Fostering Love and Reform: An Interview with Dr. John DeGarmo

00:18.69
Bruce Anthony
On today's episode I'll be interviewing Dr John de garmo or Dr John will be talking about the child welfare system his travels in his personal life. But first things first.

00:41.68
Bruce Anthony
You know I think that I've done I've done other shows talking about children and with the mass shootings that's going on and the the children in cages at the border ah child.

00:57.72
Bruce Anthony
Trafficking I really want to put and shine a light on how we and our decisions as adults are damaging generations that are coming up behind us more specifically the kids. Think all of us can remember back being a kid and just wanting to be safe and I think as we get older. We lose sight of that I saw a meme the other day that said you are now as an adult. The. Person that you wish would have protected you as a kid because you are now that safe space for for yourself that would have protected you as a kid I think that's important I think parents want to protect their children. I think that we as ah, a society as a human race but more specifically here in the United States needed to do a better job at really protecting our children and it is really and by doing that and by saying that we want to protect our children. We need to really examine the institutions of which our children are living. And trying to survive it so I'm looking forward to interviewing Dr John as he is an expert in child welfare and the child welfare system. So he's going to give us some real insight about what's going on here in the us and I'm looking forward to to learning so without further ado.
02:27.67
Bruce Anthony
Let's get the show in a row.

00:08.69
Bruce Anthony
All right I'm here with Dr John de garmo. He you can find him at Dr John Degarmo at fostercare.com. He's a author a leading expert in foster care and parenting and also worked in professional wrestling. Dr. John how are you doing today I can't complain I'm I'm happy that you're joining me here and and and I think that this conversation is going to be really important for a lot of people to learn about ah you and a lot of things that that you're a part of no problem at all.

00:27.26
Dr. John DeGarmo
I'm spectacular how about yourself. Yeah.

00:40.11
Dr. John DeGarmo
Thank you so much the opportunity.

00:45.18
Bruce Anthony
Ah, can you tell me a little bit about your background and how you became a leading expert in Foster care and parenting.

00:51.42
Dr. John DeGarmo
And well sure it was never something I intended to do or um, wanted to do if you will my wife's from Australia we we met in a performing group traveled the world singing and dancing got married and. And several years into our marriage our first child died of a condition called ancephalu some pronounce a anekeply. It's a condition with a brain is calleddo in form and my wife was in labor for 92 hours before the child died and you know that really led me to a dark place. Ilyria led me to.

01:07.87
Bruce Anthony
A a.

01:24.57
Dr. John DeGarmo
I was filled with a lot of anger and not like grief but a lot of anger. Um I enter my back on a lot of things and then years later we moved back to the United States living in a rural county and Middle Georgia very southern rural area.

01:24.75
Bruce Anthony
Are a.

01:42.26
Dr. John DeGarmo
And start teaching in a rural high school setting. We had 3 healthy children by that point and I noticed a lot of kids coming through my classroom who had issues of attendance issues of behavior issues about academics and I kept saying to myself what is going on why? Why are there so many students in my classroom who have all these issues in a small rural town. And then I begin to meet a lot of their birth parents and I recognize Aha it really starts in the home so that led to a discussion of how can we help these kids. How can we help some of my students. How can we help children in crisis children in need children are being Abused. Um, and that led to discussion of foster parenting which led to fosh bearing and that led to my doctorate I led to several books and now I travel the the nation and the globe working with child welfare agencies, Foster parent agencies legislators across the country and trying to reform the system trying to. Prevent human trafficking and have really driven each day to help children in crisis.

02:42.22
Bruce Anthony
I Believe that children are the future teaching. Well and you let them lead the way.

02:48.42
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, that's true. It's so true, but sadly in the United States we have 5000000 children who are victims of of domestic violence in their own home. Oh sadly, not many people share the same viewpoint that you and I do.

02:56.88
Bruce Anthony
A.

03:02.47
Bruce Anthony
So I'm going to take a quick detour what is categorized specifically as domestic violence. So I grew up and I'm in my early 40 s and my parents were a product of.

03:05.49
Dr. John DeGarmo
And.

03:19.93
Bruce Anthony
Weapons So I did I got weapons until I was about 1112 years old and then punishments became taking things away and I've since talked to my father and he's he's commented on the fact that maybe that wasn't the best way to raise you. And I told him I was like it wasn't the best at every scenario but sometimes that discipline made me listen to you I guess out of fear but but love and fear it. It also made sure that I stayed on the on the straight and narrow path. So I Guess my question is what constitutes domestic violence and what are the different levels of punishment that are acceptable and not acceptable.

04:10.52
Dr. John DeGarmo
Well, you know you you you bring up something interesting I grew up in a home I want to say it was whipping but I certainly got spanked back of the hand or spatul at worst. Um, today in today's society that's not accepted for whatever reason might be.

04:23.42
Bruce Anthony
A.

04:26.74
Dr. John DeGarmo
But I've had children come to my home who have had been beaten so severely that to you They hadn't no teeth I've had children who have had hands placed on stoves. Um, children who have been raped by their by their.

04:45.11
Dr. John DeGarmo
Family members over and over and over again. Um I've had children who have had see have seen their their mothers beaten severely and maybe the death. Um, and that's where we're seeing so many children in today's society coming from.

04:55.14
Bruce Anthony
He.

05:03.22
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, you know we're seeing the breakdown of families breakdown of values and morals that you know family values that you and I grew up in um, those are deteriorating in our society. Um, it's it's it's a rough time for Children. You know you can also look at what's happened post Covid We're seeing. And increase in teenage Suicide up 70% to Teenage Suicide attempts up 70% since 2020? Um, so our children really are under attack in so many different ways.

05:36.45
Bruce Anthony
Um, I Know that's just hearing you say that tugs at my heartstrings of what these kids having to go through Obviously my parents never did anything quite to that extreme like when I say Whoopens like you know why? No I have a belt. Every now and then a couple lashes but it was never in a part where there were any bruises or blood when you're seeing kids that are being treated like that. How do you control your anchor.

06:06.22
Dr. John DeGarmo
That's a great question. Um, and I'll tell you it's difficult I think use of whippings I think about the the the 18 month old we had in our house who had lashes all over his back. He's whipped by ah by his mother with an electrical cord. Because the father of that child was different than the other 2 siblings that he had and she was upset with that father so he had lashes all over his back from thelip political court. Um, how do I keep how do I keep from coming angry. Well I struggle with that. You know as a human being.

06:39.15
Bruce Anthony
Um.

06:40.85
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, I get upset that these crimes have been committed against these children as a person of faith I have to remind myself. Well you know my sins are no bigger than theirs god loves him just as much as he loves me. Um these children. These are these parents are children of god they're most likely coming from the same type of environment. You know it's generational for so many kids. But I I struggle I used to really struggle mightily when I first became a fo parent and now I recognize so many of the parents of these children are coming from an environment where they were abused as well. I think I think back to 2 kids that are third generation foster their parents and grandparents were also in the system. And their birth mother was prostuted out by age 9 by her father. There's no way in the world. She is capable of being a strong positive healthy parent or mother when she never had that in her life and she's still suffering from her own trauma.

07:21.12
Bruce Anthony
A.

07:36.66
Bruce Anthony
Yeah.

07:38.89
Dr. John DeGarmo
Her life. Ah so sometimes I need to remember that. Um, but ah, you know there have been times where I have been angry. You know how how could you do this to a child I think back to the yeah.

07:47.10
Bruce Anthony
Yeah.

07:53.14
Dr. John DeGarmo
Think back to the 4 year old two 4 year old girl two year old girl one year old boy who had all been raped by their grandfather over and over again now I think how can you do this? How can people do this to children. Um, so I struggle with that time to time sure.

08:08.43
Bruce Anthony
No, um, well to kind of get back into your professional life. You've written several books on fostering and adoption. Can you tell me? what are the most rewarding experience is from fostering or being an adoptive parent because they're.

08:14.76
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, for.

08:26.41
Bruce Anthony
2 different things fostering a child and adopting the child are 2 different things.

08:30.58
Dr. John DeGarmo
I that's right that's right I've been ah I've been a foster parent myself to over sixty plus children over the years and we've adopted 3 and adoption happens just to clarify adoption happens. So the the parent the biological parent with a child is place in the foster care system. The biological parent has a certain amount of time. Ah, time frameme if you will in order to maybe go to some parenting classes get a stable job show some stability get help basically and that they're unable to do so in that time frameme and many times it's extended but they're unable to do so then is's known as.

08:58.46
Bruce Anthony
Um.

09:06.35
Dr. John DeGarmo
Termination app parental rights Tpr and then if that happens then the adoption usually goes towards a birth parent or sorry biological relative maybe a grandparent or an and uncle and if 1 is not found then the adoption usually goes towards the foster parents like myself. Um. But so so some of the happiest moments. Well I mentioned that 4 year old girl who was raped so severely when she came to her house. She could not say a single word. She just grunted it went ah ah to show us that she was hungry um watching her learn how to smile watching her learn how to laugh for the very first time so rewarding.

09:37.18
Bruce Anthony
Um.

09:41.41
Dr. John DeGarmo
Watching children learn how to trust that an adult is not going to hurt them rewarding um watching children learn how to play so rewarding um as an adopted parent.

09:42.25
Bruce Anthony
A.

09:56.80
Dr. John DeGarmo
There's no Difference. There's no label. My I don't have a label my house.. There's no biological. There's no Adoptive. There's no foster. They're all my children. Um, if you look at my family you're gonna see many different Colors. We don't have black or white in our house. We're all the same color just different shades of gods skin because I don't like plays on kids because then that puts them in the Categories. So. Um, when it comes to adopting my children I don't really see um a I don't see a difference between my adoptive biological children They they're my kids but I will say that the process of adopting them was incredibly emotional incredibly Emotionally joining my family. Um I believe.

10:31.26
Bruce Anthony
Um.

10:35.41
Dr. John DeGarmo
That every child in fosh care deserve needs 3 things stability so they need stability. They need structure but when they need more than anything else is unconditional. Love they need us to love them with all of our hearts so that when they leave for whatever reason our hearts break just broke.

10:51.19
Bruce Anthony
Um.

10:51.99
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, and a lot of parents experience a lostster parents experience feelings of grief and loss broken hearts because there's like losing your own child. So when we adopted these children. You know they're forever with us. Um, just a a blessing but let me tell you it's There's hard moments too as a foster parent.

11:01.45
Bruce Anthony
Um.

11:05.36
Bruce Anthony
Yeah I was going to ask I have several questions. Let's start with being an adoptive parent. So when you're fostering the parent has an opportunity to gain that child gain. The the legal rights of that child.

11:10.70
Dr. John DeGarmo
Sure. So.

11:25.60
Bruce Anthony
Back correct. So when you've adopted them. However, means it it went whether the parent lost their parental rights or parents just weren't around anymore if the parents are still around. How do you deal with the kids. Possibly still want to have a relationship with the parents and maybe the parents still want to be a part of their lives but still but recognizing that they can't take care of them like how does that process work.

11:53.63
Dr. John DeGarmo
Well it all depends upon the situation is every situation is different. Every situation is unique to begin with we are my wife and I are going to ensure that our children are safe that they are in no way in harm's way. So.

12:06.14
Bruce Anthony
A.

12:11.83
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, and when it come regards to their biological family members. You know to begin with there's no secrets the well they only have to do is to look in the mirror and say hey something's different about me than mommy and Daddy I look a little them so we never heard the fact that they're doubt that they all know that and we celebrate adoption day every year and um, but when it comes to that you know. Ah.

12:20.63
Bruce Anthony
A.

12:31.55
Dr. John DeGarmo
It's it's really up to the well our oldest one who's adopted. She is 15 now. Um you know it's up to her in regards to how much contact she wants to have with her biological mother. We place it on her. We don't push it upon her.

12:44.13
Bruce Anthony
Me here.

12:48.41
Dr. John DeGarmo
We don't force it upon her. We don't deny it from her either say here. It is you know what? what are you comfortable with um because that we don't want to create any anxiety. Ah the other 2 their bows mother simply saw the picture but if she was we would do the same thing.

12:57.33
Bruce Anthony
Me.

13:07.68
Dr. John DeGarmo
Again, if it is healthy and safe.

13:11.86
Bruce Anthony
Um, So another thing that came up in what you were talking about is that you've fostered or adopted. Fostered you've had so many kids in your life. They say that you're they're your kid 60 Obviously they come from all different walks of life races religions Creeds things of that nature. How do you deal with the cultural differences and raising them and is that and do you did you write any books on raising.

13:23.80
Dr. John DeGarmo
All right.

13:40.74
Bruce Anthony
Kids that are a different race or ethnicity.

13:42.82
Dr. John DeGarmo
You know my wife as I mentioned earlier is from Australia we had the we had the the pleasure the blessing of traveling around the world and we have dear friends in I think maybe 5 different continents and we travel all the time and we also have people coming to visit us from all over the globe.

13:54.97
Bruce Anthony
A.

14:01.16
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, my children's godparents are from Australia Germany Switzerland um, we have dear friends from Japan and Africa so we have had the wonderful opportunity to have so many different cultures live in our house including my wife including our godparents. So.

14:12.84
Bruce Anthony
A.

14:19.40
Dr. John DeGarmo
My kids have been introduced since birth to different cultures. It's just something that we celebrate every single day we celebrate differences. We don't we don't divide into categories but we celebrate the differences if that makes sense. Um.

14:21.81
Bruce Anthony
A a.

14:34.16
Bruce Anthony
Yeah.

14:37.52
Dr. John DeGarmo
So you know it really hasn't been something that's been a challenge for us in any way. Um, because if you were to examine my eyes you're going to see things from all around the globe. Um, you know might some of my older children have spent time over in Europe living there.

14:47.89
Bruce Anthony
A.

14:56.50
Dr. John DeGarmo
And over in Australia living there and we've had same thing living here as well. Um, so again, it's not something that we've had a challenge with there are others that do I understand that but that hasn't been a barrier for us anyway because we celebrate all of that.

15:07.99
Bruce Anthony
Okay.

15:11.76
Dr. John DeGarmo
And we learn about all that as well and we teach those cultural differences to our children. Um I have I have written about it I have also done training webinars about it as well at the Foster care students.

15:22.89
Bruce Anthony
So you also brought up that you worked with legislators right down the road from me here in Washington d c and that you you said something about fixing the system can you.

15:35.74
Dr. John DeGarmo
Right? right? right.

15:39.75
Bruce Anthony
Break down a little bit about what you were talking about specifically with the system and and what are some of the things that need to be fixed and adjusted and addressed in that system.

15:48.25
Dr. John DeGarmo
So where do you begin? Um, but there there is 50 different states which means there's 50 different ways of doing foster because every state has its own policies procedures rules regulations and then every agency may also have minor differences as well. So that means there's so many different ways of doing fos care and none of them are perfect. Um I'm do it better than others when I was in Dc I was there in July of 2020 in the midst of the insanity that was covered I went with Jen Lilly who's a celebrity actress.

16:05.33
Bruce Anthony
Yeah.

16:21.95
Dr. John DeGarmo
Actually she's filming a movie right now in California or writing a book together right now. She's a foster adoptive parent and advocate and we went there um to meet with legislators we we weren't concerned about any buyers we were more concerned about children. Um, and so we met with reform the reunification process. So.

16:33.70
Bruce Anthony
In.

16:41.30
Dr. John DeGarmo
Reunification relates to what a child is reunified with their birth parents. Okay, they go back home for whatever reason it might be well 50% of and that's always the end goal of foster care 50% of children in fos care are reunified with their birth parents of that 50% 20 to 30% come back into care.

16:44.72
Bruce Anthony
Me.

16:58.35
Bruce Anthony
Are.

17:00.35
Dr. John DeGarmo
Because their parents perhaps were not ready just yet. They weren't getting support services they need. They might slip back into their own addictions abuse might reoccur sometimes the children sadly have even died in the home so we were there to say you know what there needs to be another step in the reunification process.

17:11.47
Bruce Anthony
A.

17:17.90
Dr. John DeGarmo
To stop the 20 to 30% coming back into care because when they come back into care. They're far more traumatized. They're filled with even more anxiety and pain. Um, so that's one of the things we're working on reform. Um, another thing we're working on is child welfare agencies today are overworked overwhelmed under resource under. So.

17:23.11
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

17:37.14
Dr. John DeGarmo
Board and under staff. There's not enough foster parents for the children. There's more kids coming into care look at our Border. You know we have seen children flooding over a border right now. Human trafficking is a huge problem inner nature right now a lot of that is from the fos care system and so trying to. Reform the system in regards to how can we give better support services for the foster parents so they can care for this influx of children Opiate Epidemic Let's the opiate epidemic when parents are incarcerated because they're addictions where do these kids go going to a system that can't handle it when they're hospitalized.

18:09.30
Bruce Anthony
Um, and.

18:11.66
Dr. John DeGarmo
Do they go when the parents die from the opiate addictions where do they go. They're going to a foster care system that can't handle it because there's none the fo your parents and agencies are overwhelmed so trying to fix that as well. Just just a couple things we're working on.

18:21.17
Bruce Anthony
How can you one get people to to want to be false to parents because you say there's not enough So What are some incentives besides money because we know there are some foster parents out there that that might be using it for money. Ah, but besides money what can we do to get more people to be foster parents and how can we get more people to be social workers right? because social workers are the ones that are dealing with child services correct. Um.

18:50.57
Dr. John DeGarmo
Right? Front line readers.

18:55.22
Bruce Anthony
I know because I've I've known of a couple of people who are social workers that even if they go get their masters that they're really not making a lot of money and they're overworked and not making a lot of money. So what are some things that we can do to improve those situations.

19:02.30
Dr. John DeGarmo
No overwork and.

19:12.59
Dr. John DeGarmo
Well first off I want to I want to clear up any misconceptions when people say fos your parents are in for the money I'm not sure how they do it for the money because there's not much there. You know we get a daily per Dm and the daily per dm is dependent upon the child's age and dependent upon the child's um needs if you will.

19:22.99
Bruce Anthony
Um, and.

19:28.23
Bruce Anthony
Hey hey.

19:30.39
Dr. John DeGarmo
Now there's not much there. There really is we do it I As a fosh parent They come of my house their my child So I'm going to make sure they have all the opportunities they me if that means opening up my own wallet to make sure they pay for them to go to camp go to play Sports do dance That's fine. Um, because I'm not getting reimbursed for that stuff.

19:48.53
Bruce Anthony
Um, right.

19:50.18
Dr. John DeGarmo
And I don't do that reimbursement I do it because I have a love for children and I want to help them. Um, how do we get more fos parents. You know I did a ted talk on foster care and that was to bring awareness to what children in our nation are going through I mentioned 5000000 children experiencing domestic violence. There 800000 children missing some statistics safe. Some statistics say 300000 children victims of human trafficking which means all of that means it's in every single community in our nation. We don't have to go far to find our own personal mission field if you will because it's it's in our neighborhood. It's sometimes it's within our own family if you will.

20:19.29
Bruce Anthony
Um.

20:25.48
Bruce Anthony
A.

20:28.36
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, so I think Awareness equals advocacy I try to bring awareness these issues so people can say you know what I didn't know this was happening where I live. How can I help these kids but I also recognize being a fos parent is not for everybody. It's the hardest thing I've done. It's the most rewarding thing I've done to be sure and every child's may be a better person in some way but there have been times where I've where I've questioned am I making a difference or this is so hard or I can't I can't go through another broken Heart. Um, so so there no well not everybody can be a foster everybody can help in some way.

20:52.97
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

21:03.70
Bruce Anthony
Here.

21:05.34
Dr. John DeGarmo
Whether it's donating school supplies or hygiene items or new clothing or those's just a few ways so we can all can help in regards to caseworkers. Well caseworkers do need to be paid more. Yes I agree with that and they need to have a lighter case load. Um.

21:20.13
Bruce Anthony
Um.

21:20.59
Dr. John DeGarmo
They're overworked overwhelmed under supported under staff. So if we lower the ratio of foster parents to caseworkers. So caseworkers have less foster parents to work with which means fo parents have more support services that's going to go a long ways in helping the problem.

21:35.29
Bruce Anthony
Where does the money come from to improve the systems.

21:40.30
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, well as I talk with legislators I try to remind legislators These are not goods and services these are children and our money needs to go towards that and none is money does not need to go towards openness i' talking to a legislative the of the day and they're telling me that there's.

21:48.75
Bruce Anthony
Ah.

21:57.65
Dr. John DeGarmo
They spent all day legislation talking about blowing off leaves off the capitol building driveway and I'm saying you know what money could be spent elsewhere How about helping children. So you know it's just um, it's just looking at what our priorities in our nation should be.

22:07.19
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

22:15.30
Bruce Anthony
So you brought up your Ted talk can you give me a little bit of information about that.

22:16.69
Dr. John DeGarmo
And the those priorities should be on protecting children.

22:25.73
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, yes, so I talked about how the system failed one of my own kids we had her for almost two years in our house now we're in the process of adopting her and then I won't spoil the Ted talk. But sadly it led to a very horrific situation for the child. Um. And how the system failed her so I shared that story um and talk about how we can all help children in crisis in some way again. Awareness equals advocacy I want to bring awareness to what it's like being a fosh parent awareness of what it's like being for these children. Awareness how the system can fail a child.

22:58.50
Bruce Anthony
Um, a.

23:03.13
Dr. John DeGarmo
And awareness on how we all can play a part in helping these children.

23:07.98
Bruce Anthony
Um, what advice would you give to somebody thinking about being a foster parent because you have experience with sixty sixty that's a lot what what would you say to those people that that are thinking about it I was. 1 time in a relationship and the person that I was with said do you want kids and I said yeah and they said well do they have to be yours and I said nope we can adopt what about fostering and I said I never thought about fostering before it's like yeah so what. Would be some advice that you would give to people who were thinking about that.

23:43.51
Dr. John DeGarmo
First thing you gotta do is you've got to discuss with your spouse or your partner and see if they're on board you both have to be on board committed together. Do it because there's a 2 person job. There are times where I have to let's so we've had as many as 11 our house at the same time including 7 in diapers.

23:55.38
Bruce Anthony
A.

24:02.36
Bruce Anthony
Jesus yeah.

24:03.44
Dr. John DeGarmo
Which is it's pretty exhausting. Let me tell in diapers is who why crazy? Um I don't wish upon anybody. Um, and so you know I would depend upon my wife for help and she do the same thing and when we're you know one of us is burned out exhausted the other one tags in.

24:17.66
Bruce Anthony
A.

24:23.12
Dr. John DeGarmo
So you both have to be bored both of the be committed and then you need to talk to any other people in your family. You know if you have children are they on board as well. Um, you don't have to have a big house. You don't have to have a lot of money. You don't have to be married can be single false parent. Um, you just had to have a heart to help children. So. My first suggestion is. Talk with your partner your spouse and your family and then also make sure that you have some type of support system in place whether it's other family members or friends or a church or faith based organization or a fo parent support group in your area because it can be. Exhausting when you're caring for children your house 24 hours a day seven days a week who have anxiety and have suffered horrific horrific trauma and may have issues of trust and attachment. Um, that can be challenging on a family.

So Dr John I wanted to ask you with you bringing in so many different kids into your home and you said you have three biological kids and 3 adoptive kids. How did the dynamics between the children work.

43:46.80
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, well for my children. It's their norm. You know we we have had over sixty plus kids. My oldest daughter is 25 we started when she was I think maybe 6 so it's their norm. It's their norm you know at any given day or hour

43:49.46
Bruce Anthony
A a.

44:06.36
Dr. John DeGarmo
Ah, new child could be coming into the house so was it always a happy experience that kids no sometimes I say dead this kids drive me crazy that kids drive me crazy at the same time. My wife and I couldn't do without our kids because as soon as a child comes to our house.

44:12.98
Bruce Anthony
A.

44:19.39
Bruce Anthony
Right.

44:23.57
Dr. John DeGarmo
And they're scared. They're afraid they're confused. They don't know why they're in their house. They don't know will they will they ever see their moms and dads Again, they don't know if someone will hurt them. They don't know if um, how and they'll be with us or strangers to them. Um, so my kids are the first ones to go up there and take them by the hand and and go play with them.

44:42.14
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

44:42.53
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, and that's wonderful It's wonderful. Um, but yeah, sure there've been time so they thought dad this this child is drive me crazy. Okay, let's have let's have the discussion and you know sometimes I'll take a um a moment off but like maybe we'll take a break from bosstering like when when when we had a child with us for almost two years um and when she left. We were all grief stricken every one of our family was just heartbroken and we recognize hey we need to take a bit time off and heal on this.

45:05.00
Bruce Anthony
Um.

45:09.35
Bruce Anthony
Yeah, okay, thank you for that.

25:25.73
Bruce Anthony
Now. Dr John you've been everywhere talking about. Um what you do as far as being an advocate for foster care and and and running your organizations. you've been on Cnn you've been on headline news you've been on getting more in the America. Ah, you've even been on wife swap can you tell me what some memorable experiences you've had of being on these programs.

25:50.76
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, everyone was done to bring awareness including wesop when they first called us up. You know we we've been asked to do a lot of reality shows over the year she was. She's from Australia he's ah.

25:51.26
Bruce Anthony
He.

26:03.20
Dr. John DeGarmo
United States living in the deep south all these kids different colors. He's worked in professional wrestling bla blah blah they must have a unique story so they contact us. Um, so a lot of times we say no weisswalk called us up and my first response was are you kidding me? you should be ashamed should be ashamed of yourself. It's a terrible show this a no no, we're trying to do. Want to bring public awareness to social issues. So my wife and I thought well we can show foster care and adoption in a positive light then we'll do it. Um and we did um it was something else. There's a clip on there about my wife and and the.

26:26.87
Bruce Anthony
Um, here.

26:30.57
Bruce Anthony
A.

26:41.99
Dr. John DeGarmo
Child that she was living with that is speaks for itself I think um so they're all done for awareness. Um, you know I just did an interview with Cnn in my house last week Fox News was two weeks ago again always trying to bring awareness these issues because. You might touch I might touch somebody who's thinking you know, but you know what I didn't know I could help these kids or I had nose is happening Mary how can I help how can I help? Um, so they're are theyvolving positive experiences for the most part.

27:03.65
Bruce Anthony
A.

27:10.16
Bruce Anthony
For the most part. Okay, so has there been any negative experiences and that we're just gonna leave it at that. Okay, um I didn't want to go there I wanted to save it to the end but you just brought it.

27:16.16
Dr. John DeGarmo
You know why swap was interesting move.

27:29.80
Bruce Anthony
Up professional wrestling now people that know me personally and people that have been paying attention to podcasts know that I'm a fan of professional wrestling some of them know that I used to run a little small promotion here in the Washington D C area in the mid 2000 s But you also have a history and professional wrestling. Can you tell me a little bit about that.

27:54.83
Dr. John DeGarmo
We moved back from Australia to Atlanta Georgia and 9097 for me to chase after what that time was I thought my dream job little did I know um and that was professional wrestling and I traveled the southern part of the United States um as a manager of the bad guys. Um I was the professor I had a dictionary howled out where I keep brass knuckles or powder or chain and I would you know help the bad guy cheat. Um, and um.

28:16.44
Bruce Anthony
Okay.

28:31.34
Dr. John DeGarmo
Who knew would lead to foster parenting but I did it for a number of years. Um, but then I'll be honest as as my faith began to grow and as a wrestling system started to change.

28:34.19
Bruce Anthony
Um.

28:42.30
Bruce Anthony
Are a.

28:48.48
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, in the late 90 s early two thousand s it wasn't what it was when I grew up in the 70 s and 80 s um my faith grew my family grew the system was the the industry was changing and I recognized. Yeah I've I've had my run this was it. Um and I stopped and. Shortly after that I felt called to become a foster parent. You know it was it was interesting journey interesting path um it was fun I had fun doing it. You know I was in the road five days a week um it was fun.

29:20.28
Bruce Anthony
So how often does that come up in conversation with your foster kids.

29:27.67
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, oh with the kids not that often most of them don't know. Um you know I don't most of them don't know because it's not something good. My wife hates it with a passion but she thought well go do it get out of your system before you have a midnight crisis.

29:30.19
Bruce Anthony
Okay.

29:45.30
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, but so have a discussion it doesn't just doesn't.

29:46.68
Bruce Anthony
And yeah, there was a there was a shift. There was a strong shift in the material ah in the late 90 s and early two thousand s where it got more raunchy. Yeah.

29:58.86
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, extreme you seem up you.

30:00.62
Bruce Anthony
Ah, yeah, extremes yes and extreme and braunchy and and that was probably a tough time to bring kids to wrest by that time I was in high school college. So that all that stuff appealed to me because that was a demographic but at the heart of it wrestling has always been for the kids. Um. So Yeah I could understand why that why that material would not be appealing to you especially when your faith is starting to get stronger. Um, but not only have you been a professional Wrestler. You lived in a variety of different places. Can you tell me a little bit about okay.

30:27.37
Dr. John DeGarmo
Right? right.

30:39.51
Bruce Anthony
I don't want to get too personal, but what your wife is from Australia did you meet her in Australia. Okay, that's an interesting story. How did that even come about.

30:44.86
Dr. John DeGarmo
Arizona yeah.

30:51.23
Dr. John DeGarmo
But um, we traveled the world in a performing group called up with people in the 70 s and eighty s they were huge actually that it's 4 super bowl halftime shows in the eighty s ah, maybe you the 90 s I don't recall to do the niners. No, no none the 90 s but 80 s seventy s and eighty s it did force supero halftime shows. Um, and so we met in that group. There were 120 of us from 27 countries traveling around the globe for a year different city different state different country every second day um, putting on it.

31:08.89
Bruce Anthony
Okay.

31:24.24
Dr. John DeGarmo
To our song and dance show and doing a lot of community service and um in my cast there are people from all continents all languages. Um and that's how he met. That's how he met. We did.

31:27.94
Bruce Anthony
Um.

31:37.11
Bruce Anthony
And and so you lived on a tropical island.

31:42.53
Dr. John DeGarmo
We did Great barrier graph write out the great Barrierry for year.

31:45.89
Bruce Anthony
Um, and did that all come about with the group. Obviously you traveled to so many different places because of the group is that also when you said that um your kids are. Exposed to a lot of people from different cultures and a lot of people from different countries come to visit you or were they friends that you met during the group. Okay, um, Dr. Johnda's pretty interesting there I mean obviously I have you on here to talk about your work in the foster care system and the books that you've written.

32:01.51
Dr. John DeGarmo
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

32:16.41
Bruce Anthony
But you've also got this whole other side of your life. That's that's dealing in entertainment. That's really cool.

32:23.95
Dr. John DeGarmo
Um, well, you know it's um so when I'm speaking on stage for 5 six seven hours sometime some days. Um I'm sharing stories and I'm it's a form of entertainment if you will and that I'm trying to keep the audience. Interested and inspired and motivated um and that's what that's what any good professional speaker does is they're keeping their audience entertained if you will now the stories I share are not always happy stories. You know, sometimes there' sad stories. Um, sometimes they're horrific stories. But I think there's stories that need to be heard.

32:52.89
Bruce Anthony
Um, there.

33:01.26
Dr. John DeGarmo
Because it's you know so many times we talk up, we well look at human trafficking. It's ah it's a global business huge money making business including here United States 300000 children of victims of human trafficking in our nation.

33:01.76
Bruce Anthony
Um, hey.

33:16.24
Dr. John DeGarmo
It's something that we don't want to discuss as a nation because it makes us feel uncomfortable I call human trafficking America's ugly secret. We don't want to talk about it. It makes us feel uncomfortable to ignore it talk about something else is dead. No I'm going to talk about these issues with you because we need to talk about this because it's happening now.

33:20.68
Bruce Anthony
Who.

33:32.42
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

33:34.26
Dr. John DeGarmo
Child is as we're having this conversation. There's a child in your neighborhood or your your in your county and child in my county who's being abused so we need to bring awareness these issues. Um, but yeah, yeah, I've had interesting life sure as I've been blessed. Um.

33:40.75
Bruce Anthony
There. Okay.

33:51.54
Dr. John DeGarmo
Living on the island for a year was glorious now we did it. We did it because our first child died and we both were in jobs that we did not enjoy whatsoever. Um, and we thought well how can we escape this grief if you will so we we left.

33:57.81
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

34:03.21
Bruce Anthony
There.

34:09.34
Dr. John DeGarmo
Society and lived in an island for a year and it was. It was nice. There are days when I think I wish I was back there.

34:17.97
Bruce Anthony
Um, not only have you done good morning america headline news Cnn Fox you also ran your own also had your own radio program parent factors. Can you tell me a little bit about that and what were some of the messages that you were trying to get. Across and convey to your audience on that program.

34:37.67
Dr. John DeGarmo
Sure I was ah I was a deejay for 4 different radio stations in both in Australia United States and I really enjoyed that so I was approached to do my own podcasts and it was called parent factors with Dr John and I tried to I had a different guest on each week and we talked about. Parenting issues issues that parents face from all different um aspects if you will. There's a lot of fun lot of fun.

35:00.60
Bruce Anthony
I would imagine that with the evolution of technology parenting is a lot different from. Let's say my parents parenting me and my brothers and sisters in the 80 s and 90 s like.

35:10.89
Dr. John DeGarmo
No boy.

35:17.70
Bruce Anthony
Didn't have cell phones cell phones wasn't a thing now cell phones are absolutely a thing now and kids are getting cell phones younger and younger and one of the things I said in one of my previous interviews with another foster care advocate was um, the accessibility. Of porn at such a young age I feel is corrupting a young, a young person's mind. There was a joke on Instagram another day about this this young kid that was on an island not an island but.

35:43.72
Dr. John DeGarmo
Oh yes.

35:56.48
Bruce Anthony
And a remote area and these teenagers run up to them because they're lost and they're said hey we need to borrow that Car. Can you give us the keys and the kid slyly was saying yeah I can give you the keys if and the girls say well we're not going to show you our boobs and he was like what are you kidding me am I 10 I saw that when I was 10 I'm 12 now I Want to see something else and it's that's real. That's a a realistic Thing. So What advice because I have a lot of young parents who are listening what advice would you give to young parents that have to deal with that that have to deal with technology. And the accessibility of things that he might not be ready to talk about with their kids but it's been exposed to the kids so they might have to have that conversation.

36:41.79
Dr. John DeGarmo
I I wrote a book called helping fostert children I'm sorry keeping Foster children safe online and it's for any parent, not just the fos parent for any parent. You know you and I live in an online world. Our children inhabit it. There's a difference there they inhabit it. Um, and there's a lot of good with online technology and social media and there is.

36:45.89
Bruce Anthony
Um.

36:59.41
Dr. John DeGarmo
Probably even more. That's bad with online technology and social media and it's not going to go away. The first thing I tell parents is you have to be diligent on a day-to-day basis on trying to keep your child safe with social media and online technology. Um. And a lot of parents will say well you know what? I don't want tovade their privacy I say you know what you't embade their privacy. You're protecting the child. You're not going to do it then who is there's so much out there. There's so much out there that is so harmful for children I think we just have to turn on the tv every single day.

37:23.55
Bruce Anthony
Um, right.

37:35.61
Dr. John DeGarmo
And look at what's happening to children. You know there is so much destruction. Um violence disrespect um suicides a lot of that is triggered from social media and unlike technology. And as a parent we have to be dilgent in protecting a children which means checking your phone to see who is contacting my child who my child is contacting who their friends online. Um, what are they looking at what games they playing what are they accessing? What are they watching who is contacting them who's in their check groups. All these type of things. Um. Filters aren't enough in today's society we have to be doing so um because if we're not gonna do so then somebody's gonna be contacting these children and when it comes to children foster care. They're the most vulnerable children and sexual predators reach out to these children all the time because again they are vulnerable and they want to balloon.

38:15.40
Bruce Anthony
Um.

38:29.70
Bruce Anthony
There.

38:31.49
Dr. John DeGarmo
Want to believe with someone loves them. But then again when you have 5000000 children who are victims a human or I'm sorry domestic violence in their house. They are going online too looking for some escape looking for some looking for someone to accept them or love them 2020. We shut down our schools. And we set all these kids home and what were they doing. They weren't doing their schoolwork online. They were going online accessing a lot of stuff that was inappropriate or dangerous to them and said and as I noted earlier teenage suicide attempts the United States are up 70% in girls. Since 2020 since covid I think we as a society are to blame because we force them well, there's something. There's something known as social media depression. You know we know that our kids get depression because of online technology social media. You have to be diligent. You really do day to day basis.

39:08.99
Bruce Anthony
Hey.

39:27.53
Dr. John DeGarmo
But that phone down at Nine o'clock at night in our house Mondays and Wednesday Mondays and Wednesdays there's no tech days. You know we're sitting together as a family playing games reading. Um you know.

39:34.61
Bruce Anthony
He.

39:45.42
Dr. John DeGarmo
Going outside and playing going for walks and not only is it healthy and protecting the children that degrees also healthy and informing relationships with children telling them how teaching them how to have healthy communications without doing this. You know, um.

39:58.72
Bruce Anthony
A.

40:03.53
Dr. John DeGarmo
So yeah, there are so many ways that we can protect our children but so but then again so many people don't want to accept that This is a problem either.

40:10.70
Bruce Anthony
Well, yeah, ah you make a very valid point ah to finish it off here. You've had numerous awards recognition for your work in Foster Killer and child welfare What are some of your proudest moments in your career. And what do you hope to achieve in the future I know we touched a little bit about your work in legislation. But what are some of the other things that you hope to achieve in your future and some things that you're really proud of.

40:37.40
Dr. John DeGarmo
So I'm proud of being able to be a father or father figure to 60 plus children I'm proud that my own children um want to help others. You know my 6 kids may never be foster parents but I also but I firmly believe they're going to want to help.

40:46.23
Bruce Anthony
Yeah.

40:54.00
Dr. John DeGarmo
Others in some way I'm proud of that fact I'm proud that my kids are quick to stand up for bullying um and help others I'm probably that they're the ones who step up and we'll say you know I'll help um I'm proud that my kids don't see um, don't see well.

40:55.81
Bruce Anthony
Um, yeah.

41:14.50
Dr. John DeGarmo
Me aphrase it I think all my kids are so despondent and upset by anything that's racist. Um, because again look at my family. We're all different colors but we're one family. And that's the look of love I think our family is a look of love. There's not a look of this person's this child this child's this racist childs this racist child face no or a family that's united in love. So I'm proud of those things. Um sure the accolades are nice to be sure good morning America we we went on ah a Disney Cruise as ah, winners of the ultimate heroes award that those things were nice. Um, but I'm proud of what my family stands for um, what I hope to do in the future bring more awareness reform the foster care system. Um, maybe lower some of these horrible statistics.

41:58.53
Bruce Anthony
A.

42:08.11
Dr. John DeGarmo
That children experiencing today. Um, yeah, that's what I hope to accomplish and may maybe maybe actually get washington DC to do some reform the the wheels of progress when it comes to legislators is very slow and I tell them you know we can't be slow on this because there's a sense of urgency because.

42:20.84
Bruce Anthony
Um, yes, it is yeah, can you give my audience some more information on where the your books.

42:27.90
Dr. John DeGarmo
There's a child in crisis right now we can't wait.

42:37.14
Bruce Anthony
Where they can find more information about you where they can find more information where they can help.

42:40.29
Dr. John DeGarmo
Yeah, thanks for asking. So Dr John de Garammo Foster Care Dot Com is where you can find my books and there's a book I'd recommend in general called fostering. Love 1 foster parents journey if you want to know what it's like being a foster parent. It's my memoir my first ten years of fosh parenting. You know there's lots of emotion, lots of funny stories also sad stories but it gives. Ah, think a true insight into what it's like caring for these kids. Um, you just search for the foster karen student online follow me in Facebook and Twitter and Linkedin Dr. john degarammo they're all there.

43:09.44
Bruce Anthony
All right? Dr John I want to thank you once again for coming and joining us and and and giving us good information helping us learn about the foster care children and also your professional wrestling career.

43:26.13
Dr. John DeGarmo
So thank you, Thank you so much for the opportunity.

43:28.59
Bruce Anthony
No problem at all. 

02:41.88
Bruce Anthony
Dr. John is a very interesting man aside from his efficacy for ah children in the welfare system which learning some I learned some stuff that I just did know about I did not realize how many children are being trafficked. Um.

02:59.58
Bruce Anthony
And and that's really scary to think about that. How many children are losing their innocence like we all were kids once and we know, um, something simple as there was a time that we went out to play with our friends and that was the last time we went out to play with our friends. There was an innocence loss at that moment. Sometimes our innocence are are is taken away from us and I think adults specifically parents try to do a a strong and determined job to protect their children hold on to their innocence because. The the light in the child's eyes when they see Santa or the easter bunny like the like these are things that we want to keep that light in a child's eyes is so very very very important and Dr John is basically you know telling us those lights are going out pretty early. And and that's a really sad thing so go to his website find out ways that you can help I'm going to try to find out ways that I can help because we had to do something to help protect these kids that that should be some of our that should be 1 of our main jobs. And life right to be decent human beings to each other and protect the children protect the children from real stuff. Not fake imaginary stuff but real stuff. Um, because I think sometimes that argument getskewed to how you protect the children and people make up imaginary stuff.

04:30.10
Bruce Anthony
And saying that we need to protect the children from these things and and and those just aren't the cases. We just want I say we should protect the children in a way that they can hold onto their innocence for as long as they can and so that we could give them the skills to navigate in this cold world because it is a cold. As world life is real and it comes at you heart and fast and if we can protect them from having to deal with life hard and fast as much as possible but still also prepare them for the skills that when life comes at you hard and fast to be able to deal with it I think would be better off a society but on that note. Ah, hope you guys enjoyed the interview Don't forget that they are episodes of all of our interviews. All of our happy hours with my sister on youtube.comback/unsolicited perspectives also there are 2 additional shows on our Patreon page patreon.com backs less unsolicited perspectives. That after hours on sisters episode with my sister and a talk is straight ish with me those are shows that you can only get on Patreon there's so much content on Patreon. It's only $5 a month once again, this patreon.com backs last unsolicit perspectives share with all your friends our Youtube the audio podcast we're growing. I'm not satisfied I want to get to more ears and eyeballs as possible because I believe that we're doing good work here and we're getting out good messages but until next time our holla.