquid IV mixed in 16oz of water, hydrating you two times faster and more efficient than water alone.
[00:30:16] - (): Bruce Anthony :
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[00:31:07] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Get 20% off when you go to Liquidiv.com and use code unsolicited at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop. Better hydration today using promo code Unsolicited@liquidiv.com Remember, folks, taking care of ourselves should.
[00:31:26] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Always be a priority.
[00:31:27] - (): Bruce Anthony :
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[00:31:46] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Society now is a little bit different than when I was growing up in the right. When we did something went around the school, and it was pretty much gone until the next thing happened. But the way society works now, we have cameras and videos and things of that nature that capture everything, and it kind of lives on. Whatever your embarrassment is, whatever your accomplishment is, good or bad, lives on. In your opinion, how does society contribute to challenge an individual's sense of self worth?
[00:32:23] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, listen, one of the dangers, and I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times, is social media. First of all, you can't watch a show without questioning if you need a medication because every other commercial is, does your left nostril itch? Be on this. It's like, no matter. Do you have shaking leg syndrome? Do you feel down sometimes? Bruce? Who doesn't feel down? Listen, I am not anti medication. God made doctors for a reason. I mean, he doesn't want them to starve. So if you need to be on a medication, be on a medication. Do what you got to do.
[00:33:01] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): But the media and social media is so toxic for young kids now. Then you get into the inquirers and all that stuff. And if you don't look like Twiggy, and if you're not this thin, then you're insignificant and you're not beautiful because those aren't cover model material. Whatever. Then you look at Facebook and it's like, look at the vacation my family went on and look at the dinner my made. Whatever. And 90% of all social media is bull crap. I say all the time, the reality of people's lives is what happens in between the pictures that are taken.
[00:33:37] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Because I have a family of four. As a matter of fact, what's today? Tomorrow is my 21st anniversary.
[00:33:44] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay. Congratulations.
[00:33:46] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Thank you. So I've been married 21 years. I got young kids. We travel a lot. We travel international a lot. Locally. I do whatever. And of course, I'm going to post my pictures of my kids laughing at Disney.
[00:33:58] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I'm going to post the pictures of my kids giving me a hard time at the airport. And they don't want to sit up straight or stop making noise. I'm not going to post those pictures. Nobody is. So what happens is that adults, for the most part, not all of them adults, can look at that picture and say, yeah, okay, sure, I'll half buy it. When you're a teen and you got your teenage acne and peer pressure going on and you don't have the filters in your brain to make things out, and everybody you're comparing your life to everything around you, depression sets in easily. And then when you're depressed and you see a commercial, are you depressed? Next thing you know, okay, now you start cutting yourself. I mean, social media is horrible for kids.
[00:34:39] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): It just really is. Every parent says, I'm not going to let my kids use technology until a certain age. And what happens? And I'm guilty of this as well. Life gets busy and you start using technology as a babysitter. Yes. And you don't know what your kids are asking on Google. And it takes is one search on Google and next thing you know there's a pair of breasts hanging out and now you got pre exposure to your kids. And I'll tell you another thing too.
[00:35:08] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): There was a study not too long ago, and I know this is a whole nother topic we don't have to get into. The average 910 and eleven year old watches more porn in one month than our grandfathers did all of their life.
[00:35:19] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Well, yeah, because I don't think porn was my grandfather. I don't think that he had porn. But yeah, no, I was talking to.
[00:35:27] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Because you had to go to the store, go way in the back to those things that were covered up, come in and then they were just penciled things and they were adults at this time, so they had the adult mentality. When you have kids and their prefrontal cortex isn't even developed yet, and you give them a pre exposure to sex and an overexposure to sex. That's why we have a huge breakout of sexual depression among young people. Not to mention what's called pied, which is porn induced erectile dysfunction, which about 40% of all 20 year olds now have, it's staggering.
[00:36:02] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yeah. I interviewed a porn addiction coach and he gave me those raw numbers and I was like, wow. Because I hit my college years when the Internet was really exploding. Right? So the access to pornography was a lot easier in college than it was in high school. It was a two, three year difference. And then boom, there was. But I was at that point where I was in my adult life. So rather have the real thing than watching a movie.
[00:36:37] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): But these kids are exposed to it at such a young age that it has to absolutely mess them up.
[00:36:49] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): It does.
[00:36:50] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): So you brought up something that was interesting and parents and social media and technology. One of my clients has a two year old and is already proficient with an iPad. I think that's good and bad. They'll be smarter, but there is a possibility they get exposed to things that they weren't supposed to. I know this is a tangent, but what advice would you give to parents when dealing with technology and their kids? What is the right age to introduce your kids to technology? No matter what parental controls that you put on, whatever products, iPads, phones that you have in your house, kids are still kids. They have friends. They're going to be exposed to these type of things. So what would be the advice to technology and talks to sex and things of that natuRe? I know this is a tangent, but I'm curious since you brought that up.
[00:37:49] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. Number one, I always say as a parent, I'm not going to be my child's only example, so I have to be their best example. And so I don't allow any technology at the dinner table, me included. If we're having dinner and my phone rings, I don't get up and get it. I want my family to know we're present, we're important. Also, if my kids have their little technologies that have their educational games on them, and now I'm not one of those parents where everything's little Einstein. I'm not like that at all. What I'll say is if you do an hour of this, you're allowed 20 minutes on Google.
[00:38:31] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): We have a Google which you can ask it to anything because I do know that I can watch them like a hawk when they're at my house, but when they go to their friend's house, their friends are going to have phone. My kids don't have phones. Their friends are going to have phones. And I don't know if there's any parental controls on them. So I want my kids to internally say, this isn't healthy for me to watch, this isn't good, and I'm not going to. We talk a lot about peer pressure, things like that, but really being a good example of not watching too much technology and also talking to your kids about how manipulated they can be with technology. Like even movies. Like when I talked to my young daughter, you see how that Marvel character just jumped over a building? That's all camp cinematography and all this other stuff.
[00:39:25] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): People post pictures all the time. As a matter of fact, I don't know if you've seen any of these memes. This one lady is sitting there and she's got like, huge busts with cleavage, whatever. And if you pull the camera back, her knees are up. So it's her knees. This is what I mean. You would never know that because it looked authentic as all ghetto. And then here's another guy that's there, and he's looking out a plane window, and he's know, I'm on my way to Africa or having fun, whatever.
[00:39:53] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And you pull the camera back, and it's a toilet seat, but up close, it looks like a plane window. So it's like, so many people can be manipulated by social media. And Lord knows, I don't even have to talk about these dating apps. I mean, thank the Lord I'm not in the dating realm. Hopefully I never will be again. But those are manipulated. How many times do you see some princess or Prince online? Then you meet them in their Yoda. It's like, whoa, whoa, what happened to the person in the picture? So, I mean, yeah, it could be misleading and dangerous.
[00:40:28] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, so back to self confidence. Got you. What roles does self confidence play in navigating challenges and setbacks? So, for those people that are. So narcissists might not have challenges and setbacks because they think so highly of themselves, but for those people that have that suffering in their head, where they play these things that people have said to them or done to them over and over and over and over and over again, how does that self confidence come into play when they're trying to navigate just life and the challenges and the setbacks that just happen in life?
[00:41:08] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. Well, first, let me just say this, Bruce. We date on the level of our sometimes, which is why sometimes you'll be at the mall and you're like, what is she doing with him? Or whatever the case is. And self confidence plays a huge role in what we bring to the dating table, the relationship. So that's why it's very crucial to work on your self confidence. So you are, I hate to say this, getting the best bang for your buck. Okay, that's that. Now, the other thing, too, is confidence and low self esteem.
[00:41:46] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Whatever plays with the filters in your mind. And oftentimes, if you don't have a decent, and I'm not saying excellent, a decent self confidence, what you'll also do is you'll engage in self sabotaging behavior so you can have a relationship that's going well, but because internally, you don't feel as if you're good enough, you feel like you're broken, you feel like you're unworthy, you feel like you're damaged goods, you're going to do things to self sabotage that relationship. So when it ends now. Guess what? You were right. You were right. I have a self fulfilling prophecy. Relationships don't work out. See? I'm right.
[00:42:25] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, you don't have a self fulfilling prophecy. You have self sabotaging behavior. That's what it is.
[00:42:30] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And that can change. Right? Just like your love languages pretty much don't. But your attachment styles change throughout the course of your life. What happens to you? These type of things. As far as your confidence, self esteem also changes based on the interactions that you have in life.
[00:42:53] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, they're based on many, many things. I mean, if right now, God forbid, you go to the hospital and you're diagnosed with something severe, that's going to also play a role in some of your self confidence. Whatever. If all of a sudden next year, you look back and you put on 100 pounds, that's going to affect your self esteem. Whatever. If you have two or three relationships that just battered and bruised you, that's going to affect your self esteem. So, yeah, I'll tell you something. What's really rough is that life can really hand us some pretty challenging cards, and it can really jade us in a lot of ways.
[00:43:30] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And that's why oftentimes dating as we get older could be so challenging because we come into the dating relationship already so jaded from previous hurts. It's going to take extra work and extra energy to climb that dating mountain.
[00:43:45] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): So, Mr. J, you brought up something really interesting about all of these interactions going from our childhood and our love, language, attachment styles, life, self confidence, self esteem, and relationships. Now, for a lot of people that know me in my personal life, they know I have a lot of female friends. All platonic, ladies and gentlemen, all platonic. But a lot of my female friends will ask me about dating advice. And there are times where I'm looking at them and I'm saying to them, like, you know, you're a dope person. You know, you're a beautiful person. What you're telling me that your other person is doing is not like, that's not good.
[00:44:29] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Like, you see that, right? Yeah, I see it. But then they go back to that, is that a self confidence? And I know they're going to kill me. Some of you all going to kill me. I know this. Is that a self confidence thing? Is that a self esteem thing? I think a lot of them, when I talk to them, are just afraid of being alone. People out there are just lonely and don't want to be alone, can't deal with just themselves. So I'm just curious to get your take on, I know that's a loaded question. There's a lot in there.
[00:44:55] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): But your take on just how life happens and how that affects us in relationships and then the outcome of those relationships, how that affects us, whether it's a bad breakup, good breakup, what have you.
[00:45:11] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. Well, first of all, let me just say that our society, for the most part, is geared towards couples. We go out to dinner, usually couple like you buy tickets to something. Our environment, our society, is based on couples. As a matter of fact, I have a friend very quickly who lost her husband, and now she's raising her child alone. And she went to book a cruise and it said, buy an adult ticket and get your child for free. Well, she bought a ticket and she went on the cruise and they told her, oh, no, if the adults pay, the kid is free. And she said, well, I did pay.
[00:45:55] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And they said, well, yeah, but if two adults, if the parents plural, pay. And she was like, well, I don't have two, it's only me. So everything that's number one. Number two, unfortunately, society is set up to, oh, you don't have a man. What's wrong with you? Oh, you don't have a woman. What, you got nothing? Packing. There's all these judgments. And so we will tolerate so much to keep somebody in our life, to keep up a facade rather than just being happy, being single.
[00:46:31] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And certainly other things play a role, like I said, self esteem and dating, image and dating, what have you. Then there's also things in relationships where we can go down this direction if you want, where we live in a day and age where manipulators are very good, very good. And there's a lot of people that I call breadcrumbers. So they'll treat you bad. They'll treat you bad. They'll treat you bad. And once you start having a little bit of, I don't know about this, they'll throw some breadcrumbs. Come on, baby.
[00:47:03] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Love you. We're going to do this. And next year I'm going to get a big raise and I'm going to take you here. After those breadcrumbs are done, they go back to their ways. I might have actually completely forgot your question.
[00:47:17] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): It was a loaded question. It was a lot in there. But I'm curious. You brought up breadcrumbs. I'm curious. In those instances where people are being manipulators, some of them obviously know that they are. But aren't there cases where people don't know that they're manipulating.
[00:47:39] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Don'T know they're manipulating or don't know they're being manipulated.
[00:47:42] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Don't know that they are manipulating another person.
[00:47:46] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay? Yes and no.
[00:47:48] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay.
[00:47:49] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Because, listen, I think there are people out there that have such good game, they don't know they're on the game board, probably. But if they were to get real with themselves and actually put themselves in the position of the other person, they wouldn't like that feeling. I know. Now, on the other side, I think people take way too much opium. Oh, they're going to change. Oh, they don't act like that usually. Or, oh, they're going through a stressful time. How many bruises do you need till somebody has a good day? I mean, come on.
[00:48:32] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I don't know if I subscribe too much into if you don't know you're played. Because here's the deal. People that don't know they're being manipulative will change if they're told. They won't if they are playing the manipulation game, okay?
[00:48:54] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Because in my youth, maybe I was a manipulator, but I remember this exact instance where somebody called me out on my behavior and I did change, but I actually cared about them. Any other time after that. That's what it basically comes down to. If I care about them, then, yes, I tend not to manipulate anymore because I'm older. I'm talking about years ago. Years ago, ladies and gentlemen. Years ago. Like 20 years ago.
[00:49:23] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): That's who I was. I'm not that anymore. So that's the reason why I was asking a question, because there were some times where I didn't know. I would just set in my certain ways so they would want to go out. I don't feel like going out. I want to sit in here and play video games. Let's order some food and hang out. I didn't know in my heart of hearts that I was manipulating the situation to have them conform to what I want to do.
[00:49:49] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): I was just thinking, like, well, this is cool, right? Every time we do this, we have fun. Why do we need to go out? So that's the reason why I brought that up.
[00:49:57] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Why would you say that's manipulation as opposed to immaturity?
[00:50:01] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, yeah, I'll take that one. Immaturity is easier to deal with than manipulation. Manipulation is kind of evil. Immaturity.
[00:50:11] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Manipulation is, oh, you want to go out? I have a stomachache or I ran out of gas and I don't have money to go anywhere. That's manipulation. But I'd rather just stay home. Yeah, that's not looking at the other person's best interest, but I don't know if that's manipulation.
[00:50:26] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yeah, I was selfish. Okay, so self worth and separation and divorce. A recent friend that I've known for years came in to visit and had two other friends with them. When they came in to visit, all three of these people either just finished their divorce or in the process of finishing their divorce. The person that finished their divorce, they are in a really good place. Every now and then when they would talk about the breakup, there was a little bit of anger, a little bit of hurt, but I know they are in a really good place. The other two, the entire conversation was around the divorce, and there was so much anger. What is something that people can do as far as their self worth, their self esteem after a separation or divorce or a bad breakup? Because I see a lot of people out there that break up and they fall into these holes, and then they don't want to be alone, so they go out and date.
[00:51:34] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And then I see the people that they're dating. I'm like. I mean, I don't think I'm better than anybody. But, you know, you're like an eight or nine and you're dating a two, right? Is their personality a ten? Because. Okay, but if their personality isn't a ten, then you can do a little bit better here. You're in a bad place. Maybe you should take some time. So what is your advice to people out there that end a relationship and not feeling too good about themselves? Themselves.
[00:52:03] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Not about the relationship, but themselves.
[00:52:07] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay. Number one, I always say prevention is much better than future you. I'll explain that in a when, and I don't want to sound like that. Tom Cruise, Cuba gooding. I think it was movie of you had me at no, yeah, no, sorry. I'm thinking of show me the money. Sorry, wrong movie.
[00:52:31] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Bottom line, that's same.
[00:52:32] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Oh, it is. Okay. There you go. Okay. All right. Bottom line, you cannot get into a relationship with looking for somebody to complete you. You have to get into a relationship after you are completely full and content, and then you're looking for somebody to compliment you. That's number one.
[00:52:50] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay.
[00:52:51] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Because what happens is that we all have baggage. We all have baggage. And what we do is we look for people we think is going to go through our garbage with us and help heal us. What we don't realize is they don't have the capacity to do that. And by the way, they're expecting you to go through their garbage and heal them. And so what happens is two broken people come together, break each other down even more so, then morph your personality into the other person because you're expecting them to be your hero. You're expecting them to save you in life. You're expecting them to give you back faith in humanity.
[00:53:31] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Everybody over here hurt me, and my parents hurt me, and this hurt me. You're going to renew my faith in humanity. And then when they break you, you walk away broken because you weren't full to begin with. You weren't complete to begin with. So you got to be complete before you get into a relationship so you don't lose yourself in the process of relationship. So you don't even know who you are when you get out of a relationship.
[00:53:54] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay, so let me ask you this, because I've always believed not complete. I used to believe in complete, but I always felt like a relationship, you can actually better each other. Like, you can compliment each other. I'm not the type of person that really likes to go out too much, but I tend to date people who do like to go out. And when I go out with them, I'm like, oh, going out isn't so bad. So they take me out of my comfort zone, and I as well take them out of their comfort zone and introduce. So is that the same thing as completing or is that just complementing and enhancing?
[00:54:36] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): No, that's absolutely complementing. Here's the deal. One of the things talking about self esteem and all this other stuff, one of the things that I will have people do on their own time is go have a conversation with yourself in the mirror. And if you can maintain eye contact, that's a good indication. If all of a sudden you're looking around and you're looking up and down, and then next thing you know, you're going to do something because you're trying to numb, distract, avoid. That tells me you don't have a good. Not all the time. I don't want to paint a broad brush, but that's an indicator that, you know what? There's some discomfort with your internal soul, and we need to do some emotional surgery so we can get more confident.
[00:55:24] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): And so what we don't want is to feel good about ourselves when we're around someone. We can love what they bring out in us, but if we are shattered and we don't like who we are when they're not with us, we've given them too much power.
[00:55:45] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Okay. How can people recognize, because I see it so often with my friends and I'm not throwing you guys under the bus. I'm not naming names, but how can people recognize when they are lonely and they're just searching for somebody to fill that void as opposed to they're actually ready to start dating.
[00:56:07] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah. Again, prevention is better than future intervention, meaning this, when you date someone and listen, some people are looking for Mr. Right. Other people are looking for. Now, you know, whatever, I get it. But if you're looking for someone that you want to have a long term situation with, then you need to make sure that you do a values assessment. So you know your values, you also know your goals, you know your boundaries, you know your non negotiables, and somebody's willing to work with you on all of those and help you grow and vice versa. Because, listen, looks are going to change.
[00:56:59] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I don't know what rating your show has, so I'll be g, but boobs don't stay up all the time and erections aren't at 90% as we get older, so things are going to flop and fall. And what we rely on are those virtues, those goals that could even be spiritual. If there's two people that come together that have a very strong faith, wonderful. You have something to come back to during an argument. What's my value? You know, what is to have a strong relationship spiritually? Well, I do too. Well, because of that, I'm going to go apologize first. I'm going to go blah, blah, blah. Having core values, having goals in life and constantly working towards them is.
[00:57:48] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Bruce, I am so sorry. Go back to your question because I swear my ADHD is kicking in now.
[00:57:54] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Mine, too. When I go back and edit this interview, I'm going to be like, well, we were all over the place. How can people recognize when.
[00:58:05] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Yeah, one of the things I just want to say, too, is when you get out of a relationship, you have to do a self assessment. Okay, why did I get into the relationship? Why did I stay as long as I did in the relationship? Why did I ignore certain red flags of the relationship? Do I want to work on forgiving them for any negativity they gave me? Do I want to work on myself for forgiving the boundaries that I let cross? Whatever. And once you do an assessment, then you can really say, okay, I'm coming out of this learning something. Because I always say if you go through something and you don't learn from it, you pay a fee. If you go through something and you learn from it, you pay tuition. So you can get out of a relationship as long as you pay tuition. Hey, not all is lost, right? You take that into the next relationship, but you have to continuously do a self assessment. Same thing with boundaries.
[00:59:00] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I often say, because people are like, how do you make boundaries? How you make boundaries is you do a values assessment. What's important to you? What is important to you, like, for instance, what's something that's important to me is people being on time. So that's a boundary of mine. That's a boundary of mine. I like people to be on time, so that's a boundary of mine because it's important to me. If I'm going to meet somebody at lunch at 230, please don't come at 250 and say, oh, my shirt was in the dryer. I mean, come on. And if you're going to do that, call me and give me a heads up.
[00:59:33] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I mean, I'm not a stickler for.
[00:59:36] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Those that are watching the video feed when I roll my eyes is because we got started on this interview late and it was because of me. So I was like, yeah, okay. That's your main thing. We got started late, but go ahead and finish.
[00:59:49] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): No, well, actually, no, I'll blame it on the platform. It wasn't you.
[00:59:53] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yeah, it was technical difficulty.
[00:59:55] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay. So knowing your boundaries. So when you get into a relationship, you're already not setting yourself up for failure to prevent some type of breakup down the road, although it's going to happen. But I'll tell you something. This is why I tell people all the time. I don't necessarily subscribe to, we just grew apart. I don't subscribe to that because here's the deal. No duh.
[01:00:20] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Everybody's evolving. Everybody's different. Every couple of years, every couple of months, every couple of decade, you just fail to put in the work, to continually build bridges to your spouse. That's why. So listen, let me be very clear with you. I'm a wedding officiant. I marry all kinds of young people. Well, and old people, too.
[01:00:38] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Whatever. You're going to grow apart. That's no big secret. You're going to grow apart. Your job, one of them, now that you're married, is to continuously communicate and build bridges to each other so you don't grow apart because life's going to take you apart.
[01:00:55] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Yeah.
[01:00:56] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): So prevention.
[01:01:00] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): I don't think there's any way to do a better dismount to this entire episode than that because that was absolutely perfect. Mr. J, was there anything that you wanted to add to everything that you said today? Just to the people out there, before we end this interview, I don't know if it's check in with yourself, because we've been saying all of that today. Like, check in with yourself. Ask yourself important questions. You just taught me something. Have a conversation, sit in the mirror, look at yourself and have a conversation and ask yourself questions and pay attention to, are you focused? Are you making eye contact? Or are you looking all around? That was really good. Do you have anything else to add to the people out there to let them know how they can improve themselves?
[01:01:51] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Okay, if you want to improve yourselves, one of the things that I recommend all of my clients do. Now, again, I specialize in betrayal, trauma, but I would suggest this to anyone. Sit down and write a letter to your younger self. I don't care if you are a zillionaire's child that had the best childhood. You still might have been bullied on the playground. You still might have been called some type of name, what have you. So what I want you to do is go back to a time when you were younger, and it could be an age, let's just say seven and a half could be an age, or it could be a window, say, from twelve to 16, where you had a pretty difficult time, or a moment or an incident or a situation that really you think about now because it bothered you. And I want you from the person you are today.
[01:02:35] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Write a letter to that younger child and basically, Bruce, I'll use you for an know. Hey, baby. Bruce, just want to let you know I see you. I got you. I understand all the times you ran in the bedroom and covered your ears with a pillow because your parents were arguing and you felt that you were unsafe. I want to tell you I didn't have a voice for you then. I didn't have a voice for you. I didn't have the resilience.
[01:03:01] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I didn't have the support. And I know what you're going through because I was you. But I'm going to tell you what, I got your back now. I didn't have a voice then, but I got a voice now. And I'll never let you feel that way again. You and I are going to do this thing called life, and we're going to rock healing. So write yourself a younger letter, your younger self, a letter, and talk about how you are going to take that young inner child and you are going to protect it. You're going to make it safe.
[01:03:31] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Now, sometimes I tell people, hey, get a picture of yourself when you're younger. Put it in your car, put it in your bathroom mirror, whatever. Every time you see it, give your younger self a high five and say, I got you, bud. Inject some good affirmations into that child. And the last thing I just want to say is, be very careful not to expect you from others. And I say this because. And I'll just give you, for instance, when I spend the night at somebody's house, I don't care if it's a family member, a friend, a neighbor, what have you. Sometimes I'll leave like five or $10 in a little secret place in the room.
[01:04:03] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I never tell anybody I'll do that. But I know that. I know that. I know that one day, whether it's the following day or 25 years down the road, they're going to find that and it's going to bring a smile to their face. And that makes me smile. Now, do I expect people to do that to me? Absolutely not. But I just do it because that's me. So you got to be very careful not expecting you from others.
[01:04:24] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): How many times, Bruce, do we hear ourselves say, well, common sense says, no, that's common to you. It's not common to them. So, yeah, we got to be very careful shitting on other people. Nobody should do anything. We should just not expect others and what we expect of ourselves.
[01:04:41] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Wow.
[01:04:41] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I'll end there. But I got a.
[01:04:43] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): That was. That was perfeCt. Mr. J, I want to thank you once again for coming on the show. I think that my audience will have learned a lot because I learned a tremendous amount. I'm going to write a letter to my younger self. Oh, my God. I don't know what I'm going to say to my younger self.
[01:05:00] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): I'm going to be like, hey, I don't know, something like that.
[01:05:04] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): Well, that's not your younger self. That's your older self. You aren't your younger self.
[01:05:07] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): No, younger self. Still had dreams and goals. Always been a goal oriented person. So it was dreams and goals and just said, hey, man, you made it. But once again, I want to thank you for coming on and Happy Veterans Day.
[01:05:22] - (): Mr. Jay :
**** - (): I appreciate that. Thank you.
[01:05:26] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on unsolicited perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment and share our podcast. Wherever you're listening or watching it, to it, pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will enjoy it also. So share the wealth, share the knowledge, share the noise. And for all those people that say, well, I don't have a YouTube if you have a Gmail account, you have a YouTube. Subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can actually watch our video podcast.
[01:05:58] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): But the real party is on our Patreon page after hours uncensored and talk it straight ish after hours uncensored is another show with my sister. And once again, the key word there is uncensored. Those are exclusively on our Patreon page. Jump onto our website at Unsolicited Perspectives.com for all things us. That's where you can get all of.
[01:06:17] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Our audio, video, our blogs, and even buy our merch.
[01:06:21] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And if you really feel ingenuous and want to help us out, you can donate on our donations page. Donations go strictly to improving our software and hardware so we can keep giving you guys good content that you can clearly listen to and that you can clearly see. So any donation would be appreciative. Most importantly, I want to say thank you. Thank you.
[01:06:42] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): Thank you for listening and watching and supporting us.
[01:06:46] - (): Bruce Anthony :
**** - (): And I'll catch you next time. Audi 5000 peace.