Perspectives Unveiled: Insights on Relationships, Growth, and Confronting Biases

00:03.28
Bruce Anthony
On today's episode it's a continuation of the fiftieth episode where I answer more of your questions so that you can learn more about me before stakes first.

00:20.89
Bruce Anthony
So this is a continuation from the fiftieth episode where my sister interviewed me where it was well received and you guys really liked the fact that I was vulnerable and opened up. It told you about. Personal aspects of my life and there was a lot of questions that were left on the cutting room board. So take it back to old school where there was ah a side a and b of ah of ah, a record or tape you got the a side and the b side that was the a side that was ah where where my sister interviewed me. Ah, this will be the be side of those questions that didn't make the cutter room floor. But some people said afterwards hey I would've really like to have gotten an answer to my question and I said you know what? I'll do another so well I answer some once again, some of those questions because some questions got.

01:16.35
Bruce Anthony
A little too personal and asked and it's not It's not me being you know, closed off not want to answer personal questions. It's like some of these questions were like too personal stuff that I just quite frankly, didn't didn't care to share. So I don't know I'm going go through maybe about 8 or 9 of these questions and. And give my ah give my honest answers some of them legitimately were wanting my advice on certain things and I was like you want advice for me. Okay, well you know I guess people like my point of view of or my unsolicited perspective on certain things. So um, yeah, they went to get. A little bit of my advice on certain questions. So um I haven't really I mean I know what the questions are but I haven't really thought about it. Um I'm just going to answer them and whatever comes out my mom comes out of my mouth. That's that's just how we're gonna roll with it I tend to be. Brutally honest with the first things that I say and more measured when I have time to think about it and I'm just going to be brutally honest to you folks out here because that's what y'all deserve because y'all have been such great listeners and watchers of the podcast and this is my way of saying. Thank you Ah, so if you're watching the podcast on Youtube you'll see me look down a little bit because I have all the questions on my phone and okay so that's what we're goingnna be doing for this episode so you guys wanted to know more about me and I'm going to give you the b side of ah that.

02:48.40
Bruce Anthony
Personal interview where I'm just going to answer your questions I'm not going to have my sister interview me all right? So the very first question. How did your early relationships shape your personality and your outlook on relationships today. Um I think I answered a little bit about this. Ah, in the earlier um interview with my sister but it maybe didn't band upon it. So like I said my family moved around a lot and I went to there was never any time I'm looking at renewing. Ah, the lease of where I live now and I've officially lived here longer than I've lived in any 1 spot my entire life meaning that there's there's growing up. There has never been a time where I lived in 1 spot more than 5 years This is the absolute longest I've lived. Anywhere in my entire life and I'm about to turn 43 so that was not like I wasn't exaggerating when I said we moved around a lot and that it was almost like we were in an army. You know you hear about those stories about those army kids that are moving all around a place and and we were kind of like that. Um, how did those early relationships shape my personality let's start with that question first. Um I think that having to adapt to new areas and new people so constantly. Um.

04:25.00
Bruce Anthony
Developed I don't know if I developed it or if this is just something natural because both of my parents both have it. You know I have this quick wit. Um, you know my sister's hilarious. My brother's hilarious. You know I'm fairly funny. So my personality has always been kind of a jokester. Um, anybody that knows me personally knows that I like to have fun and clo around and that if I don't make a joke on you then I don't really like you. Um, what that means is is like I love people joking on me and I love joking back with them. It's all in good fun. So my personality has always been hey. Let's have fun. Let's kick it. Ah, let's have a good laugh right? like that's that's my main thing how it shaped my outlook on relationships. Um huh. Well. Through therapy I've learned that I am distant you know, almost every woman I've ever dated said I'm distant I think there's only one woman that I dated and it was for a short period of time that she would say that I opened up and expressed myself my boys that have known me forever say that I'm secretive and and I don't talk about stuff. You guys saw it on the very first episode where my sister gave my actual birth date. Ah and I was like yeah you give them out that information. Um I'm very private. Some people would say well we know things about you but they don't right? like they know surface level stuff but they don't really know.

05:59.92
Bruce Anthony
Deep down stuff and I think I developed that brick wall or that barrier just because you could never really get close to people because you were always kind of moving on. Um, so you you learn kind of early that your friendships aren't going to last for that long. Because you're gonna be moving on to the next city and this was all before technology made it so that the world got smaller back when I was growing up if you moved an hour away that was it hell if sometimes you moved a half hour away that was it you pretty much weren't seeing your friends again. So. Yeah, when you moved from Illinois to Virginia and then from Richmond and Lynchburg and then from Lynchburg to you know Dc um, those are hours you know Richmond and Lynchburg is a 2 hour drive any friends that I made in Richmond. We're not gonna be my friends anymore when you're 109 11 years old the same thing with I had if I had a best friend in in Lynchburg and we were like brothers and the day that I moved the the last day the day before I moved from Lynchburgh to the Dc me and him were driving around and I know this guy says I was eight years old around that time and we were 16 at the time so we're driving around and he just he just yelled out man. This sucks I'm losing my best friend and before that point we never really said you know this is my best friend but everybody kind of knew like it was me and him him and me like all the time but we had never said it to each other guys kind of.

07:34.85
Bruce Anthony
Kind of don't do those things. You're just friends and he was like I'm I'm losing my best friend and I was like yeah I'm losing my best friend too and you know through phone calls and then Aol instant messenger had kind of started there. We maintained contact and and I would come down. Ah, to Lynchburg to visit. He never would come up to Dc to visit that became part of a problem and then um, he went to jmu and I went to Maryland and I visited him a couple of times jmu maybe once maybe once once we got to college there was a drift. But then he moved to the Dc area after um, after college and went to grad school in the area and we hung out for a little bit but by that time you know we were 22 23 years old things were a lot different than we were 16 and we kind of fell apart the last time I saw him in person.

08:27.41
Bruce Anthony
It was right after I got engaged and me and my 2 other closest friends were out at a bar kind of celebrating my engagement and I looked across the bar and they had met him before um I looked across the bar and I was like yo I think that's my boy from that I grew up with. And they were like yeah and it looks on him I was like that is him I'm go over there and say what's up so I walked over there bought him around the drinks said what's up to him and everything like that we we chopped it up a little bit told him that I was getting engaged. He congratulated me. Um I said hey man you know before you ah leave out of here. Let me ah you know let's let's get contact information. Let's let's get up because once again, this is man I'm known since I was a little kid at this point I'm Twenty nine 30 years old. Um, and there was a little bit of a falling out in between those years of 23 to 29, but.

09:24.90
Bruce Anthony
Like at the end of the night I'm closing out the tab with my 2 main boys and I look across the bar and I was like yo I think that dude left without saying goodbye and they were like he did and I was like damn that's a little that's a little jacked up that he did that and there was like yeah you know I mean. I wouldn't done nothing and like that and I was like it don't really matter y'all my boy is more than he is so I mean relationships say just kind of end. You know all relationships end and sometimes sometimes it sucks. But I've gotten to this point now in my in my later years in life where I don't really trip off of relationships ending I've had business relationships end I've had close friends that I had to fire. Um, you know, countless breaks breakups the divorce you know. Ah, relationships end even loved ones that that pass away that relationship when somebody passes away that relationship doesn't really truly end. It just reaches a different level. Ah that person's always with you. But. Ah, my outlook on relationships today is I get into it back and forth from my sister all the time I I know this scenes kind of weird but I'm not I don't have relationships with people that are fake.

10:52.00
Bruce Anthony
Right? Like there is a purpose for the relationship um not not saying that you know people are using each other but there's a purpose for the relationship. So you know I don't I don't really do a lot of small talk I don't really do I don't have pointless relationships I'm not going to. Just be your friend and go through the motions either I'm your friend and I'm your people or I'm not and that's kind of my outlook on relationships I don't know if that's good or bad. That's just kind of who I am so I hope that answered the question. Ah, but basically I just I guess I don't get too attached to anything because growing up. It was not good to get to attach to anything I have had you know strong attachments I've been friends with my 2 boys for over twenty five years now they're they're like my brothers. So I love the death and my bestie me and my bestie have been. You know, super close for like well over 10 years. So um, and I have other friends from college that I'm still really really cool with um so I definitely have long-term relationships. Um, but there's there's a reason why they've been my long-term relationships. They just did just rock solid. And I know that I can I can count on that. So I hope that answers the question. Um, so on to question number 2 that was a long answer to the first question. Damn I might I get to all these ah all these questions on this episode.

12:18.89
Bruce Anthony
What led you to prefer to being alone I don't I don't even know what that means but ok, ah, do you like being alone or do you find solace or fulfillment in solitude that was a weird way to ask that question. Um I don't know that I like. Being ah I don't even know I don't even know what the ok I kind of know what this person is asking me. They kind of know me a little bit and um, the people that that know me know that you know I like my Sunday fun day. Sunday fun is basically just me being alone and kind of reering myself and then I'll choose solitude a lot over going out and doing things with people and there's a clear reason why that this happens it's because my actual job. Ah what I make my bread and butter on. Um, you know personal trainer run the day to day operations of a fitness company managing people. So I am either training people or managing people all day long part of the aspect of training people is to constantly motivate. So you gotta constantly be up any good trainer is going to be up because they have to have a positive attitude because most people don't like working out so who's gonna want to come and work out with you if you don't have a positive attitude so part of that is just constantly being up constantly being motivating constantly being positive and that wears on you.

13:52.82
Bruce Anthony
Ah, emotionally and mentally because there are days where you don't feel like being up like everybody. There are people that have good and bad days. Some people can have a bad day and they go into an office and you know they don't really need to deal with people maybe a little bit but they don't have to sit there and motivate people. In order to motivate people on a consistent basis every day when somebody is doing something that they don't want to do that They're doing it. But it's hard work. It's It's a little bit different than coaching a sport because those people love what they do not a lot of people love working out. They are working out. Because of something where they got health history problems or they want to look better or they just want to feel better but not a lot of people actually love the activity of working out. How can I make that easier for them I need to be up and I'm genuinely. A super positive person for other people. Anyway I would say in my personal life I'm more of a realist. But when I'm dealing with other people I'm typically typically an optimist I'm almost never a pessimist I don't ever really look at the bad. The bad side of things as always. You know you can get through this. Let me show you the good side I don't think you're seeing this bright side that's kind of who I am so when you do that all the time you kind of need you kind of need time to to recharge and the last thing that you want when you're dealing with people all of the time.

15:25.40
Bruce Anthony
Ah, and a lot of people don't have this in their job. but I'm dealing with people all of the time I don't regret it I love what I do but I'm dealing with people all of the time and I'm motivating and if I'm not motivating then I'm actually managing or knocking out. Problems or or fires putting out fires that arise that sometimes you just get burnt out and you just want to chill and the last thing you want to do is try to go out and be engaging again because once again part of my personality is to be up so when people hang out with me. They're like. Bruce is a lot of fun and I am you know I am a lot of fun but also sometimes I just don't want to be fun sometimes I just want to sit back and chill and and a lot of people don't understand that you just want to sit back and chill. So it's just easier and also way cheaper. Stay home. You walk outside in Dc you just walk outside. You automatically spend $100 so it's just way cheaper and ah yeah, that's really all it is. It's not like it's not like I choose to be by myself over other people or else I wouldn't do what I do I love people I love interacting with people I love talking to people. Or else I wouldn't be doing the show I wouldn't be doing the interviews I love learning about people I love people. Ah but also at the same time got to reiner yourself because if not, you're gonna go stir crazy. Ah, okay, next question this is this is personal.

16:56.12
Bruce Anthony
What qualities do you look for in a woman when you consider and and a partner and or I'm going to add the part relationships um people close to me will say I have a certain aesthetic look that I look for in a woman as far as you know what she looks like height weight. You know, hair color eye color facial features and all that type of stuff I will say that there is a little bit of truth to that there is a certain look that I am absolutely attracted to um, but what I truly truly aside the physical characteristics. What I truly truly look for in a woman is one I but I tend to want them to be smarter than I am I tend to want all my friends and all the people that I interact with to be smarter than I am because I feel like if if there are people that are smarter than I am or more intelligent than I am there's a difference. So let me say more intelligent. I tend to want the the people that I'm around to be more intelligent than me so that I can learn I feel like that's the best way that you can grow um, is by having people around you that can that you can learn something from and even if they're more intelligent than me I could still teach them something just by my outlook on life. So. Um, when I it goes back to the relationships like that's what I kind of mean that the like I kind of I kind of want relationships that I have there to be growth and no so being stagnant. Um I don't want that baseline I want I want growth. Um, so that's the number 1 thing.

18:30.57
Bruce Anthony
Like kind of want the the woman to be more intelligent than I am Kindness Kindness is the most important thing I cannot tell you how many times I've taken a girl out and she's just been rude to the waitstaff. That's an automatic red flag to me because if you can't treat people with respect that are quote unquote serving you so in this hierarchy of. Of going out. You have people that I'm not saying that they are but in this hierarchy are beneath you because they're serving you if you can't treat them with respect that lets me know that in your day to day life. You just don't treat people with respect. Um their relationship with their family.

19:11.10
Bruce Anthony
My family would say that I don't spend enough time with them and they're absolutely right with that. But what they will also say that is is that family is very very important to me. Ah so how they treat their family is very very important I'm not always there for my people and I'm not so talking about my family. My blood family I'm talking about my family those people that's close to me I'm not always there. You know for them every day but when shit hits the fan. That's my one s word for the episode when shit hits the fan I well I just said it twice I'm there for them I am. Right? by their side ready to walk them through whatever fire that they got to walk through. We gonna do it together. So I kind of want my partner to kind of be like that as well to have that that sense of loyalty to those that they love. Um, you know of course I wanted to be. You know, attractive, you know who doesn't want that? No yeah, you know. Have a little bit of booty sorry Mama that is true. Um, but those are those are like the and and and purpose what I mean by purpose is like I don't really care what you do for a living or how much money you make. But why are you doing it. And if you're you're just doing it to sustain life I get it. What do you do outside of that that gives gives you purpose I feel like it's so important for somebody to have a purpose and I and hadn't it didn't have to be this grandiose type thing but just something that you do that that gives.

20:42.88
Bruce Anthony
You purpose and you meaning it could be something as simple as 1 person that I use a date used to do. It wasn't meal on wills but she used to do shopping for people that couldn't get around for themselves and. You know she would go Saturday all day the grocery shop and then drop off the groceries. It wasn't all day but it was a big chunk of the day and I would go with her and I could see the fulfillment that that she got from doing that that gave her purpose. Ah so purpose. That's it your life can't be your job. Even if you love your job your life can't be your job. You got to have something else. Ah that gives you meaning and purpose and drive if. Your only reason for getting up in the morning is to go to work that's going to be a ah sad existence. Even if you love your job even if you. Absolutely of doing your dream job. That's goingnna be a sad existence and then that's gonna bleed off to your partner. Ah because if you're not happy that if that per partner cares about you. They're not going to be happy which means our whole relationship is not gonna be a good one. So yeah. Um, definitely. That's what I look for and and a partner. Um, okay I guess I'm going to jump around to to 1 of the questions. Um.

22:10.15
Bruce Anthony
Okay, because this is like a redundant question but in terms of relations of what are the qualities of characteristics that you value most in a woman I think I just answered that um another thing that I will say is her knowing her love language because I know mine. Mine are ah words of affirmation and physical touch. Those are those are my 2 things if a woman if I'm really interested in a woman like if I'm really digger if she's intelligent. She's got purpose. And she and I tell her like here here here are my love languages. These are the 2 main is physical touch and it doesn't that doesn't have to be sexual right? I mean yes, but not solely sexual. It could be something as simple as her. And I sitting on the couch and she just rubbing my ball head because she just wants to touch me or and I hate doing this or we walking down the street and her grabbing my hand the whole hands like I don't want to hold hands but I want to hold hands right? like I don't want to do it but I want to do it so that's what I mean by by physical touch. Um, and then words to affirmation like I I know that's weird like most people are like I don't need no words from affirmation. But you never realize you need it until you do ah because I have such problems with relationships and connecting with people I need the other person to tell me.

23:45.20
Bruce Anthony
We're good. You know, um, you know I ride for you like I I need to hear that. Um, and yes it comes from childhood trauma as my sister would always say but these those are the type of things that I that kind of need conversely I Want you should know what your low languages are. So that I can learn how to give you ah the attention that you actually want not the attention that I think that you want but the attention that you actually want so many people don't understand what their partners actually want. Sometimes the partners don't understand what they want you got to go through all of that stuff and and realize what it is one of the girls I dated was like I don't like flowers until I started giving her flowers and then she was like I kind of like getting flowers I never thought I would okay. That's a new thing that's gift giving you like gifts and this particular gift makes you feel Good. So I used to have flesh fresh, not flesh, not flesh flowers, fresh flowers every time she came to my place in a vase and she liked that on on special Occasions. You know I got a roses that's just is what it that's once I realize that this type of thing that she enjoyed that type of thing then I did it some women out there just want a guy to take initiative plan something youin' got to plan everything but plan something right.

25:12.15
Bruce Anthony
Say hey, don't worry about it I want to get together this weekend yin' got to worry about anything. This is what you need to wear but we're gonna go out and it's gonna be a surprise or maybe it's not surprise. Maybe you tell her. But the fact that you plan something that you plan something that was for her is a big deal. So I guess that's just my little two cent on relationships. Ah, what I particularly look forward to since everybody want to be in my business and ask those type of questions. Um, but yeah, that's that's kind of what I'm looking for I am not going to answer the question of what led to the to my divorce because that's. Me telling somebody else's story and I don't feel like that's right for me to tell somebody else's story. So I'm not going to do that but I will give advice on marriage in the next segment.

26:07.70
Bruce Anthony
So in in continuation of the previous question. No I'm not gonna get the reasons for my divorce but the the second part of that question was do you have any advice on marriage and I get this a lot from people. Ah.

26:24.63
Bruce Anthony
That that want to know I remember talking to a friend after that knew my ex-wife that knew me and my ex-wife knew us when we were dating when we got engaged and we had moved away and I came back to the building that I used to live in and I was talking to her. She had recently gotten Married. We got married around the same time and she was like Well How's how's your wife doing Nas I Oh Actually we're gonna get a divorce. We're not together anymore she started asking me all these questions like how did you know that you needed to get a divorce and. You know what happened I wasn't gonna talk about what happened, But how did you know you needed to get divorced. What made you come to that decision Blah Blah Blah Bla Blah Bla Blah a couple of months later I run into her and she is getting a divorce and I was like yo was it the the conversation that we had that made you get into that made you choose to get a divorce. Um, I never truly truly asked that but I assume that that's what it was and I know a lot of people who are divorced and I know some people that's been married for a long time I will say and it's funny because I was talking to. 1 of my ex-girlfriends recently about this and and we're cool. It wasn't Ob beef. We're Cool. We're just friends and we were talking about communication is so key we never actually had a problem communicating. Um Well we did and didn't but.

27:54.40
Bruce Anthony
So often people don't communicate right? like once you get married all that pride and all that stuff that goes out the window you need to tell your partner hey look what your expectations are the relationship because those expectations will change over time because people change over time. If y'all met in your 20 s and y'all are now currently in your 40 S Y'll are completely different people because we evolve and we grow so the person that you met when you were 20 is not gonna be the person that you're with in your forty. S y'all need to grow together. Your interests are going to change right. Your tastes are going to change if somebody starts showing an interest in something new. It's not this that shouldn't be an issue. You shouldn't take it as a personal offense where you're not the person that you used to be of course not who wants to be stuck being the same person they were five years ten years Fifteen twenty years ago so communication is key constantly revisiting your relationship, not revisiting an aspect of trying to find out if it works or not. That's not what I mean but just touching base and continuously learning each other as you get in root get in relationships. And kids get involved you start to just becoming a routine and you guys stop checking in on each other Ah you guys stop checking in on each other like on a for real level and and talking to each other on a for real level and just expressing how hey.

29:22.84
Bruce Anthony
Not nitpicking and fussing at the other person just like look I expect a little bit more from you or I expect a little bit less from you. This is what I expect in the relationship I can do that I didn't know. That's what you like communication is so vital and being honest. Sometimes brutally honest so vital y'all been together ten years five years ten years there's no reason why you can't tell each other the truth and that you'll have to sugarcoat things. You don't have to sugarcoat things because y' all are in the trenches together so you might as well keep it a buck. Keep it honest and just be vulnerable. Because if you can't be vulnerable to your spouse your longterm partner who the hell are you supposed to be vulnerable with got to had these conversations sometimes these conversations are really really hard. Sometimes you you know you had to tell some embarrassing stuff. Um, you know I remember talking to to Joshua Shay ah the poorn ah attic expert and he talked about you know porn being a problem in relationships and I would imagine that it's a problem in a lot of relationships that that men run to that and they can screw up their their sex with their spouse and things like that nature and in and their spouse speak. Feels like they aren't being desired anymore and and and he told me like sometimes guys just don't tell their spouse. Yeah I watch porn and I watch it and maybe a little too much. Ah and it causes major friction in their relationships I mean.

30:53.85
Bruce Anthony
Yeah, it's embarrassing if you are addicted to porn. It's embarrassing if you're addicted to anything but if this person is this person that you chose to to say those vows with in front of maybe a wedding in front of people that you love in most times most cases in front of people that you love. And profess's love and to to to be committed to this one person. Do you need to be committed to that person and that commitment means being honest, brutally honest, truthful checking in going out on dates with each other. Yeah y'all got the kids. Maybe you don't have a little extra money. Dates don't had to be expensives. Expensive dates could be a picnic at the park. It don't matter it just needs to be you guys focusing on each other with no outside distractions because people change and I often see people get divorces because they look up. They didn't communicate with each other. Look up 10 years down the road and they're like I don't know this person and you don't know that person because either you didn't take the time to try to get that know that person or that person didn't open up enough to tell you hey look things are I'm changing a little bit. Maybe you maybe you fall out of love with that person. Ah, that you fell in love with that was ten years ago that was a 27 year old. Maybe you fall in love with that new person because you see that person's just grown I would be curious to to know what my girlfriends and my ex-wife that because she met I met my ex-wife when I was 26 years old

32:29.74
Bruce Anthony
I would be curious know with the girlfriends in my twenty s think about me as a person now if they got to know me sat down to have a conversation with me because ah because I do know a few of my college home girls that have known me since then and they're like you're completely different person. And they've learned that through this podcast they're like you're a completely different person than what you were and I was like yeah that was twenty years ago like I should have grown I should have evolved so that's what I would say is the key. You know it's a cliche but that's the key in any relationship is communication. Brutal. Honesty just keeping in the buck and being real with each other and divorce should never be an easy thing as you come to should be the last resort I see too many people getting divorced and they didn't even go to counseling like if you haven't gotten an outside party an impartial outside party. That you'll both will listen to and that you'll have actually tried through counseling to work on it and you just decided to get a divorce then you was never really in it to be in it in the beginning you gave up 1 or too easily so that would be my advice for people in marriage is that it ain't easy. It's hard work. Yeah, signed up for it. There are some times where you just don't need to be together anymore and and and every relationship has its ah is dawn and it's dusk but you put in the work because maybe it's not the dusk of the relationship.

34:00.29
Bruce Anthony
Maybe it's just a new dawn all right next question you frequently address topics related to the lgb t q community could you share why these issues are important to you and why you feel compared to discuss them. Yes, okay. I I know I've talked about this on one of my episodes. But I think it may have been behind. It's probably been behind the Patreon page because I've been nervous to share this ah story because I get ashamed about talking about the person that I used to be I used to be a 100% homophobic man I mean I used to say foul stuff about gay people gay men in particular, not so much gay women but gay men in particular I was a misogynist I had that toxic masculinity I thought a man was supposed to be a certain way. Um, and I and I didn't I didn't like gay people here's the kicker. Ah until I got to the age of 23 I don't know that I had ever known a gay man in my entire life. So this. Fear was completely from the unknown right? and the fear came from I don't know like ah you know I've talked to I talked to my sister about this and I've talked to gay men about this and my sister.

35:33.27
Bruce Anthony
Says something that made it clear to me that gay men kind of didn't like gay men were saying were you scared that we were gonna turn you gay and it was like well no like that wasn't anything that I was really scared about because I knew that I I knew that I wasn't gay there. There's nothing wrong with being gay but I just knew that you know I preferred. To be with women. Um, so I wasn't afraid of that and my sister pointed out you were afraid of being treated like a woman was being treated I was like what do you mean by that you knew gay men were going to hit on you and you know men and men are aggressive just like the way you are when you hit on women. And I was like ah there you go. That's what it is ah, it's tough for most men to say. But yeah, that's what it is that the aggression of men hitting on you if it was just a simple hey how you doing would you like to. You know, go on a date when no I'm not gay and they leave you alone cool and that happens right? that happens. But also there's been times where I've been now like and it's been very aggressive and these things have been portrayed on television. You know one of my favorite scenes of Martin was when he was at the Dmv and the guy that was. Ah, stereotypical gay man you know flamboyant think Jack from a will and Grace was hitting on Martin and was just being relentless about it and that's what men fear right? and that's not really the case I mean that happens sometimes right, but that's not really the case. Um, so.

37:06.73
Bruce Anthony
I was working in the restaurant industry and worked with a lot of gay people and I realized that the gay men weren't anything to be fearful of um that was one 2 they joked on my homophobia ah like. Like what do you think this is going to do like this is Goingnna rub off on you. This is not a choice this is who we are don't worry about it. Bruce we know that you're not gay like you don't have to worry and I was like I'm not worried about that and that was like you sure you sure not worried about that. Um, but there was still. And and even still today there is still a uncomfortable ness when it comes to television and men's sex scenes right? like I'm still uncomfortable about that type of stuff. But you know what? I'm uncomfortable when 2 fat people have a sex scene. I'm uncomfortable with 2 ugly people have sexy I'm uncomfortable with people that are missing limbs have a sex scene like just that type of stuff makes me uncomfortable once I came to that realization that there are things that make me uncomfortable and it's okay to be uncomfortable with certain things. You don't have to. Being uncomfortable doesn't mean that you have to but not I'm trying to think of the right way to say that I can be uncomfortable with it and still respect people. Um.

38:39.20
Bruce Anthony
So yeah, there are still time like like even now and I would say that I'm trying to be a huge ah an advocate for the lgbtq plus community but there are still some things that made me uncomfortable but there was this one guy his name was Josh I tell this story to people that are really close to me. Ah. Josh was a gay white southern man that was also a republican so that we could not be more different in every category. He's white I'm black. He's a republican I'm a democrat. He's gay I'm straight and he is was one of my. Dearest friends when we work together I mean he's since moved away and we've lost contact the last time I saw him was a couple of years ago at a bar and I made some embarrassing proclamation. We were at the bar I put my arm around him I said I love this man this man broke me from my homophobia totally embarrassed the hell out of him. But he also knows that's kind of me. Um and that it was coming from a genuine place and we would talk about you know I remember he came to me one time and he was distraught because his boyfriend had broke out with him and I was genuinely hurt like I wasn't skittish I couldn't talk about it because that was my friend I didn't want to see him hurt like that. Um, and we did we became legitimately really really good friends so much. So it's 2006 Superman returns comes out. Everybody knows me knows I love superman and he had an extra ticket for the premiere of the movie that was in Dc. .

40:14.71
Bruce Anthony
And he was like hey I have an extra ticket to the superman returns premiere would you like to go I was like hell yeah I would like to go he was like hey just let you know my boyfriend will be coming with us I said so and he was like wow you. Came a long way I hadn't even realized it I was like so I don't care and be around you and your boyfriend and it was at that moment I was like well you know I guess I guess I've grown up a little bit so Josh is the reason why you will be afraid of a lot of things when you're not familiar with it. When when you don't when you're not around people. Um that are different than you you you tend to be fearful of those things that are different than you and that's reason why I tell everybody like look at the circle of your friends and people that are close to you if they all look sound and act like you. How are you really growing how you really developing. Right? Like hopefully your circle should be like a rainbow a rainbow of people from all different walks of life so that you can learn and grow and experience new things and I'm so grateful to not only Josh, but those guys. Worked at Hard Rock Cafe with me for opening up my eyes so I will continue and always be a strong advocate for the lgbtq plus community because I see them as people who are being marginalized and attacked and me as a black man in this country I know how that feels and I can never sit back and watch somebody.

41:44.35
Bruce Anthony
That's being marginalized and attacked and not do anything or say anything about it. So that's the reason why I frequently bring up topics about the lgbtq plus community and I make a lot of people uncomfortable with that and I don't really give a damn. This is my show I'm gonna talk about what the hell I want to talk about. You can listen or not listen. But I'm gonna do my thing all right next question I've noticed that you often discuss conservatives and republicans kind of attacking them a little bit is there. A particular reason behind this or is just your personal preference. Okay, so. I have friends who are conservatives and republicans right? It's that rainbow coalition of of people that are close to me just because you don't think like me doesn't mean that I hate you first of all I only hate one person and it's a former client and I'm not gonna get into this this. Particulars about that. Um, but I tend to not hate people and I tend to think for the most part no matter what your ideology is I can learn something from you if if you have an intelligent. Reason for having the ideology that you have for those people who are Trump supporters just to be Trump supporters and and what I mean by that is is say the things that he does isn't racist or sexist or misogynist. You really aren't.

43:17.92
Bruce Anthony
Listening and then that means that you just believe those things I really don't have too much to say to you about that because I could forgive people for voting for him the first time but he showed who he was ah throughout his presidency and. The last three years so if you still rock with him then there's no really I can't even find common ground with use for us to have an intelligent conversation I can't because all he spewed is hatefulness. There is not any love that he comes out with. Except for love for himself. So but I don't I don't dislike republicans or conservatives and not at all I I am a a fan of John Caseik he was a former governor of Ohio. Ah I like Larry Hogan the former governor of Maryland. Chris Christie I don't believe in all of his policies but I like I tend to think that he is a decent decent human being and is intelligent in his policies and he just has a different way of looking at the world and and I don't think a different way of looking at the world is wrong because I don't think I have all the right answers. Anybody that thinks they have all the right answers are a fool if you think you're right all the time you're a fool a wise man can admit when they're wrong and I don't have all the right answers and sometimes when I think that I'm right I learned different things and I'm just like um I wasn't far off but maybe I should think about.

44:50.81
Bruce Anthony
This so I and and and often talk to my sister about the conversations veering off as us attacking conservatives republicans and I try to bring it back to saying that I will call out liberals and Democrats just the same when they're doing foul stuff. Ah, when you do something foul I will be like I'm a call you out on that. Um it it just in the era that we are now there are more the loudest voice in the republican party seems to be spewing a lot of hate. Whether it's hate for the lgbt q plus community whether it's hate for women and then being in control of their bodies or if it's hate for minorities or people of color. It's a lot of hate and it's a lot of this is our country where it really isn't it's all of our countries. It's like it's everybody. It's our country. This country has always been a melting pot of bring it bring it bring us everybody. That's who we are as americans american america is not supposed to be Cis white cis christian male. That's not America that's not and that seems to be what the loudest group in the republican party are are kind of running on. Um, but you have a lot of people that that are running that unfortunately are not going to get.

46:24.13
Bruce Anthony
Too far and in the republican party that that don't run on those things. Ah Mitt Romney doesn't run on those things. Um, you know unfortunately Adam at Adam Kenning King Injur was just you know was a house of representative and they ran him out. Ah. Kevin Mccarthy I don't know what he stands for I don't I don't want to attack conservatives and republicans conservatives tend to believe that you could do things by yourself and the government needs to be limited and I would say that's really easy to say to tell somebody to pull themselves up by the boosttraps. Ah. But it's really hard to do when you have boots and an unfortunate a lot of people in this country. Don't have boots so they can't pull themselves up by the boot traps so that and I think that they're if they were in certain communities that they would see that but they're either. They're not or they. Choose not to see it but I don't think every conservative or republican I think that's what that question was leading to is a bad person I just I just don't believe that and I don't think um I don't think the republican party is gone I think that think that I think that the the people that are. The worst part of the party are are really loud. But I still believe that there are some really really good people and that are conservatives and republicans that just think a little bit differently than I do I believe in helping those people that are less fortunate and realizing that everybody has a different walk of life.

47:57.18
Bruce Anthony
And sometimes people can't pull themselves out of boosttraps. But sometimes those people are just exceptional. Not everybody could come from the same area and make it out so sometimes they need a little bit of help and I hope that answers the question. Um I try to stay I try to call everybody out. Um, just seems as a a lot times. Conservative republicans are just the loudest people the loudest people not the entire republican party but just seems like the loudest people are hateful and so I got to call that out. Ah what motivates you to start your podcast I think I already dressed that. On the last episode I don't think I really need to address it again. Was there a specific goal or message you wanted to convey to your audience think just think um I just talked to my sister about the other other day and I feel like a lot of people just don't ah. Just don't think that they're given information. The worst thing in the world that you can give to people who don't think is a lot of information because they won't sift through it and analyze it. They'll just take it in and don't really know what they're taking in and just regurgitate what they get back. And a lot of people don't check sources. But that's just a journalist in me, you know my first major was journalism and it was always about checking sources checking things where you come from and people will send me stuff and be like hey what do you think about this and I was like ah look at a source like now don't believe anything with this person has to say but they make a good point.

49:31.50
Bruce Anthony
No, they don't make a good point and look at the sources. It's coming from ah source isn't reliable. Um, so that's what I'm trying to convey to my audience to think Um, how do you typically find guests for your podcast various ways. Sometimes it's people that I know. I'm just like hey you have an interesting story would love to get you on a podcast Sometimes it's random conversations with strangers that happens from time time where I go out just because of who I am I'm inquisitive person about people. So I will be that person that makes things uncomfortable like oh and hear that accent where are you from or I see you wearing something What is that about like and and I don't know how I get away with it. Some people say it's just they could tell that I don't have any malice behind my questions and I'm just genuinely curious I'm genuinely curious about people. Um, so it's the things that I you know how do I find them. We are on a ah particular podcast site where people pitch themselves to us so I had to routinely go through thing go through like this this long list of stuff see what they want to talk about and if I find some interest in it then. Then it I'll interview them sometimes I'm asking people to come on because I feel like they have an interesting story. Um, yeah, that's pretty much how I find guess do I have a specific criteria of topics that I look for and guess no interesting story right? like I have to think I I think.

50:59.14
Bruce Anthony
Of when I think about interviewing somebody I immediately start start thinking of the questions and if I can't come up with 5 quick questions in the first three minutes of thinking about the interview then I know that that interview really isn't interesting to me and if it's not interesting to me. It won't be interesting to you guys. So ah, there isn't any specific criteria except that's the criteria I have to be interested in the story and if I could find some interest in the story and I could do it? Ah okay, this would be the final question because this is run along and this is an interesting story. 1 inspired you to pursue fitness. Ah, do you have a favorite client. No I love all my clients the same or a success story. You would like to share. Let's just go with what inspired me to to start fitness so it is 2003 I'm 23 years old um dating this girl I'm working in a restaurant business. And she's saying to me hey you starting to get a little chubby because you're out of college now. So you're not working out and doing the things that you normally would do. You know you live in life and I'm in a restaurant business which means I'm eating and drinking a lot so I was getting big for me and she was like you know why don't you start working out and I was saying to her. Don't be worried about what I'm doing I still got you like I was still getting women right? because you know I was cheating a little bit back in the day but I'm still getting women so I was like I'm still getting attention matter. Of fact, the restaurant I was working at they labeled me basically the hot guy. So why the hell would I think that I need to get in shape. There.

52:33.18
Bruce Anthony
At the restaurant that my girlfriend at the time worked that there was a gay host um and and the only thing the only reason why I bring up gay is because I know that gay men will be brutally honest to you where your boys would just be like your boysin't gonna tell you that that are aren't gay. Yeah, you gain a little bit of weight you start to look a little pudgy. They don't really care about that stuff a gay man will put will put it out there for you so it was a older gay man and I walked in and he's like Bruce you turned into a little chunky monkey and I said what did you say. You heard me, you turned into a little chunky monkey you gain a little bit that did it that she my girlfriend time she got mad she was like I've been telling you for weeks and and you didn't want to lose the weight but he said something to you I was like I don't know what it was but then nobody else called me a chunky monkey that hit hard. Um, so I started I signed up for a gym and I started losing weight because I was a former athlete so I kind of knew what to do and I did lose weight then the problem was is I didn't know how to really lift weights anymore. Ah, not for real for real. Not to do a real program so I was like a skinny fat. And there was a personal trainer who later became my mentor that lived in the building and I remember asking him a bunch of questions about personal training and and then finally he was like you know you could just hire me so I did I hired him and he got me into great shape. I mean I looked I looked great and he said you know what are you doing with yourself right now.

54:07.44
Bruce Anthony
And at that time I was in the restaurant business I was ah doing a little bit of marketing and I had owned a piece of a wrestling company but I was kind of like I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I was thinking about moving to l a at the time to really really get into marketing and he was like you know until all that. Think you would be a really good personal trainer. You know with your personality and the fact that you've taken to this and the fact that you've studied education. You wouldn't know how to put the programs together really easily I think that you would be really good at that I said. Okay, yeah, you know I could do it as a little you know, low side Gig I'm always. I'm always looking for little side gigs that I could do any way that I can generate income I'm always looking for that. So got my certification I started work for him. Um, and that's really how I got into fitness he I was lucky because he had been somebody who had been training for 2030 years and had dealt with professional athletes. So not only did I study to get my certification I was getting hands on training with him and really showing me the dos and don'ts and then luckily I had that you know education background from school where taught me lesson plan. So I'm really really good at program design because Lesson plans program designs is the same thing. But how did I get into fitness all because a gay host in Washington d c called me a chunky monkey and I didn't want to be chunky. No more and that's the story. How I got into fitness but on that note.

55:42.12
Bruce Anthony
Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching remember like comment share subscribe subscribe subscribe subscribe to our Youtube channel but until next time our holla.